Narcissism is a very toxic for anyone especially for people in romantic relationships. In this blog, I will be sharing my experience with someone whom I dated who turned out to be a narcissist. I did not realize this at the time I was dating her but the red flags were there, If I would have listened to those who were closest to me, I would have been spared a whole lot of heartache. Unfortunately, I am too stubborn for my own good and I was also very desperate for a relationship. My ex seen my desperation and she took advantage of it too. My hope in writing out this blog is that it will help someone else who is in a similar circumstance realize that they deserve better and will get out of their toxic relationship before it is much too late. This blog will be separated into five parts: 1) How we met, 2) The Red Flags, 3) The Abuse, 4) How I Got Out, and 5) My Words of Advice. This will be a pretty lengthy article but I hope that you find this beneficial to you somehow.
How We Met
I first met Natasha Ortiz back in 2016 in a AMBW (Asian Men Black Women) Facebook group and She contacted me to confront me about some images she seen on my Facebook that were inappropriate which originally won my respect. At first she was annoyed with me because I would call her only late at night and I would always talk about politics with her. Eventually, I would call her at more reasonable times and I would talk more about Christianity instead, I actually introduced her to Reformed Theology, which she pretended to be interested in. In the beginning everything seemed perfect and she seemed to be perfect for me too. She has her degree in Psychology so it seemed like she understood mental illness and even had a heart for the mentally ill, which was a plus in my eyes. I remember she paid my phone bill when I could not afford to and she would also send me care packages to make sure I had plenty to eat so I would not go hungry.
Red Flags
There were signs that she was not good for me but I could not see them at the time because of my stubbornness and desperation to be in a relationship. She seen my desperation and took advantage of it. People closest to me noticed these red flags and tried to tell me but she would manipulate me into betraying my closest friends and even my sisters too. She also led me to believe that everything wrong in the relationship was solely my fault. She would shame me any time I shown any kind of concern for my mother and she also would shame me if I expressed an opinion that was different from hers by telling me that I was "acting white". Also, when I was approved for SSI/SSDI, she talked me into making her my representative payee, which then gave her complete control over my life.
The Abuse
There came a time when my mental health began to decline because none of the psychiatrists in Monmouth County, New Jersey were able to find the right medication for me. On top of this, Natasha had two surgeries done on her because of some bowel obstructions where she almost died. This caused her to become sensitive to invisible bugs biting her constantly. No one believed her except for me and I only believed her because I personally seen the bug bites on her. This eventually led her to become emotionally disturbed and she began taking out her anger on me by physically punching me in the face and at one time she even broke a mirror on my back. During this time, I have never raised a hand to her at all because I do not believe that it is ever right for a man to lay a finger on a woman out of anger. My friends would tell me to leave her at this time too.
How I Got Out
At this time I began hearing voices telling me to kill her and I also began having vivid dreams of me killing her in a variety if gruesome ways. Naturally, this scared the living daylights out of me. So, one day when she went to work, I went to the local bank and pulled out all of my Social Security money and got on a train to New York City and bought a greyhound ticket back to Colorado Springs. I still remained in contact with for two years after this incident because I felt incredibly guilty for leaving her. However, during this time she would only berate me, guilt trip me, and brag to me about her dating relationships and how great her life is. She would also constantly tell me that no one would ever love me as much as she does. Eventually, I ended meeting my wife, Lydia Sarchet, and we ended getting married. Once I started talking to Lydia, I cut off all communication with Natasha, which caused her to get irate and begin to harass us through email, text messages, and voicemail. I had to change my number but then recently she started harassing us through the ministry phone number and email. We filed a police report and the officer called her to tell her to leave us alone. Hopefully, this is the last we will have to deal with her, Lord willing. I do not wish her any ill-will and I do care about her as a person, however, I do believe she needs professional help and she also needs to come under a proper knowledge of the Gospel. Only the Gospel of Jesus Christ will heal her pain and I do pray that the Lord will draw her to Himself.
Words of Advice
If you are someone who is in a toxic relationship with narcissistic person, you need to get out of it immediately. I understand that you probably cannot see the red flags for yourself but this is why you need to listen to those who are closest to you. Other people see your relationship with objective eyes so you need to trust their advice. Do not do what I did to my friends and family. No relationship is worth forsaking those who are closest to you. Also, if you are in this toxic relationship because of desperation, you need to understand that God wants so much more for you. The Lord is a loving Father and He knows you better than you know yourself and He is in control over everything that comes to pass. This means that He has someone very special planned just for you who is your perfect match. You can trust Him for your life. Do not remain in a toxic relationship just because you feel there is no one for you. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths".
This Means War By Petra
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
For 24 hour peer support, please call the Christ-Centered Mental Health ministry line at 567-343-3727 or email me at christcenteredmentalhealth@gmail.com
Lydia Sarchet: mrssccmh@gmail.com
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Joe Roman: Twiztedmembrain@gmail.com
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Amber Marie: amarie0193@gmail.com
Zachary Uram: Netrek@gmail.com
Joseph McDermott: jpmlovesjesus@live.com
Roselyn Morgan (Christian Counselor): RoselynMorgan53@yahoo.com
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