Marriage & Mental Illness

 There is a common misconception within the Body of Christ that if you are mentally ill then and living on disability then you are not worthy of marriage. From what I have seen, this type of belief is usually leveled against godly men who struggle with mental illness. The logic usually goes like this: a godly man should be able to provide and protect their wives, mentally ill men cannot always provide and protect, therefore mentally ill men should not marry. In this blog, I will attempt to dispel this myth in hopes that any godly men who struggle with mental illness who desire to marry will have hope. The truth is the desire to marry is a good and godly desire for ALL people and I believe that most people are meant to marry. There are only a few exceptions where some men are meant to be single. This does not mean that you should marry anyone though. Scripture tells us that believers should only marry other believers and that is the only requirement, regardless of mental status, socioeconomic status, and racial and ethnic identity. As we live for the Lord and we focus on honoring Him, when the right time comes I believe He will lead you to the person you are meant to marry. In marriage, there are certain roles that a godly man must fulfill in order to be a competent husband and these roles are: 

1) Provider 

2) Protector 

3) Leader 

I will now expound on each of these points to explain how this looks in the lives of a married couple who deal with mental illness. I will say that whenever mental illness is involved all relationship dynamics look significantly different than other relationships. However, everyone is different and every marriage is also different too. 

Provider 

Most Christians believe that this means the man must be the breadwinner who pays the bills while the wife takes care of the home. However, in a marriage where the husband deals with mental illness, he may not be able to work a traditional job. In this case, the wife may have to be the breadwinner. However, I believe that the husband can still provide in other ways. For instance, he can provide for his wife's emotional needs, he can help out around the house in order to lighten her load, and when he is able he can contribute his social security money to take care of things she cannot take care of. In my marriage, this is the arrangement we have set up. I may not do this perfectly well but I do my best. 

Protector 

Sometimes when the husband is dealing with mental illness, he may not always be able to physically protect his wife either due to himself going through psychosis or because his paranoia makes him timid. However, the husband can be the protector of his wife's heart. This means he will do everything he can to always show his wife he cherishes and adores her. He will also work hard to show he is only attracted to her and he will provide a safe place for her to unload her frustrations and concerns to. 

Leader

This is one is very controversial especially in today's society because most people take offense to the Scriptural command that tells wives to submit to their husbands. However, there are times when the wife must not submit especially when he is dealing with severe psychosis. For instance, if he is dealing with hypomania and he tends to overspend the money, it would be wise for the wife to take charge of the finances momentarily until the husband's mind returns to stability. Also, the husband with mental illness can still lead the wife spiritually in things like Bible study and prayer and he can still make the final decision over the household, as long as his mind is stable. If he needs a medicine adjustment then for that times the leadership role should go to the wife so that she can help her husband get the help he needs. 

I understand that this is controversial for most Christians who have never thought about these things. However, when you are married, the couple is a team and they should work together for a common purpose. The wife is called her husband's helper and sometimes that role does require the wife to step up and make some serious life decisions. My advice for any man with mental illness who is considering marriage, you need to make sure you are taking care of your mental health. This means you are taking your medication daily and that you are going to all your psychiatric and therapy appointments too. For any woman considering marrying a man with mental illness, my advice for you is to make sure you are always willing to show grace and forgiveness to your husband. He may do or say things that will hurt your feelings but understand that he does not mean it. His illness can cause him to act in ways that are unnatural to his character. As always, both the man and woman should remain in constant prayer for one another because the only for any marriage to succeed is for the marriage to be centered on Christ. 

-David Lee Chu Sarchet

Christian Mental Health Advocate 

For 24 hour peer support, please call the Christ-Centered Mental Health ministry line at 567-343-3727 or email me at christmentalhealth@gmail.com 

Lydia Sarchet: mrssccmh@gmail.com  

Britton Garleb: britaingabriel@protonmail.com 

Joe Roman: Twiztedmembrain@gmail.com  

Scott AKA Johnny Kangaroo: scottsoconmhs@outlook.com  

Dwayne McLeod: psyconatics@gmail.com  

Veronica Talbot: vtalbot747@gmail.com  

Amber Williams: shayneedm18@gmail.com  

Chuck Ward: wcw50@aol.com

Sarah Olivia: sarahjesseolivia@gmail.com   

Amber Marie: amarie0193@gmail.com  

Zachary Uram: Netrek@gmail.com  

Joseph McDermott: jpmlovesjesus@live.com 

Roselyn Morgan (Christ-Centered Mental Health Christian Counselor): RoselynMorgan53@yahoo.com

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