How I Overcame Same-Sex Attraction

 

In an earlier blog, I wrote titled Homosexuality & Mental Illness, I made a solid biblical case for why homosexuality is sinful, and then I talked about how mental illness can lead one to have homosexual attractions. I am not in any way excusing sin by saying that and anyone who accuses me of doing that does not understand my point. Mental illness can, and often does, lead one into sin. This does not excuse sin, but it does provide the context for sin. In my blog, I gave two examples of mentally ill people who struggled with homosexual attraction: myself and John Nash In this blog, I shall talk about how I overcame bisexual attraction and the purpose of this is to give hope and encouragement to any Christian out there who struggles with homosexual attraction. My hope and prayer are that after you read this that you will be encouraged to believe that the Holy Spirit has the power to radically transform lives. 

Before I get into the meat of this blog, I do have a confession to make to all of you. During my more unstable moments (such as when I am manic), I do still struggle with my bisexual attraction. This actually motivates me to continue taking care of my mental health by taking my medication and seeing my therapist because I know that these attractions are sinful and unnatural. However, this does not mean that I have not overcome my bisexual attraction because they no longer define who I am. My identity is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Before I talk about how I overcame these attractions, let me start by giving you some backstory so you can understand how I became tangled up with same-sex attractions, to begin with. 

Some of you are already aware of the fact that I spent a good portion of my life in the foster care system. What you didn't know is the fact that until I was about 15 years old I was pretty naïve when it came to the topic of sex. ' For example, I believed that a hickey was created when someone bit another person's neck sort of like a vampire does! I think the reason I thought this was because my mom and stepdad did not do a good job preparing me for the topic of sex. They never even had "The Talk" with me. This is why when I went to live with my biological father and my younger brother and I was exposed to his thousands of pornographic magazines and video tapes, I literally became addicted to sex. I was a regular sexual deviant and chronic masturbator too. To say that I was a sex addict is a bit of an understatement really. It was literally all that I ever thought about. 

My brother may have been younger than me by two years, but he was physically bigger in stature and stronger than me too. Naturally, this caused me to be intimidated by him, but eventually, my intimidation turned into arousal and attraction as I began to fantasize about him humiliating and dominating me. I never told him about this nor have I told anyone about this except for a select few people because until recently I have always felt a great shame about this. 

Later in life, I learned to embrace my bisexual attractions even though the Lord prevented me from fully acting on them. What I mean by this is I never actually had sexual intercourse with a man, but I used to paint my nails and dress effeminately too. This naturally led me to believe one day that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I was led to this belief by a question posed to me by a trusted adult in my life. 

Basically, I was really messed up in the head at one time and I believe it was because I had no real healthy relationships in my life. I also did not know what a man really was. When I was younger, my only model of a man was what I have seen on television and my stepdad, who was essentially absent from the picture most of the time. 

When I finally came to the Lord, it was a long process but He eventually helped me become content with my sexuality and my identity in Him. One of the primary ways the Lord helped me overcome these attractions is by giving me a serious conviction of how sinful and unnatural they really are. The Holy Spirit really helped me understand that the way God designed sex is between one man and one woman inside of a marriage covenant before Him. Anything outside of this boundary is unnatural and utterly sinful. 

The next thing that the Lord did to help me overcome these desires is He brought into my life healthy relationships with godly men such as my best male friend and certain godly mentors who really took the time to display biblical manhood to me. Also, the Lord restored my relationship with my godly sisters who have always shown me Christlike love. This has been the major catalyst that has changed me because I no longer felt like I was alone in this world. 

Another thing that the Lord has done in my life was to give me a beautiful wife who absolutely adores me. The fact that she adores me so much has caused me to strive to be the best man that I can be for her and to maintain a close relationship with Jesus Christ. I feel unworthy of her love because I know how much of a wicked sinner I truly am, but her love for me causes me to be in awe of God's unconditional love for me. 

Another thing that the Lord has done in my life was give me a godly accountability partner with whom I can be 100% transparent. He never makes me feel ashamed of my thoughts and feelings and I know I can trust him with my life. I know we may have our minor disagreements and we sometimes get on each other's nerves, but we love one another as brothers in Christ regardless. 

Finally, being completely grounded in God's word has really helped me overcome my same-sex attraction. I fully recognize the meaning of our Lord's words when He said that "man shall not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God". We desperately need to live off of the word of God to sustain our faith and protect us from the enemy's attacks. Whenever I am tempted to submit to my bisexual attractions, I simply remind myself of what God says about homosexuality and about sex in general. It is a difficult thing to remain with these attractions when your mind is saturated with Holy Scripture. 

If you are a Christian who struggles with same-sex attraction, please understand that you are not alone. I know that this has been very helpful to me because part of my shame came from thinking I was alone and no one understood me. However, there is no temptation that is not uncommon to man (1 Corinthians 10:13). This means that any temptation you are facing is the same temptation that every person faces. So, your temptations are completely normal. You are not a freak of nature! Also, for those of us who are in Christ, there is no condemnation because Jesus has already taken our condemnation on Himself at the cross (Romans 8:1). This means we can truly walk in freedom from shame over our struggle because God will never hold it against us. He promises us that we are not condemned and He promises to literally and radically transform us too. 

I hope that you are encouraged after reading this blog and I thank you for taking the time to read this. I understand that this is a touchy subject for most people but my prayer is that the Lord uses my testimony so that many people will see the transforming power of God's love in Christ. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all! 

-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate 

Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website

Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website