***This is a fictitious account of a man named Danny who deals with Clinical Depression. Some content in this series may be triggering. If you are easily triggered, please do not read this***
I finally got discharged from Memorial Catholic Psychiatric Hospital about two days ago and I feel ecstatic. The first thing that I did when I got home was lay a big kiss on my wife. I think she was surprised because she told me I seemed very happy. The truth is, I have never felt happier. The Zoloft that Dr. Thurman prescribed me is a miracle drug. I have no idea why I did not know about this sooner. I keep thinking about when I talked to that hospital chaplain about the Lord. His kindness and gentleness really warmed my heart. I wonder if all Christians are just like him. I guess I will find out this Sunday when I go to church. I walk into the kitchen and see my wife preparing pork chops and greens. I love it when Angela makes pork chops and greens. I walk up to her and caress her butt with my right hand and kiss her neck. She smiles and says that she loves me.
"Would you like to go to church with me tomorrow, babe?" I gently ask her and she seems very surprised by my request. She tells me that she had no idea that I was religious.
"I recently gave my life over to the Lord while I was in the hospital" I excitedly tell her and she makes a scowl with her face. Why is she upset? I would think that she would be pleased that I found Jesus. I ask her what the problem is.
"I do not like that you're trying to bring a dead man into our home," She says angrily. I am taken aback by this and attempt to tell her that Jesus is not dead because He literally rose from the dead. She looks dismayed by this.
"Come on, baby," Angela speaks "You cannot honestly believe that nonsense right? I mean, have you ever SEEN a dead person rise from the dead before? It is a scientific impossibility. Think about it." I must admit that she does seem to make a point because dead people do not rise. And, indeed, I have never seen a dead person rise from the dead. However, if the story of Jesus IS true, then it is pretty remarkable.
"Don't you think that if Jesus were to have risen from the dead, it would be considered a miracle of God?" I gently ask her. I am determined to reason with my wife because I want her to see my logic and perhaps become saved herself. However, she just met my determination with more resistance.
"Babe, we do not even know if there is a god." She flatly says and this time she seems even more annoyed with me. She then tells me that she has always been an atheist. My wife is an atheist? Why did she not tell me this before? I guess in the three years that we have been married it has never even come up. I must admit that I am deeply distressed by this but I am not sure why.
"Don't you think that if there is no God that this life would be pretty depressing?" I inquire of her. She just laughs in my face and I feel pretty sheepish.
"There are plenty of atheists who go on to live fulfilling lives without religion in their life. Look at Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris for example. You do not need religion to be happy. We create our own meaning to life!" She says and I must admit that I do see the logic in that. I do not know who Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris are, but I think I will check them out as soon as possible. My wife finishes making the pork chops and greens and take our seats at the Dining Room table and eat our dinners in silence. I just keep thinking about Angela being an atheist and how life could still hold meaning without God. I do not understand that whatsoever. I know that when I came to the faith, I felt like for once in my life I had a purpose. Was it all a lie? Am I being a fool who is being deceived? I will just finish eating my dinner and go to bed early. Then, tomorrow morning I will go to church and talk to Chaplain Henry about this if I see him. However, I do feel a dark cloud forming above my head. I begin feeling a little blue. I am not sure why this is happening. Maybe the Zoloft is not working anymore and maybe I need my medication adjusted again. I decide to push the thought away and focus on my food.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like the dark cloud did not leave me. I walk sluggishly to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for church. My wife asks me why I am up so early and I tell her that I am going to church. Did she not remember our conversation from yesterday?
"Oh, you were serious about that?" She angrily asks me. I do not understand why she is so angry about my faith in God. I think it is irrational, but I choose not to say anything. I just focus on brushing my teeth. However, I keep having thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. What if what she is saying is actually true? What if I am believing a lie and there is no meaning to life? If that is the case then I may as well kill myself. If there is no God, then life is really meaningless. Angela said that we create our own meaning, but what is the point of all of that? If this life is all that there is, then that means we just live to suffer and then eventually die. That is no life to live. I end up resolving that when I go to church this morning, if I do not see any reason to live afterward, then I will kill myself because I do not want to live to suffer and then just die. My neighbor Jeff owns a gun, so I will ask him if I can borrow it.
As I am driving to the address that Chaplain Henry gave me, I cannot stop thinking about what my wife said yesterday evening right before dinner. I love her dearly, but I honestly hope that she is wrong this time. If God is not real and this whole Christianity thing is a life, then I was sold a bill of goods. I was hoodwinked and bamboozled. I pull up to the church and the first thing that I notice is how small the building seems to be. They must not have the funds for a bigger church building. That's fine because a smaller church building may mean a smaller congregation and I do not want to be around a lot of people. I really hope that these people are as friendly as Chaplain Henry. As I walk into the church, I am greeted by a rotund old man with a nice three-piece black suit and tie. I notice that he is wearing a Rolex watch on his right hand and he has wire-rimmed glasses on. He smiles at me and introduces himself as Alex. I tell him my name and he asks me how I found the church.
"Chaplain Henry told me about it when I spoke to him in Memorial Hospital" I calmly reply.
"Oh, Henry is such a gem!" He proudly proclaims as he leads me to a pew in the front of the church. I was not expecting to sit all the way in the front, but I thank him anyways. He tells me that he hopes I enjoy the service as he walks back to the front of the church. I look around and see the stained glass windows with angels on them. They look gloriously beautiful. What a sight!
"We do not even know if there is a god" Angela's voice breaks into my thoughts. I immediately feel the dark foreboding coming over me again. Chaplain Henry sees me in the front and approaches me.
"Hey, Danny! Welcome to our church! How are you?" He says as he sticks out his hand to shake my hand. I reach out my right hand to shake his, but I remain seated. I do not feel like standing up.
"I am fine" I lied and Chaplain Henry tells me that I will like Pastor Tom's sermons because he preaches a solid Gospel. I am not sure what that is supposed to mean, but I just nod my head.
"Well, I am going to sit with my family, but afterward come find me so we can talk some more, alright?" He politely requests of me. I admire his kindness. However, how kind can he really be if he lied to me so easily? I feel dazed and confused. Pastor Tom approaches the front and stands behind a podium. He is a thin man with wire-rimmed glasses and jet-black hair. He greets everyone and asks if there are any new visitors. I raise my hand and he smiles.
"Would you like to stand up and briefly introduce yourself to everyone, son?" He asks of me and immediately I feel scared. However, I decided to comply because I do not want to cause any trouble. I slowly stand to my feet and face the congregation.
"My name is Danny Valentino." I quickly say and then sit back down. Pastor Tom warmly smiles and tells me to welcome to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. I politely tell him thanks. As the service drags on with hymn singing, I feel my mind drift off into a whole bunch of negativity. What if all this is just one big waste of time? Why am I even here? This whole thing is just nonsense like Angela said and I should just walk out right now. I cannot believe that I was dumb enough to fall for Chaplain Henry's lies. As soon as I resolved to leave, Pastor Tom began to preach the sermon. The topic was suffering. I decided to stay for this because I'd like to hear what he has to say about that. He begins by reading Romans 8:18 which says,
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
That Scripture really resonates with me for some reason. Our suffering is not to be compared to the future glory to be revealed in us? Is he talking about our future hope in Heaven? Pastor Tom goes on to talk about how our suffering has a purpose to conform us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. He then reads Romans 8:28, which says,
"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."
The pastor talks about how everything we go through in this life is somehow working for our good because God is sovereign and in control over everything that comes to pass. I actually feel a sense of joy right now. My cloud of darkness is being lifted because I have hope again. Since God is sovereign, He can work out all I am going through for my good. Even my Clinical Depression? Can He heal me of that? Perhaps. That is my hope anyway.
After the service is over, I walk out of the sanctuary and Chaplain Henry finds me. He introduces me to his wife, Amy, and his two kids, James and Katie. He then asks me if I have a minute to speak with him. I answer in the affirmative and we walk away to sit down on a bench by the restroom.
"So, how have you been since you've been discharged, Danny? He asks in a very hushed tone of voice. I guess he is trying to respect my privacy by not unintentionally announcing that I was in the psychiatric hospital recently. I appreciate that.
"To be honest," I look down to the floor "I was fine until yesterday evening." Chaplain Henry seems concerned and asks me what happened. I explain to him all that went on with me and my wife and how she put doubt into my mind. He does not seem surprised one bit.
"Honestly," He begins to say, "it can be tough when one person in a marriage is a Christian while the other is not. I am sorry that this happened." He seems genuine. I look up and see the compassion in his eyes.
"But, is it true that we cannot know if there is a God or not?" I quietly ask him and he looks at me with a caring look in his eyes.
"No, it is not at all. There is actually very good evidence that God exists and Christianity is true. Do you care to borrow a book from me? Will you read it?" He asks me gently. I answer in the affirmative and then we both stand up and head to his office. He then grabs a book off of his bookshelf and hands it to me.
"Now, I do not agree with everything Dr. Frank Turek and Norman Geisler say, but this is a very good book explaining the evidence for Christianity, though." He says as I grab the book. I stare at it with astonishment. It is titled "I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist". I chuckle at the title. Does it really take a whole lot of faith to be an atheist? I guess that I will find out. I resolve to begin reading this tonight before bed. I thank Chaplain Henry and we shake hands and hug each other. Then, I quickly head out to my car and begin driving back home. While I am driving, I am filled with thoughts of joy about the sovereignty of God.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 6 NEXT WEDNESDAY...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"Would you like to go to church with me tomorrow, babe?" I gently ask her and she seems very surprised by my request. She tells me that she had no idea that I was religious.
"I recently gave my life over to the Lord while I was in the hospital" I excitedly tell her and she makes a scowl with her face. Why is she upset? I would think that she would be pleased that I found Jesus. I ask her what the problem is.
"I do not like that you're trying to bring a dead man into our home," She says angrily. I am taken aback by this and attempt to tell her that Jesus is not dead because He literally rose from the dead. She looks dismayed by this.
"Come on, baby," Angela speaks "You cannot honestly believe that nonsense right? I mean, have you ever SEEN a dead person rise from the dead before? It is a scientific impossibility. Think about it." I must admit that she does seem to make a point because dead people do not rise. And, indeed, I have never seen a dead person rise from the dead. However, if the story of Jesus IS true, then it is pretty remarkable.
"Don't you think that if Jesus were to have risen from the dead, it would be considered a miracle of God?" I gently ask her. I am determined to reason with my wife because I want her to see my logic and perhaps become saved herself. However, she just met my determination with more resistance.
"Babe, we do not even know if there is a god." She flatly says and this time she seems even more annoyed with me. She then tells me that she has always been an atheist. My wife is an atheist? Why did she not tell me this before? I guess in the three years that we have been married it has never even come up. I must admit that I am deeply distressed by this but I am not sure why.
"Don't you think that if there is no God that this life would be pretty depressing?" I inquire of her. She just laughs in my face and I feel pretty sheepish.
"There are plenty of atheists who go on to live fulfilling lives without religion in their life. Look at Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris for example. You do not need religion to be happy. We create our own meaning to life!" She says and I must admit that I do see the logic in that. I do not know who Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris are, but I think I will check them out as soon as possible. My wife finishes making the pork chops and greens and take our seats at the Dining Room table and eat our dinners in silence. I just keep thinking about Angela being an atheist and how life could still hold meaning without God. I do not understand that whatsoever. I know that when I came to the faith, I felt like for once in my life I had a purpose. Was it all a lie? Am I being a fool who is being deceived? I will just finish eating my dinner and go to bed early. Then, tomorrow morning I will go to church and talk to Chaplain Henry about this if I see him. However, I do feel a dark cloud forming above my head. I begin feeling a little blue. I am not sure why this is happening. Maybe the Zoloft is not working anymore and maybe I need my medication adjusted again. I decide to push the thought away and focus on my food.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like the dark cloud did not leave me. I walk sluggishly to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for church. My wife asks me why I am up so early and I tell her that I am going to church. Did she not remember our conversation from yesterday?
"Oh, you were serious about that?" She angrily asks me. I do not understand why she is so angry about my faith in God. I think it is irrational, but I choose not to say anything. I just focus on brushing my teeth. However, I keep having thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. What if what she is saying is actually true? What if I am believing a lie and there is no meaning to life? If that is the case then I may as well kill myself. If there is no God, then life is really meaningless. Angela said that we create our own meaning, but what is the point of all of that? If this life is all that there is, then that means we just live to suffer and then eventually die. That is no life to live. I end up resolving that when I go to church this morning, if I do not see any reason to live afterward, then I will kill myself because I do not want to live to suffer and then just die. My neighbor Jeff owns a gun, so I will ask him if I can borrow it.
As I am driving to the address that Chaplain Henry gave me, I cannot stop thinking about what my wife said yesterday evening right before dinner. I love her dearly, but I honestly hope that she is wrong this time. If God is not real and this whole Christianity thing is a life, then I was sold a bill of goods. I was hoodwinked and bamboozled. I pull up to the church and the first thing that I notice is how small the building seems to be. They must not have the funds for a bigger church building. That's fine because a smaller church building may mean a smaller congregation and I do not want to be around a lot of people. I really hope that these people are as friendly as Chaplain Henry. As I walk into the church, I am greeted by a rotund old man with a nice three-piece black suit and tie. I notice that he is wearing a Rolex watch on his right hand and he has wire-rimmed glasses on. He smiles at me and introduces himself as Alex. I tell him my name and he asks me how I found the church.
"Chaplain Henry told me about it when I spoke to him in Memorial Hospital" I calmly reply.
"Oh, Henry is such a gem!" He proudly proclaims as he leads me to a pew in the front of the church. I was not expecting to sit all the way in the front, but I thank him anyways. He tells me that he hopes I enjoy the service as he walks back to the front of the church. I look around and see the stained glass windows with angels on them. They look gloriously beautiful. What a sight!
"We do not even know if there is a god" Angela's voice breaks into my thoughts. I immediately feel the dark foreboding coming over me again. Chaplain Henry sees me in the front and approaches me.
"Hey, Danny! Welcome to our church! How are you?" He says as he sticks out his hand to shake my hand. I reach out my right hand to shake his, but I remain seated. I do not feel like standing up.
"I am fine" I lied and Chaplain Henry tells me that I will like Pastor Tom's sermons because he preaches a solid Gospel. I am not sure what that is supposed to mean, but I just nod my head.
"Well, I am going to sit with my family, but afterward come find me so we can talk some more, alright?" He politely requests of me. I admire his kindness. However, how kind can he really be if he lied to me so easily? I feel dazed and confused. Pastor Tom approaches the front and stands behind a podium. He is a thin man with wire-rimmed glasses and jet-black hair. He greets everyone and asks if there are any new visitors. I raise my hand and he smiles.
"Would you like to stand up and briefly introduce yourself to everyone, son?" He asks of me and immediately I feel scared. However, I decided to comply because I do not want to cause any trouble. I slowly stand to my feet and face the congregation.
"My name is Danny Valentino." I quickly say and then sit back down. Pastor Tom warmly smiles and tells me to welcome to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. I politely tell him thanks. As the service drags on with hymn singing, I feel my mind drift off into a whole bunch of negativity. What if all this is just one big waste of time? Why am I even here? This whole thing is just nonsense like Angela said and I should just walk out right now. I cannot believe that I was dumb enough to fall for Chaplain Henry's lies. As soon as I resolved to leave, Pastor Tom began to preach the sermon. The topic was suffering. I decided to stay for this because I'd like to hear what he has to say about that. He begins by reading Romans 8:18 which says,
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
That Scripture really resonates with me for some reason. Our suffering is not to be compared to the future glory to be revealed in us? Is he talking about our future hope in Heaven? Pastor Tom goes on to talk about how our suffering has a purpose to conform us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. He then reads Romans 8:28, which says,
"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."
The pastor talks about how everything we go through in this life is somehow working for our good because God is sovereign and in control over everything that comes to pass. I actually feel a sense of joy right now. My cloud of darkness is being lifted because I have hope again. Since God is sovereign, He can work out all I am going through for my good. Even my Clinical Depression? Can He heal me of that? Perhaps. That is my hope anyway.
After the service is over, I walk out of the sanctuary and Chaplain Henry finds me. He introduces me to his wife, Amy, and his two kids, James and Katie. He then asks me if I have a minute to speak with him. I answer in the affirmative and we walk away to sit down on a bench by the restroom.
"So, how have you been since you've been discharged, Danny? He asks in a very hushed tone of voice. I guess he is trying to respect my privacy by not unintentionally announcing that I was in the psychiatric hospital recently. I appreciate that.
"To be honest," I look down to the floor "I was fine until yesterday evening." Chaplain Henry seems concerned and asks me what happened. I explain to him all that went on with me and my wife and how she put doubt into my mind. He does not seem surprised one bit.
"Honestly," He begins to say, "it can be tough when one person in a marriage is a Christian while the other is not. I am sorry that this happened." He seems genuine. I look up and see the compassion in his eyes.
"But, is it true that we cannot know if there is a God or not?" I quietly ask him and he looks at me with a caring look in his eyes.
"No, it is not at all. There is actually very good evidence that God exists and Christianity is true. Do you care to borrow a book from me? Will you read it?" He asks me gently. I answer in the affirmative and then we both stand up and head to his office. He then grabs a book off of his bookshelf and hands it to me.
"Now, I do not agree with everything Dr. Frank Turek and Norman Geisler say, but this is a very good book explaining the evidence for Christianity, though." He says as I grab the book. I stare at it with astonishment. It is titled "I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist". I chuckle at the title. Does it really take a whole lot of faith to be an atheist? I guess that I will find out. I resolve to begin reading this tonight before bed. I thank Chaplain Henry and we shake hands and hug each other. Then, I quickly head out to my car and begin driving back home. While I am driving, I am filled with thoughts of joy about the sovereignty of God.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 6 NEXT WEDNESDAY...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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