Recently, I read about a friend's dating story and it gave me the idea to write my own dating story because I could relate to him on many different fronts and I feel that my dating story can help others who are single too. I was single for a good portion of my life and actually, I did not have my first girlfriend until I was 19. This was especially hard for me when I have seen other guys my age with their girlfriends. In the same way as my friend, whenever I heard platitudes such as "God has you in a season of singleness" or "Just wait on His timing", it really stung. How long does a season of singleness last? Why is God making me wait so long? These questions and much more constantly ran through my head daily. So, please understand that I get where you are coming from. I know that must seem like difficult to understand because you are probably thinking, "How could you possibly understand where MY situation is?'". I am not going to give you the same platitudes that I received growing up because I know that they do not help. However, I hope that after you read my blog, this will give you some hope. My journey was a long and arduous one and it is filled with a whole lot of pain and heartache. I actually did not find my wife until I was in my thirties. So, please read my story to the end and I believe that you will understand where I am coming from a little better.
I was pretty much a loner growing up. I had some friends, mainly females, but I felt that I was a weirdo and that no one would understand me. It did not help that at the age of 13, I was originally diagnosed with clinical Depression and put on antidepressants. It made sense to me because I did feel very depressed because of being taken away from my mother and placed into foster care. However, my diagnosis did not do anything but serve to make me feel even more like a weirdo. Why did I get stuck with Depression? It made absolutely no sense and I felt cursed by God.
It did not help that I had my first hallucination at the age of 15, which only confirmed in my mind that I was weird and destined to be alone. Some people would try to reach out to me but I still pretty much pushed them away. I wanted to be left alone in my sorrows. Also, it did not help that I went through puberty late, which made me jealous of my peers who seemed to be becoming men a lot sooner than I was. It made me feel inferior to them. All of this combined and much more caused me to resort to cutting myself. When I made my first slits on my arm, I felt such a surge of relief and I was instantly addicted to the feeling. I cannot really explain the euphoria that I felt, but those who used to cut will understand.
At the age of 19, I met the first woman that I started dating. We met in a Christian-based transitional housing called New Creations Inn. Her name was Cherrelle and I instantly fell in love with her. She was 27 years old at the time and I literally was infatuated with her. Unfortunately, she was only interested in sex with me. Needless to say, she ended up using me and manipulating me for her own needs, then when her baby's father was back in the picture, she dumped me right away. I felt crushed and humiliated for a long while after that. I had thought that she was the one I would marry.
During this time, I was attending a church called the Vineyard, but I was still feeling hurt by Cherrelle. However, I was determined to relieve myself of my pain by dating again. I remember I told three separate women on three separate occasions that the Lord told me that they would marry me. In retrospect, I was acting out of desperation. I was desperate to be married because I was very lonely.
It took me a couple years before I finally recovered from the pain of what Cherrelle had put me through and was ready to date again. This time I met another girl named Nicole Mathis. Again, I fell head over heels in love with her, but she was only interested in having sex with me. I remember I began questioning my relationship with her one day when we were watching a movie called "Crazy, Stupid, Love" with Steve Carrell because she told me in the theater that she was not ready to be "tied down" because she was still young and wanted to experience life. I felt crushed at this revelation because again I thought that she was "The One". However, I still remained with her for a while because I felt it was better to be around her than to be alone. I hated being alone.
Shortly after Nicole broke up with me, I met Nuri Rhines on Facebook. Back then, I would spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook. I still spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook but these days it is to promote my ministry mainly. Nuri and I hit it off immediately, but it was a long-distance relationship because she lived in Nevada and I lived in Colorado. Again, I feel deeply in love with her and that she was "The One". This time the feeling was mutual. We both shared a love for Christian apologetics and she even introduced me to Reformed Theology. Finally, I found the woman that I was destined to marry! Or so I thought. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last very long. We did not have a nasty breakup or anything though. We just were heading in two different directions in life.
After Nuri and I broke up, I decided to just be single for a while and focus on myself and my relationship with God. However, I still felt lonely. It was during this time that I met a woman named Alicia. She and I were instantly attracted to one another, but she was not a believer. I did not care because I was wanting to end my loneliness. Besides, I told myself that I could lead her to the faith. So, I decided to missionary date for the first time. I felt that she was "The One" too and I became infatuated with her too. However, because of my loneliness, I became very clingy toward her. I became increasingly paranoid that she would either leave me or cheat on me. As a result, I wanted to spend every second of the day right by her side. Needless to say, she broke up with me after about two weeks and I was left feeling devastated yet again.
Shortly after Alicia, I met another woman named Nicole. She and I got along really well and we bonded over the fact that we were both Asian too. I actually looked forward to seeing her every day at college in the smoking pit. I even skipped classes just so I could hang out with her. She was not a believer and had no interest in hearing about my faith either though. It was different for me to be interested in her because up until now I was only dating black women. I quickly fell in love with her too anyway, but she had absolutely no interest in dating anyone. I tried with all my might to convince her to date me, even to the point of randomly buying her all sorts of gifts. Eventually, I actually began stalking her! This caused her some discomfort and she began to avoid me. Eventually, I gave up on her and decided to be single again and focus on my studies. I still felt lonely, though. I remained single for many years after Nicole and eventually, I resolved that I would be single forever. Slowly I began to accept this lot and I even became somewhat comfortable with it too. I still felt lonely, but I just channeled my loneliness into growing closer to the Lord.
After Nicole, I ended up meeting a woman named Natasha on Facebook. We ended up dating after a few phone conversations, but again it was long distance because lived in New Jersey while I was in California at the time. I eventually moved to New Jersey to be with her. It turned out to be a year of literal hell for me. She was a complete narcissist who only manipulated and controlled me. She even would emotionally abuse me and eventually, she even physically abused me too. Later, I ended up hearing voices telling me to kill her and it scared me so much that I ran away back to Colorado just to get away from her.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type. It made complete sense to me when I was diagnosed with this because finally, I understood why I was such a weirdo. I eventually decided that I would put my mother and myself into a mental health group home. I had my sister, Virginia, take me to a couple group homes to check out, but neither of them appealed to me.
Around this time, I met a woman named Lydia in an AMBW Facebook Group. AMBW stands for Asian Men and Black Women. We exchanged numbers after chatting for a little while and had our first phone conversation. We quickly hit it off and I knew that I truly loved her right away. She was much different than the previous women because she was Reformed in her faith and actually took it seriously. She did not have a mental illness, but she was open to dating me even though I have a mental illness. She was even open to learning more about mental illness too. We talked about all the important topics right away and I just knew that she would be the woman I wanted to marry. We met for the first time in Chicago because she had a race there and then we went on our first date at a restaurant named NIU. It was an expensive place and I did not really have the money for it, but I wanted to impress her. So, I took her there regardless. When I returned to my rooming house in Ohio, I decide to buy an engagement ring because I had planned to propose to her the next time we saw one another. We ended up dating, getting engaged, and married in less than one year. When you know you know. Now, we are going on three years of wedded bliss this July. The Lord has really been good to us.
Now, that you read my story, I hope you can understand that I get where you are coming from in your situation. As promised, I will not attempt to assuage your loneliness with platitudes but I do have some sound advice for you. As my friend said in his blog, you are NOT alone. I know that it may feel that way, but many people are in your situation. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. God understands what you are going through because Jesus was tempted in every way that you are, yet was with sin. So, The Lord truly does understand your pain. This means that you can take your pain to Him for He cares for you. Don't be afraid to ask the Lord for a spouse because our Lord told us to ask, seek, and knock with the promise that the door will be opened. I firmly believe that God would not have given you the desire for marriage if He did not intend to fulfill it. However, while you are pleading with the Lord for a spouse, ask Him to make you into the kind of man or woman that your spouse will need. Also, be in prayer always for your future spouse too. If you are interested in someone, do not be afraid to approach them and tell them you are interested. How will they ever know you are interested, if you do not say so? Also, join some singles groups in church or try joining some Christian dating Facebook groups to meet new people. The more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your chances of finding someone. If you are interested, my wife and I have a Facebook group called Marriage Minded, which is specifically for people with mental illness who are seeking marriage and for anyone desiring to help someone with mental illness seek marriage. And do not give up on the first rejection because you may have to be rejected by a few people before you find the Right One for you. If someone rejects you, it just means they were not meant for you Most importantly, do not fall into the trap of finding your identity in your singleness or your relationship like I did. Our identity is found solely in Christ alone and because of that, you are already a whole person, regardless of your relationship status. Allow that truth to permeate your mind and heart and rest in His grace.
I thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog story and I hope that you found it very encouraging. God does have someone for you, you just have to trust Him. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
I was pretty much a loner growing up. I had some friends, mainly females, but I felt that I was a weirdo and that no one would understand me. It did not help that at the age of 13, I was originally diagnosed with clinical Depression and put on antidepressants. It made sense to me because I did feel very depressed because of being taken away from my mother and placed into foster care. However, my diagnosis did not do anything but serve to make me feel even more like a weirdo. Why did I get stuck with Depression? It made absolutely no sense and I felt cursed by God.
It did not help that I had my first hallucination at the age of 15, which only confirmed in my mind that I was weird and destined to be alone. Some people would try to reach out to me but I still pretty much pushed them away. I wanted to be left alone in my sorrows. Also, it did not help that I went through puberty late, which made me jealous of my peers who seemed to be becoming men a lot sooner than I was. It made me feel inferior to them. All of this combined and much more caused me to resort to cutting myself. When I made my first slits on my arm, I felt such a surge of relief and I was instantly addicted to the feeling. I cannot really explain the euphoria that I felt, but those who used to cut will understand.
At the age of 19, I met the first woman that I started dating. We met in a Christian-based transitional housing called New Creations Inn. Her name was Cherrelle and I instantly fell in love with her. She was 27 years old at the time and I literally was infatuated with her. Unfortunately, she was only interested in sex with me. Needless to say, she ended up using me and manipulating me for her own needs, then when her baby's father was back in the picture, she dumped me right away. I felt crushed and humiliated for a long while after that. I had thought that she was the one I would marry.
During this time, I was attending a church called the Vineyard, but I was still feeling hurt by Cherrelle. However, I was determined to relieve myself of my pain by dating again. I remember I told three separate women on three separate occasions that the Lord told me that they would marry me. In retrospect, I was acting out of desperation. I was desperate to be married because I was very lonely.
It took me a couple years before I finally recovered from the pain of what Cherrelle had put me through and was ready to date again. This time I met another girl named Nicole Mathis. Again, I fell head over heels in love with her, but she was only interested in having sex with me. I remember I began questioning my relationship with her one day when we were watching a movie called "Crazy, Stupid, Love" with Steve Carrell because she told me in the theater that she was not ready to be "tied down" because she was still young and wanted to experience life. I felt crushed at this revelation because again I thought that she was "The One". However, I still remained with her for a while because I felt it was better to be around her than to be alone. I hated being alone.
Shortly after Nicole broke up with me, I met Nuri Rhines on Facebook. Back then, I would spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook. I still spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook but these days it is to promote my ministry mainly. Nuri and I hit it off immediately, but it was a long-distance relationship because she lived in Nevada and I lived in Colorado. Again, I feel deeply in love with her and that she was "The One". This time the feeling was mutual. We both shared a love for Christian apologetics and she even introduced me to Reformed Theology. Finally, I found the woman that I was destined to marry! Or so I thought. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last very long. We did not have a nasty breakup or anything though. We just were heading in two different directions in life.
After Nuri and I broke up, I decided to just be single for a while and focus on myself and my relationship with God. However, I still felt lonely. It was during this time that I met a woman named Alicia. She and I were instantly attracted to one another, but she was not a believer. I did not care because I was wanting to end my loneliness. Besides, I told myself that I could lead her to the faith. So, I decided to missionary date for the first time. I felt that she was "The One" too and I became infatuated with her too. However, because of my loneliness, I became very clingy toward her. I became increasingly paranoid that she would either leave me or cheat on me. As a result, I wanted to spend every second of the day right by her side. Needless to say, she broke up with me after about two weeks and I was left feeling devastated yet again.
Shortly after Alicia, I met another woman named Nicole. She and I got along really well and we bonded over the fact that we were both Asian too. I actually looked forward to seeing her every day at college in the smoking pit. I even skipped classes just so I could hang out with her. She was not a believer and had no interest in hearing about my faith either though. It was different for me to be interested in her because up until now I was only dating black women. I quickly fell in love with her too anyway, but she had absolutely no interest in dating anyone. I tried with all my might to convince her to date me, even to the point of randomly buying her all sorts of gifts. Eventually, I actually began stalking her! This caused her some discomfort and she began to avoid me. Eventually, I gave up on her and decided to be single again and focus on my studies. I still felt lonely, though. I remained single for many years after Nicole and eventually, I resolved that I would be single forever. Slowly I began to accept this lot and I even became somewhat comfortable with it too. I still felt lonely, but I just channeled my loneliness into growing closer to the Lord.
After Nicole, I ended up meeting a woman named Natasha on Facebook. We ended up dating after a few phone conversations, but again it was long distance because lived in New Jersey while I was in California at the time. I eventually moved to New Jersey to be with her. It turned out to be a year of literal hell for me. She was a complete narcissist who only manipulated and controlled me. She even would emotionally abuse me and eventually, she even physically abused me too. Later, I ended up hearing voices telling me to kill her and it scared me so much that I ran away back to Colorado just to get away from her.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type. It made complete sense to me when I was diagnosed with this because finally, I understood why I was such a weirdo. I eventually decided that I would put my mother and myself into a mental health group home. I had my sister, Virginia, take me to a couple group homes to check out, but neither of them appealed to me.
Around this time, I met a woman named Lydia in an AMBW Facebook Group. AMBW stands for Asian Men and Black Women. We exchanged numbers after chatting for a little while and had our first phone conversation. We quickly hit it off and I knew that I truly loved her right away. She was much different than the previous women because she was Reformed in her faith and actually took it seriously. She did not have a mental illness, but she was open to dating me even though I have a mental illness. She was even open to learning more about mental illness too. We talked about all the important topics right away and I just knew that she would be the woman I wanted to marry. We met for the first time in Chicago because she had a race there and then we went on our first date at a restaurant named NIU. It was an expensive place and I did not really have the money for it, but I wanted to impress her. So, I took her there regardless. When I returned to my rooming house in Ohio, I decide to buy an engagement ring because I had planned to propose to her the next time we saw one another. We ended up dating, getting engaged, and married in less than one year. When you know you know. Now, we are going on three years of wedded bliss this July. The Lord has really been good to us.
Now, that you read my story, I hope you can understand that I get where you are coming from in your situation. As promised, I will not attempt to assuage your loneliness with platitudes but I do have some sound advice for you. As my friend said in his blog, you are NOT alone. I know that it may feel that way, but many people are in your situation. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. God understands what you are going through because Jesus was tempted in every way that you are, yet was with sin. So, The Lord truly does understand your pain. This means that you can take your pain to Him for He cares for you. Don't be afraid to ask the Lord for a spouse because our Lord told us to ask, seek, and knock with the promise that the door will be opened. I firmly believe that God would not have given you the desire for marriage if He did not intend to fulfill it. However, while you are pleading with the Lord for a spouse, ask Him to make you into the kind of man or woman that your spouse will need. Also, be in prayer always for your future spouse too. If you are interested in someone, do not be afraid to approach them and tell them you are interested. How will they ever know you are interested, if you do not say so? Also, join some singles groups in church or try joining some Christian dating Facebook groups to meet new people. The more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your chances of finding someone. If you are interested, my wife and I have a Facebook group called Marriage Minded, which is specifically for people with mental illness who are seeking marriage and for anyone desiring to help someone with mental illness seek marriage. And do not give up on the first rejection because you may have to be rejected by a few people before you find the Right One for you. If someone rejects you, it just means they were not meant for you Most importantly, do not fall into the trap of finding your identity in your singleness or your relationship like I did. Our identity is found solely in Christ alone and because of that, you are already a whole person, regardless of your relationship status. Allow that truth to permeate your mind and heart and rest in His grace.
I thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog story and I hope that you found it very encouraging. God does have someone for you, you just have to trust Him. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
No comments:
Post a Comment