Recently, Steven Crowder (a conservative commentator and host of the Louder with Crowder podcast) was exposed for emotionally abusing his wife, who was pregnant with his twins at the time. The video that went viral showed a defenseless Hillary Crowder standing off to the side as Steven Crowder berated her for not doing her "wifely duties" and even said that she "is not worthy of being a wife". He even told her that he wonders if she ever showed any respect for a man and then even threatened to "F*** her up". It is actually sickening how some Christians came to this man's defense by saying that he did not actually abuse her because it was not physical. These Christians are operating under the belief that emotional abuse is not real or that it is not as serious as Physical abuse. This belief is a horrible belief to hold because people who suffer emotional abuse usually end up suffering the consequences for much longer than if they were physically abused. I understand that in this day and age, anyone can claim emotional abuse any time someone is mean to them, but this does not negate the fact that real emotional abuse happens. We must not ignore the real cases because some people are making it up for attention or whatever they are doing it for. In this blog, I shall discuss some of the devastating effects that emotional abuse can have on someone's mental state. However, I would like to say that my heart and my prayers go out to Hillary Crowder. I hope that she gets the help that she needs to heal from her now ex-husband's abuse and that the Lord will convict Steven Crowder of guilt and grant him repentance.
Emotional abuse has many effects on the person's mental state and even their brain. It even affects the children, if they are in the picture. For this reason, emotional abuse should be taken seriously, and anyone who is emotionally abused should see a therapist immediately. In my own experience of being emotionally abused over and over by a narcissistic ex-girlfriend, I was feeling so powerless that I allowed her to control me for years after we broke up. I have found that emotional abuse has some short-term effects and long-term effects. I will explain these shortly, but first I would like to say that if you are someone who has been emotionally abused, please do not bottle it up. If you do, then it will only destroy you from the inside out. Talk to someone you trust. Also, take it to the Lord in prayer. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us,
"...casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you"
The Lord sees what you are going through and He does care for your situation. Furthermore, as the Sovereign God of the universe, He has the strength to heal your pain. So, trust in Him enough to take your pain to Him.
Short-Term Effects
According to PsychCentral, there are a few short-term effects. They are the following,
1) Isolation and Loneliness
2) Self-Doubt
3) Shame
4) Confusion
5) Low Self-Esteem
6) Fear When Interacting With Others
7) Avoidance Of The Activity Related To The Incident
8) Feelings Of Powerlessness
In my experience, when I was dealing with my ex, she caused me to definitely feel isolated and shame, and self-doubt. I did fear interacting with other people, but only because I was afraid that she would get angry if she caught me talking to someone else who was not her and because of her emotional abuse I did feel extremely powerless over my situation too. When I finally built up enough strength to run away from her, I immediately felt relief, but then I had to deal with the long-term effects, which leads me to my next point.
Long-Term Effects
According to PsychCentral, there are six long-term effects of emotional abuse. They are the following:
1) Mental Health Conditions
2) Neuroticism, Or The Tendency Toward Low Mood And Negative Emotions Like Anger
3) Chronic Stress
4) Physical Problems Like Body Aches And Heart Palpitations
5) Attachment Challenges
6) Emotional Disconnect Or Apathy
When I was finally free from my ex and was over her, I experienced most of these. I remember that there were days when I would be so depressed that I thought about taking my life. I was always stressed out and even to this day I still have a little bit of an attachment issue. It mainly comes out when I think my wife is going to leave me or when I perceive those close friends are mad at me. I think that they will abandon me. I also somewhat have a trust issue because of dealing with my ex-girlfriend too.
So, now you may be wondering how emotional abuse affects children, right? Again, PsychCentral records three different ways emotional abuse affects children. They are the following:
1) Behavioral Changes
The Children may begin to misbehave and show signs of ADHD and even bully other children. They also may engage in self-harm and have suicidal thoughts too.
2) Emotional Development
Children who are emotionally abused will have issues managing their own difficult emotions and will even be stunted in their maturity because they will not have a chance to mentally grow.
3) Maladaptive Coping
Adult women who have been emotionally abused have been known to resort to numbing their emotions or becoming disconnected. Children who have been emotionally abused have been known to resort to fantasizing, which leads to avoidant behavior and isolation over long periods. These are unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Now that I have covered how emotional abuse affects one in the short-term, long-term, and even children, how does emotional abuse affect one's brain? Once again I refer to PsychCentral because they record three different ways that emotional abuse affects one's brain. They are the following:
1) Emotional Understanding & Empathy
Emotional abuse can cause damage to the hippocampus which can make it very difficult for one to feel empathy for others.
2) Self-Awareness
Emotional abuse has been known to cause damage to the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe, which in turn makes it difficult for one to be able to manage their emotions and become self-aware.
3) Epigenetic Changes & Depression
Emotional abuse has been known to cause damage to the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal portion of the brain, which in turn causes the person to suffer from Depression.
As you can clearly see that emotional abuse is very real and in a lot of ways can be more harmful than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse, once it is over it is over, but with emotional abuse, that leaves a scar that some people never get over. I am not in any way trying to downplay the physical abuse, though. I understand that victims of physical abuse also deal with emotional scars for many years to come as well. Usually when someone suffers from emotional abuse long enough the abuse eventually becomes physical abuse. I know that was definitely true in my case with my ex-girlfriend too. So, I can understand and sympathize with anyone who has suffered both emotional and physical abuse. However, I must admit that the emotional abuse that I suffered was much more difficult for me to get over than the physical abuse I suffered. I think if you take the time to really think about what I am saying then you will agree with me about this too.
Regardless of whether or not you agree with me, I am sure that you will agree with me that abuse in whatever form it takes is horrible. No one should ever abuse anyone, but since we live in a fallen world with fallen people there will unfortunately be abuse. This should cause us all the more to desire for the Lord Jesus Christ to return quickly to usher in the New Heaven and the New Earth, where there will be no more sin, suffering, pain, or even death because God will make all things new. Soli Deo Gloria!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Emotional abuse has many effects on the person's mental state and even their brain. It even affects the children, if they are in the picture. For this reason, emotional abuse should be taken seriously, and anyone who is emotionally abused should see a therapist immediately. In my own experience of being emotionally abused over and over by a narcissistic ex-girlfriend, I was feeling so powerless that I allowed her to control me for years after we broke up. I have found that emotional abuse has some short-term effects and long-term effects. I will explain these shortly, but first I would like to say that if you are someone who has been emotionally abused, please do not bottle it up. If you do, then it will only destroy you from the inside out. Talk to someone you trust. Also, take it to the Lord in prayer. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us,
"...casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you"
The Lord sees what you are going through and He does care for your situation. Furthermore, as the Sovereign God of the universe, He has the strength to heal your pain. So, trust in Him enough to take your pain to Him.
Short-Term Effects
According to PsychCentral, there are a few short-term effects. They are the following,
1) Isolation and Loneliness
2) Self-Doubt
3) Shame
4) Confusion
5) Low Self-Esteem
6) Fear When Interacting With Others
7) Avoidance Of The Activity Related To The Incident
8) Feelings Of Powerlessness
In my experience, when I was dealing with my ex, she caused me to definitely feel isolated and shame, and self-doubt. I did fear interacting with other people, but only because I was afraid that she would get angry if she caught me talking to someone else who was not her and because of her emotional abuse I did feel extremely powerless over my situation too. When I finally built up enough strength to run away from her, I immediately felt relief, but then I had to deal with the long-term effects, which leads me to my next point.
Long-Term Effects
According to PsychCentral, there are six long-term effects of emotional abuse. They are the following:
1) Mental Health Conditions
2) Neuroticism, Or The Tendency Toward Low Mood And Negative Emotions Like Anger
3) Chronic Stress
4) Physical Problems Like Body Aches And Heart Palpitations
5) Attachment Challenges
6) Emotional Disconnect Or Apathy
When I was finally free from my ex and was over her, I experienced most of these. I remember that there were days when I would be so depressed that I thought about taking my life. I was always stressed out and even to this day I still have a little bit of an attachment issue. It mainly comes out when I think my wife is going to leave me or when I perceive those close friends are mad at me. I think that they will abandon me. I also somewhat have a trust issue because of dealing with my ex-girlfriend too.
So, now you may be wondering how emotional abuse affects children, right? Again, PsychCentral records three different ways emotional abuse affects children. They are the following:
1) Behavioral Changes
The Children may begin to misbehave and show signs of ADHD and even bully other children. They also may engage in self-harm and have suicidal thoughts too.
2) Emotional Development
Children who are emotionally abused will have issues managing their own difficult emotions and will even be stunted in their maturity because they will not have a chance to mentally grow.
3) Maladaptive Coping
Adult women who have been emotionally abused have been known to resort to numbing their emotions or becoming disconnected. Children who have been emotionally abused have been known to resort to fantasizing, which leads to avoidant behavior and isolation over long periods. These are unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Now that I have covered how emotional abuse affects one in the short-term, long-term, and even children, how does emotional abuse affect one's brain? Once again I refer to PsychCentral because they record three different ways that emotional abuse affects one's brain. They are the following:
1) Emotional Understanding & Empathy
Emotional abuse can cause damage to the hippocampus which can make it very difficult for one to feel empathy for others.
2) Self-Awareness
Emotional abuse has been known to cause damage to the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe, which in turn makes it difficult for one to be able to manage their emotions and become self-aware.
3) Epigenetic Changes & Depression
Emotional abuse has been known to cause damage to the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal portion of the brain, which in turn causes the person to suffer from Depression.
As you can clearly see that emotional abuse is very real and in a lot of ways can be more harmful than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse, once it is over it is over, but with emotional abuse, that leaves a scar that some people never get over. I am not in any way trying to downplay the physical abuse, though. I understand that victims of physical abuse also deal with emotional scars for many years to come as well. Usually when someone suffers from emotional abuse long enough the abuse eventually becomes physical abuse. I know that was definitely true in my case with my ex-girlfriend too. So, I can understand and sympathize with anyone who has suffered both emotional and physical abuse. However, I must admit that the emotional abuse that I suffered was much more difficult for me to get over than the physical abuse I suffered. I think if you take the time to really think about what I am saying then you will agree with me about this too.
Regardless of whether or not you agree with me, I am sure that you will agree with me that abuse in whatever form it takes is horrible. No one should ever abuse anyone, but since we live in a fallen world with fallen people there will unfortunately be abuse. This should cause us all the more to desire for the Lord Jesus Christ to return quickly to usher in the New Heaven and the New Earth, where there will be no more sin, suffering, pain, or even death because God will make all things new. Soli Deo Gloria!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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