According to the National Association of Mental Illness, about 20% of the population suffers from some kind of mental illness. Some estimates say that the number is about 50% of the population. This means that mental illness is very common. Since mental illness is so common, you'd think that the Body of Christ would be better at helping those who struggle with mental illness, especially when you consider that we are called to minister to the weak and needy amongst us. However, history and the present time have proven that the mentally ill are not always treated the best. The mentally Ill have actually been abused by the Church on many occasions. This is why there needs to be something that shows people how to properly support and care for the mentally ill. In this blog, I shall carefully explain how you can support your mentally ill loved one. If you follow the advice in this blog, then you will prevent yourself from hurting anyone who struggles with mental illness. The advice I am about to give is things that I wish Christians would do for me. From my own experience, I have found five different ways that will help you support your mentally ill loved one. They are the following:
1) Listen To Them
2) Make Your Presence Known
3) Pray For Them
4) Don't Argue With Them
5) Keep An Open Door
I will elaborate on these five points in a minute, but first I'd like to say that these are not the only ways that you can support your mentally ill loved one. These are just some ways that I am choosing to focus on for right now. If you can think of any others, please feel free to let me know in the comments below.
Listen To Them
This may seem pretty basic, right? However, I have experienced so many Christians who assume they know more about my mental illness than I do. This is not only offensive to us, but it is also extremely ignorant. No matter who or what you are, you do not know more about one's mental illness than the one who personally has to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. So, it would be in your best interest to just be quiet and actually listen to your loved one tell you about what they are experiencing. If you do that, it will go a long way in formulating a bond of trust between you and your loved one.
Make Your Presence Known
One of the best things that Job's friends ever did for Job was sat by him in complete silence. Actually, as soon as they opened their mouths they ruined everything. We do not need advice or platitudes from you. All of the time, all we need is to know that someone is there who cares for us. If you can just take the time out of your busy life to extend some time to be around us then that will be very helpful because most of us do not want to be alone. You can spend time with us playing a video game or talking on the phone or you can even just sit with us in complete silence, it does not matter to us as long as you are there.
Pray For Them
I cannot stress to you how important prayer is for a Christian. We have a direct line to the Almighty God through Jesus Christ. So why would we not pray? I have found that if you are praying daily for your mentally ill loved one, the Lord will soften your heart toward us and enable you to have more compassion. This is very important because I understand that a lot of times we can be hard to deal with. So, if you make an intentional effort to be in prayer for us, then it will rejuvenate your soul and help you be better prepared to be around us.
Don't Argue With Them
Again, this may seem pretty basic, however, so many Christians mess up on this point. I have found a lot of Christians who thought they knew about my illness better than me try to argue with me about it. This is definitely not good because not only is it completely offensive, but it is also very triggering for us. You arguing with us can send us on a downward spiral that we cannot get back from. So, you must refrain from arguing with us at all costs.
Keep An Open Door
This is a very important point to make because we have been shunned by not only society but sometimes even our very own family members. For so many of us, we are completely alone. As a result, a lot of us struggle with trusting people. If you can demonstrate your care by always being available when we need you, then that will go a long way in establishing a rapport. We all need someone who we can call in the middle of the night whenever we are feeling depressed or suicidal. We also need someone who can talk us down from an episode of mania or someone who can be there for us when we are in the midst of a severe panic attack. If you can be that person, it will mean the world to us.
In closing, I would like to end this blog with some Scripture concerning our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:15 says,
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect was tempted as we are, yet without sin."
Jesus Christ was someone who truly understands what we are going through, whether you have a mental illness or not. The reason that He can sympathize with us is because as a man He was tempted in every way that we are tempted. As those who follow Christ, we should in the same way be able to sympathize with others, especially those of us who deal with various mental illnesses. As it says in 1 John 3:14-15,
"We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him"
This is a serious point the Apostle John is making here. He is basically saying that if you do not love your brothers and sisters in the faith, regardless if they have a mental illness or not, then you are not even a Christian. Those of us who profess to belong to Christ should heed this warning.
I thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that it helps you properly understand how to better support your mentally ill loved one. We definitely need your support because mental illness is very much stigmatized in society and the Church. As a result, many of us feel alone and abandoned by others and even God. So, whatever you can do for us, even if it is small, will mean everything to us. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Click here to check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Click here to check out the other C.C.M.H Ministry Website
1) Listen To Them
2) Make Your Presence Known
3) Pray For Them
4) Don't Argue With Them
5) Keep An Open Door
I will elaborate on these five points in a minute, but first I'd like to say that these are not the only ways that you can support your mentally ill loved one. These are just some ways that I am choosing to focus on for right now. If you can think of any others, please feel free to let me know in the comments below.
Listen To Them
This may seem pretty basic, right? However, I have experienced so many Christians who assume they know more about my mental illness than I do. This is not only offensive to us, but it is also extremely ignorant. No matter who or what you are, you do not know more about one's mental illness than the one who personally has to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. So, it would be in your best interest to just be quiet and actually listen to your loved one tell you about what they are experiencing. If you do that, it will go a long way in formulating a bond of trust between you and your loved one.
Make Your Presence Known
One of the best things that Job's friends ever did for Job was sat by him in complete silence. Actually, as soon as they opened their mouths they ruined everything. We do not need advice or platitudes from you. All of the time, all we need is to know that someone is there who cares for us. If you can just take the time out of your busy life to extend some time to be around us then that will be very helpful because most of us do not want to be alone. You can spend time with us playing a video game or talking on the phone or you can even just sit with us in complete silence, it does not matter to us as long as you are there.
Pray For Them
I cannot stress to you how important prayer is for a Christian. We have a direct line to the Almighty God through Jesus Christ. So why would we not pray? I have found that if you are praying daily for your mentally ill loved one, the Lord will soften your heart toward us and enable you to have more compassion. This is very important because I understand that a lot of times we can be hard to deal with. So, if you make an intentional effort to be in prayer for us, then it will rejuvenate your soul and help you be better prepared to be around us.
Don't Argue With Them
Again, this may seem pretty basic, however, so many Christians mess up on this point. I have found a lot of Christians who thought they knew about my illness better than me try to argue with me about it. This is definitely not good because not only is it completely offensive, but it is also very triggering for us. You arguing with us can send us on a downward spiral that we cannot get back from. So, you must refrain from arguing with us at all costs.
Keep An Open Door
This is a very important point to make because we have been shunned by not only society but sometimes even our very own family members. For so many of us, we are completely alone. As a result, a lot of us struggle with trusting people. If you can demonstrate your care by always being available when we need you, then that will go a long way in establishing a rapport. We all need someone who we can call in the middle of the night whenever we are feeling depressed or suicidal. We also need someone who can talk us down from an episode of mania or someone who can be there for us when we are in the midst of a severe panic attack. If you can be that person, it will mean the world to us.
In closing, I would like to end this blog with some Scripture concerning our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:15 says,
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect was tempted as we are, yet without sin."
Jesus Christ was someone who truly understands what we are going through, whether you have a mental illness or not. The reason that He can sympathize with us is because as a man He was tempted in every way that we are tempted. As those who follow Christ, we should in the same way be able to sympathize with others, especially those of us who deal with various mental illnesses. As it says in 1 John 3:14-15,
"We know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him"
This is a serious point the Apostle John is making here. He is basically saying that if you do not love your brothers and sisters in the faith, regardless if they have a mental illness or not, then you are not even a Christian. Those of us who profess to belong to Christ should heed this warning.
I thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that it helps you properly understand how to better support your mentally ill loved one. We definitely need your support because mental illness is very much stigmatized in society and the Church. As a result, many of us feel alone and abandoned by others and even God. So, whatever you can do for us, even if it is small, will mean everything to us. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Click here to check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Click here to check out the other C.C.M.H Ministry Website
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