Leading As A Husband With Mental Illness

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." -Ephesians 5:25-27

Marriage has taught me a lot about what it means to be a spiritual leader over my household while dealing with my Schizoaffective Disorder. I will admit that before marriage I had no idea how mThental illness would affect my ability to lead my wife. I used to think that I needed to rule my household with an iron fist and then later I thought I just needed to always focus on being loving and compassionate. I now believe that in order to be a good biblical leader, we must be in the middle of these two extremes. In this blog, I will be discussing three things that the Lord has taught me concerning leading as a husband while dealing with mental illness and my prayer is that everyone who reads this will be edified. The three lessons I have learned concerning this topic are: 1) I need to daily sacrifice for my wife, 2) my wife needs to daily submit to me, and 3) Marriage is about holiness. I will elaborate on these points in the subsequent paragraphs. 

Sacrifice For Her 
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This is one of the hardest lessons that I have had to learn because my mental illness causes me to be incredibly self-centered and selfish. However, I know that this verse is a command not a suggestion. As a godly man, I am called to lay down my very life for my wife. I understand that this concept is not popular today but when you truly understand how our Lord has laid down His life for us it should make it easy for us to lay down our lives for our brides. Unfortunately, I recognize that this is not always as easy as it sounds. I know I personally frequently mess up and when I do I need to always seek forgiveness from my wife. I am called to lead her but this does not mean that I must not accept guidance from her. As a matter of fact, my schizophrenia does tend to make me delusional and during those times it is imperative of me to really listen to my wife because she is seeing things clearly while I am not. When my medication is working well and I am stable, I make reasonable decisions for my family and my wife does need to submit to me even if she disagrees. 

Wife's Submission To Me 
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 I do believe that when a woman does not submit to her husband then it puts everything out of order and God is the God of order not chaos. I know in my personal experience my wife does submit to me in all things but there are times when my mental illness makes me unreasonable. It's during those times that it would be unwise for my wife to submit to me. For example, if I am in a manic episode and I am overspending our money, then it is imperative that my wife lovingly confronts me and if she needs to she should take away my debit cards because if she lets that go unchecked then we will end up homeless because we would not be able to pay our rent. The people who hold to a strict view of biblical submission for women are in violation of the "I desire mercy not sacrifice" principle found in Matthew 12:6-7 because they are turning a biblical concept that is meant to be freeing for women into a legalistic standard that ends up holding women in spiritual bondage. My wife does submit to when it is wise to do so however when she sees that I am mentally unstable then she absolutely must step and help back onto the path of rationality. That is what it means for her to be my help

Holiness Not Happiness
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Our culture has this idea about marriage that it is about happiness and when people operate on this assumption then as soon as they realize that marriage is not making them happy they want out of it. I believe this is why the divorce rate is so high. People have a distorted view of what marriage is truly about. God uses marriage to conform us to the image of Christ and because of this marriage is solely about our holiness not about our happiness. Does this mean we should never be happy in marriage? Absolutely not! There are many joys in the marriage covenant. I love to have fun with my wife. However, happiness is not the primary purpose of marriage. I think this is a very important point to make and it is what distinguishes Christian marriages from secular marriages. In the realm of mental illness, this means that my wife needs to understand that because of my mental illness I will not always be her "perfect knight in shining armor" but instead there will be times I will be "The Beast" from the Beauty and The Beast Disney movie. I do not intend to be that way and I will always seek her forgiveness when I am like that however she does need to be patient with me at all times. I also need to understand that even though she does not have a mental illness she is still a human being with flaws and she may not always make the best decisions in how she reacts to me too. When we keep these things in mind, it allows us to be able to show one another grace and compassion instead of being harsh and legalistic. 

Grace Liberates Your Relationships By Paul David Tripp

-David Lee Chu Sarchet 
Christian Mental Health Advocate 

For 24 hour peer support, please call the Christ-Centered Mental Health ministry line at 567-343-3727 or email me at christmentalhealth@gmail.com Lydia Sarchet: mrssccmh@gmail.com Britton Garleb: britaingabriel@protonmail.com Joe Roman: Twiztedmembrain@gmail.com Scott AKA Johnny Kangaroo: scottsoconmhs@outlook.com Dwayne McLeod: psyconatics@gmail.com Veronica Talbot: vtalbot747@gmail.com Amber Williams: shayneedm18@gmail.com Chuck Ward: wcw50@aol.com Sarah Olivia: sarahjesseolivia@gmail.com Amber Marie: amarie0193@gmail.com Zachary Uram: Netrek@gmail.com Joseph McDermott: jpmlovesjesus@live.com
Roselyn Morgan  (Christian Counselor): RoselynMorgan53@yahoo.com
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