Forgiveness is one of the hardest things for anyone to do. When sinned against, it is all too natural for us to harbor animosity toward those who offended us. However, as Christians who call upon the name of the Lord, we must forgive our enemies. When Jesus was asked by one of His disciples about how many times we should forgive, our Lord responded with "not seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:21-22). Now, Jesus was not saying that we should only forgive literally seventy-seven times and then never forgive again. On the contrary, what He was actually getting at was that we should be willing to always forgive at any time. There is a debate in many Christian circles about whether we should always forgive or only forgive those who ask for our forgiveness. I hold to the former position rather than the latter. The reason that I say this is because if we pay close attention to Matthew 18:21-22, Jesus never once tells us to only forgive when someone asks for our forgiveness. Instead, He tells us to always forgive. Also, according to Matthew 5:43-48, Jesus commands us to love our enemies. How could you seriously say you love your enemies when you are harboring ill feelings toward them? Furthermore, when our Lord was being hung on the cross and His enemies were hurling insults at Him, He prayed to the Father in Luke 23:34,
"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"
As you can clearly see, Jesus was willing to forgive when His enemies were not asking for forgiveness. We are called to walk in His steps, thus we are commanded to forgive at all times. Now, I understand that this is easier said than done, and actually, I would argue that this is impossible to do without relying on the power of the Holy Spirit. I know that I personally struggle with forgiving others especially when they intentionally harm me. So, trust me when I say that I am preaching to myself as I write this blog. I will say that although we are called to always forgive, this does not mean we should always reconcile with the person we are forgiving. There are times when it is not appropriate to reconcile with our offender and that is perfectly fine. As one pastor put it, "Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation".
Although we may be commanded in Scripture to always forgive, this still seems like a foreign concept to us because it is not natural. What exactly does forgiveness look like anyway? In this blog, I shall talk about a practical method that forgiveness should look like. The book that I am drawing the following information is by a Christian psychologist named Dr. Mark McMinn and his book is titled Sin and Grace in Christian Counseling: An Integrative Paradigm. In the book, he cites the work of someone named Everett Worthington, a leading expert in the psychology of forgiveness. Worthington came up with the model REACH for forgiving someone who was done wrongly. This helpful acronym stands for:
Recall the hurt
Empathize
Altruistic gift of forgiveness
Commit publicly to forgive
Hold on to forgiveness
I will elaborate on each of these points so that you can have a better understanding of what exactly Worthington is getting at. I would like to say the explanation is purely my own interpretation of this acronym as I never spoke with Worthington or Dr. McMinn myself. However, I do believe that my interpretation is a fairly accurate summary. Please let me know what you think about what I am saying in the comments below.
Recall the hurt
When we are wronged, it comes naturally for us to ruminate on our pain. We are constantly focused on the hurt that someone put us through. Worthington is saying that it is perfectly fine for us to recall the pain we are feeling. This is important for our healing process. We should not ignore our pain nor should we glamourize our pain either. Our pain is real no matter what form it comes in. However, we must not stay in that pain. We must move forward. This leads to the next point.
Empathize
This point may sound counterintuitive because the last thing we want to do is empathize with the person who harmed us. However, when we truly understand the doctrine of Original Sin, we will truly understand that we are just as sinful as the person who sinned against us. We have just as much blame for our sins as the next person. On Judgement Day, the Lord will hold us accountable for what we do just as He will hold the next guy accountable. No one escapes God's judgment. As the scriptures say,
"...all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"
Altruistic gift of forgiveness
When we truly understand our own sinfulness, it should not only cause us to be more empathetic towards the one who sinned against us, but it should also cause us to be able to freely forgive the person too. This will not come easy, but as someone famously said, "There but by the grace of God, go I", we should understand that we are just as capable of committing the same heinous sin as the next person. As a result of this knowledge, we should freely extend forgiveness to even our natural-born enemy.
Commit publicly to forgive
This does not necessarily mean that we should always go to the person and publicly declare that we forgive them. While there are times when this could be good, there are other times when publicly telling the person you forgive them could actually be detrimental. What I take this to mean is that once we have truly chosen to forgive the person who wronged us, we will then choose not to say anything demeaning about them. We will choose instead to see them as a creation of God who reflects His image. Thus, this means that the person has a certain kind of sanctity about them that we should respect and cherish.
Hold onto forgiveness
This one is probably the hardest step of them all because once we forgive the person, the enemy will continue to creep into our thoughts and remind us of all the bad they did to us. As a result of this, we may feel our animosity towards the person rising up in us again. This means that we must be all the more diligent in reminding ourselves that we forgive the person. We may even have to forgive the person all over again multiple times a day. It truly is a battle of the mind to remain in forgiveness, but if we succeed in doing so, it will free us from feelings of bitterness and rage.
I sincerely hope that this blog has helped you better understand what exactly it means to forgive those who wrong you and maybe next time you feel hurt by someone you will think about REACH and decide to implement this tool into your life. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior richly bless you all.
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"
As you can clearly see, Jesus was willing to forgive when His enemies were not asking for forgiveness. We are called to walk in His steps, thus we are commanded to forgive at all times. Now, I understand that this is easier said than done, and actually, I would argue that this is impossible to do without relying on the power of the Holy Spirit. I know that I personally struggle with forgiving others especially when they intentionally harm me. So, trust me when I say that I am preaching to myself as I write this blog. I will say that although we are called to always forgive, this does not mean we should always reconcile with the person we are forgiving. There are times when it is not appropriate to reconcile with our offender and that is perfectly fine. As one pastor put it, "Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation".
Although we may be commanded in Scripture to always forgive, this still seems like a foreign concept to us because it is not natural. What exactly does forgiveness look like anyway? In this blog, I shall talk about a practical method that forgiveness should look like. The book that I am drawing the following information is by a Christian psychologist named Dr. Mark McMinn and his book is titled Sin and Grace in Christian Counseling: An Integrative Paradigm. In the book, he cites the work of someone named Everett Worthington, a leading expert in the psychology of forgiveness. Worthington came up with the model REACH for forgiving someone who was done wrongly. This helpful acronym stands for:
Recall the hurt
Empathize
Altruistic gift of forgiveness
Commit publicly to forgive
Hold on to forgiveness
I will elaborate on each of these points so that you can have a better understanding of what exactly Worthington is getting at. I would like to say the explanation is purely my own interpretation of this acronym as I never spoke with Worthington or Dr. McMinn myself. However, I do believe that my interpretation is a fairly accurate summary. Please let me know what you think about what I am saying in the comments below.
Recall the hurt
When we are wronged, it comes naturally for us to ruminate on our pain. We are constantly focused on the hurt that someone put us through. Worthington is saying that it is perfectly fine for us to recall the pain we are feeling. This is important for our healing process. We should not ignore our pain nor should we glamourize our pain either. Our pain is real no matter what form it comes in. However, we must not stay in that pain. We must move forward. This leads to the next point.
Empathize
This point may sound counterintuitive because the last thing we want to do is empathize with the person who harmed us. However, when we truly understand the doctrine of Original Sin, we will truly understand that we are just as sinful as the person who sinned against us. We have just as much blame for our sins as the next person. On Judgement Day, the Lord will hold us accountable for what we do just as He will hold the next guy accountable. No one escapes God's judgment. As the scriptures say,
"...all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"
Altruistic gift of forgiveness
When we truly understand our own sinfulness, it should not only cause us to be more empathetic towards the one who sinned against us, but it should also cause us to be able to freely forgive the person too. This will not come easy, but as someone famously said, "There but by the grace of God, go I", we should understand that we are just as capable of committing the same heinous sin as the next person. As a result of this knowledge, we should freely extend forgiveness to even our natural-born enemy.
Commit publicly to forgive
This does not necessarily mean that we should always go to the person and publicly declare that we forgive them. While there are times when this could be good, there are other times when publicly telling the person you forgive them could actually be detrimental. What I take this to mean is that once we have truly chosen to forgive the person who wronged us, we will then choose not to say anything demeaning about them. We will choose instead to see them as a creation of God who reflects His image. Thus, this means that the person has a certain kind of sanctity about them that we should respect and cherish.
Hold onto forgiveness
This one is probably the hardest step of them all because once we forgive the person, the enemy will continue to creep into our thoughts and remind us of all the bad they did to us. As a result of this, we may feel our animosity towards the person rising up in us again. This means that we must be all the more diligent in reminding ourselves that we forgive the person. We may even have to forgive the person all over again multiple times a day. It truly is a battle of the mind to remain in forgiveness, but if we succeed in doing so, it will free us from feelings of bitterness and rage.
I sincerely hope that this blog has helped you better understand what exactly it means to forgive those who wrong you and maybe next time you feel hurt by someone you will think about REACH and decide to implement this tool into your life. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior richly bless you all.
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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