How Do You Help Someone With Mental Illness Who Refuses To Get Help?

 Introduction: 

As some of you may or may not know, I am not the only person in my life who struggles with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type. I have spoken about my late mother's struggle with this specific mental illness elsewhere, but what many of you do not know about her is that unlike myself she refused treatment all of her life. It did not matter how much I would attempt to reason with her about seeking professional help, she completely disregarded all of my pleas. It is not that she was afraid to seek help, but she honestly did not believe that there was anything wrong with her. This is a common phenomenon amongst those of us who struggle with various mental illnesses (I know I have dealt with this plenty of times myself!). I have found that many people feel at a loss when they have a loved one who struggles with mental illness and will not seek help. These people feel as if everything is hopeless. It is precisely for this reason that I am deciding to write this blog to tell you how to help that specific loved one in your life. The advice in this blog, I believe, will not only help you in understanding your loved one and it will ease your mind too. If you follow the advice in this blog, I know that it will help you see your loved one, not as a freak of nature, but as a child of God who is made in His image. I confess that while my mother was still alive, I did not follow my own advice and I have a lot of regrets for how I reacted to her when she was unstable. So, please do not think that I am above fault when you are reading this. I have made my fair share of mistakes and it is because of the mistakes that I have made that I am equipped to tell you what works and does not work when dealing with a loved one who is mentally ill. The advice I am giving is the same advice that I hope those closest to me will follow when dealing with me at my most unstable of times. My hope and prayer for anyone reading this blog will walk away from it feeling more confident in their own ability in dealing with a loved one with mental illness. I will not lie to you and tell you that it is easy. Actually, it will be one of the toughest things you will ever do in your life. This is why this task is not for just anyone. You must have a real heart for your loved one to be there for them in their unstable times because they will push you to your limits. 

Another Confession: 

The inspiration for the writing of this blog is credited to my lovely wife, Lydia Sarchet. That woman has perfectly demonstrated true Christlike love and patience for me in such a way that it causes me to feel unworthy of her love. The Lord has truly blessed me with a wonderful woman and through her, I realize that I am in awe of His mercy and grace. I have put my wife through so much turmoil in the short time that we have been married, yet she still remains by my side through everything. I am not sure what she was expecting when she said yes to marrying me, but I am sure that our marriage has not gone exactly the way she planned it to go. That is the thing about God: when we make plans, He laughs! My wife has demonstrated the advice I am about to give in this blog much better than I ever could with my own mother. For this reason, I love her all the more with my whole heart. 

Learn As Much As You Can 

It may be difficult but it is incumbent upon you to learn everything you can about your loved one's specific mental illness. They may not be interested in learning about their own illness, but this does not mean that you should be equally apathetic. If you are going to be of any kind of help to your loved one, then you need to know about your loved one's illness. There are a wide variety of books out there on specific mental illnesses written from the perspectives of people who struggle with their illnesses and from mental health professionals too. I would recommend that you get your hands on some of those books. Also, there are entire YouTube channels dedicated to educating people on mental health too. These channels are run by both people who struggle with mental illness and mental health professionals. One of my favorite channels is called Living Well With Schizophrenia. On that channel, Lauren does an excellent job explaining Schizophrenia to anyone who is not familiar with the disorder. She is not a Christian so her perspective is entirely secular. However, her channel was one of the inspirations for me to start the Christ-Centered Mental Health ministry because I thought that there should be a channel that talked about mental health education from a Christian perspective.  Another way you can learn about your loved one's illness is by asking them directly to describe their experiences to you. This is important because when you do this it will really go a long way in establishing trust between you and your loved one. However, when they open up to you about their experiences, you mustn't argue with them or judge them either. Their experiences are their experiences and they are very real to them. 

Always Be In Prayer For Your Loved One 

I cannot stress to how important prayer is when dealing with a loved one with mental illness. There will be times when the relationship will push you beyond your limits and it will be very difficult to continue loving your loved one. On some days you may even find yourself resenting the person. However, when you are in prayer for your loved one, the Lord rejuvenates your love for them because you see them the way that He sees them. This is important because so often we can get caught up with our own limited perspective that we tend to forget about His perspective. It is precisely for this reason that you must always go to the Lord in prayer concerning your loved one. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you have it all figured out or that you can manage alone because that is when you will fall. I did not always pray for my mother and I believe that is why I made the mistakes that I made while dealing with her. I believe that if I would have relied more on God then I would not have been so reactionary toward her. Your loved one deserves to have you praying over them. 

Keep Emergency Numbers On Hand 

It is an unfortunate reality that when a loved one with a mental illness will not accept professional help, they may have incidents where they may experience psychosis in public. When this happens you must now know how to respond immediately. You must not delay in your response during this time because every second matters. The longer you stall the more your loved one may spiral out of control until they eventually hurt themselves or hurt someone else. During these moments, it is helpful to keep a list of emergency contacts on you at all times. You can keep them inside your wallet, purse, or even your cell phone. It does not really matter where you keep them as long as they are easily accessible. You must be able to get to them quickly. If you can memorize at least one emergency contact (preferably the one you will most likely be calling), that would be even more helpful. I wish that I would have done this while I was taking care of my mother, but thankfully my mother did not have any periods of psychosis in public around me. You might not be so fortunate so it would be wise for you to carry this list with you at all times. 

Conclusion:

I hope that this has given you a better understanding of what it will take to take care of your loved one with mental illness who refuses to seek any help. I know I said that it will be tough and it will push you to your limits on most days, but at the same time, it is the most rewarding experience. I do not regret ever taking care of my mother during her time of need and I know that she did appreciate me even though she did not know how to always express her gratitude. I would not have traded the experience of taking care of my mother for anything else in the world and if I had the choice to do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. I trust that you will understand what I am saying in time even if it does not seem all that apparent right now. Regardless of your circumstance, you must always keep in mind that your loved one is a human being created in the Imago Dei and thus deserving of the deepest respect and dignity of care. This is not a duty that you should take lightly. My prayer is that you will feel encouraged to continue loving your ones and that you will not give up on them because you may be the only person they have. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all! 

-David Lee Chu Sarchet 

Christian Mental Health Advocate 

Check Out The Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website

Check Out The Other CCMH Ministry Website