***The following is a fictitious account of a woman named Amy Jamison who struggles with Separation Anxiety Disorder. Some content may be triggering. If you are easily triggered, do not keep reading. If you are not easily triggered, then hopefully you find this story to be a tremendous blessing***
Today is my first day at Cedar Springs Mental Hospital. So far my day is going pretty good. I woke up feeling refreshed, despite how uncomfortable my bed was. I felt like I was sleeping on a gym mat with a very thin blanket. All throughout the hospital it is very cold. Why does it need to be so cold? I walk out into what is called the Day Room and I see all kinds of people. It must be breakfast time because I see these people sitting at the tables with trays in front of them. I slowly take my seat at one of the tables and a nurse brings me my tray. As I open the tray up, I am delighted to see that my breakfast is some cornflakes and a bran muffin with some orange juice. I am pleased that they did not give me anything too fattening. As I am eating, the woman at my table decides to make small talk with me.
"My name is Jessica. What is your name?" She asks me, as I am taking a bite out of my muffin. I wait a minute so I can finish chewing. Then, I tell her my name. She tells me that she likes my name and I return the compliment. I am hoping that this will be the end of the conversation, as I am not willing to converse this early in the morning. She asks me if I want her bran muffin and I politely refuse. It's not that I do not trust this woman, but I think one muffin is more than enough for me. I am not trying to get fat while in here. I begin to think about Hank. I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he thinking about me? Or is he talking to that Catie chick? I immediately miss him. I miss his smile and his hugs and kisses. He has such an endearing smile.
After breakfast, the nurses announce that it is time for group and I wonder what that is about. So, I followed everyone into one of the rooms. The room is relatively small, but there are only five of us. The nurse tells us to go around the room to introduce ourselves and say what our favorite color is. There is John, whose favorite color is black; then there is Jacob, whose favorite color is red; then there is Jessica, whose favorite color is pink; then, Mike, whose favorite color is yellow; and last, but not least, myself, whose favorite color is pink also. The nurse introduces herself as Rebecca and says that her favorite color is green. She then turns on the TV to show us this TEDx talk by some man who is talking about something called "Cold Shower Therapy". I find it intriguing because I never heard of taking a cold shower as a form of therapy before. I get the basic premise, however. We should be willing to face a little discomfort at first to achieve what we ultimately want. Does this mean that I should be alright with Hank taking some other woman out on a date? I mean, that makes me uncomfortable, but in the end wouldn't he realize that he truly loves me and not her? If that indeed did happen, wouldn't it make it all worth it? Rebecca turns the TV off and asks us all to think about a time we were made to be uncomfortable for a while, but then later were thankful for it. I cannot really think of anything right now, except for Hank. Jessica talks about a time when she was craving a cigarette but instead, she went for a long walk. She says that the walk was uncomfortable for her, but in the end, it kept her from smoking. Everyone seems to be pleased by that. I decided that I wanted to speak up.
"My boyfriend wants to take another woman on a date and I am feeling very uncomfortable about it, but I think I should let him because maybe then he will realize that he truly loves me, right?" I asked the people around me and they all seemed concerned. I am not sure why they seem concerned. Doesn't what I say make perfect sense? Jessica looks at me dead in my eyes and puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Hun," she begins, "He is cheating on you and you shouldn't be okay with that". I am surprised by her boldness to tell me this. I told her that Hank would never cheat on me because he loves me. Mike chimes in to tell me that no man who loves a woman will take another woman out on a date. I am shocked to hear him say this. Is what these people are saying true? Is Hank cheating on me? Have I been living in the dark this whole time? All of a sudden, I felt an urge to call him, but I remembered that they had taken my phone when I was admitted. My anxiety begins to shoot through the roof.
"Hank would never cheat on me, though," I say, while trying to remain as calm as possible. Jessica tells me that is what she thought about her ex-husband. I was surprised to hear that she was married. Maybe she has some more insight into this than I do. I do not want to believe that my boyfriend is out there cheating on me, though. I miss him terribly and I hope that he is missing me too. He has to be wondering why he has not heard from me yet, right? I mean, by now he would have gotten about a million texts and calls from me. Shouldn't that give him reason to be concerned? I begin to tear up and Jessica hands me a tissue. I take it and blow my nose and wipe my eyes. Then, I excused myself from the group. I need to regain my bearings. I want to believe that Hank loves me like I love him. But, then, why is he taking Catie out on a date? Well, to be fair, he never called it a date. So, if he is not labeling it a date, it is not a date, right? I feel so confused right now and my anxiety is shooting through the roof. I need to cut myself to relieve some tension, but I do not have anything to cut with. This anxiety is maddening. I begin to pace up and down the hallway where my room is. A nurse must have noticed because she was approaching me. I slow down my pace, as she approaches me, and asks what is wrong.
"I need to use the phone..." I tell her and she politely tells me that the phones are off during group time. Of course, they are! I told her that I needed to find out if my boyfriend was cheating on me.
"Shouldn't you trust your boyfriend enough to know that he isn't?" She asks me in the most sincere-sounding voice and it really gets me thinking. Yes, I should trust him, but I really don't. As a matter of fact, I do not think I ever did trust him. He has never given me any real reason to trust him. I tell her this and she seems pretty sympathetic.
"It does not sound like he is a very good support system for you," She says matter-of-factly. She is right. Hank is not a good support for me, but he is all I have. We ended up talking for about ten minutes about establishing healthy support for ourselves. I confess that I do not know how to do that. I tell her that for so long I've only had Hank and she tells me that it starts with participating in groups here. She says that the people are safe to open up to. I want to believe her, but at the same time, I am scared because I do not know them. What if they judge me or something? I do not want to risk being ostracized by these people, but then again, why do I care what they think? All I care about is what Hank thinks. I need to talk to him as soon as possible. I know that once I talk to him, he will clear everything up for me. He will tell me that he loves me and everything will be better. I thank the nurse for talking to me and she tells me that I am welcome. She then tells me that if I ever need to talk she is available. I thank her again and she walks away. I was still feeling really anxious, so I decided to calm myself down by taking a hot shower. For a second, I almost wanted to try a cold shower, but decided against it. I am not ready for that just yet. After my shower, I slip on some hospital clothes and lay in my bed, and begin to drift off to sleep. Maybe I will have a happy dream about me and Hank at the altar. That would make me very happy.
***STAY TUNED FOR PART 7 OF THIS SERIES***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"My name is Jessica. What is your name?" She asks me, as I am taking a bite out of my muffin. I wait a minute so I can finish chewing. Then, I tell her my name. She tells me that she likes my name and I return the compliment. I am hoping that this will be the end of the conversation, as I am not willing to converse this early in the morning. She asks me if I want her bran muffin and I politely refuse. It's not that I do not trust this woman, but I think one muffin is more than enough for me. I am not trying to get fat while in here. I begin to think about Hank. I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he thinking about me? Or is he talking to that Catie chick? I immediately miss him. I miss his smile and his hugs and kisses. He has such an endearing smile.
After breakfast, the nurses announce that it is time for group and I wonder what that is about. So, I followed everyone into one of the rooms. The room is relatively small, but there are only five of us. The nurse tells us to go around the room to introduce ourselves and say what our favorite color is. There is John, whose favorite color is black; then there is Jacob, whose favorite color is red; then there is Jessica, whose favorite color is pink; then, Mike, whose favorite color is yellow; and last, but not least, myself, whose favorite color is pink also. The nurse introduces herself as Rebecca and says that her favorite color is green. She then turns on the TV to show us this TEDx talk by some man who is talking about something called "Cold Shower Therapy". I find it intriguing because I never heard of taking a cold shower as a form of therapy before. I get the basic premise, however. We should be willing to face a little discomfort at first to achieve what we ultimately want. Does this mean that I should be alright with Hank taking some other woman out on a date? I mean, that makes me uncomfortable, but in the end wouldn't he realize that he truly loves me and not her? If that indeed did happen, wouldn't it make it all worth it? Rebecca turns the TV off and asks us all to think about a time we were made to be uncomfortable for a while, but then later were thankful for it. I cannot really think of anything right now, except for Hank. Jessica talks about a time when she was craving a cigarette but instead, she went for a long walk. She says that the walk was uncomfortable for her, but in the end, it kept her from smoking. Everyone seems to be pleased by that. I decided that I wanted to speak up.
"My boyfriend wants to take another woman on a date and I am feeling very uncomfortable about it, but I think I should let him because maybe then he will realize that he truly loves me, right?" I asked the people around me and they all seemed concerned. I am not sure why they seem concerned. Doesn't what I say make perfect sense? Jessica looks at me dead in my eyes and puts her hand on my shoulder.
"Hun," she begins, "He is cheating on you and you shouldn't be okay with that". I am surprised by her boldness to tell me this. I told her that Hank would never cheat on me because he loves me. Mike chimes in to tell me that no man who loves a woman will take another woman out on a date. I am shocked to hear him say this. Is what these people are saying true? Is Hank cheating on me? Have I been living in the dark this whole time? All of a sudden, I felt an urge to call him, but I remembered that they had taken my phone when I was admitted. My anxiety begins to shoot through the roof.
"Hank would never cheat on me, though," I say, while trying to remain as calm as possible. Jessica tells me that is what she thought about her ex-husband. I was surprised to hear that she was married. Maybe she has some more insight into this than I do. I do not want to believe that my boyfriend is out there cheating on me, though. I miss him terribly and I hope that he is missing me too. He has to be wondering why he has not heard from me yet, right? I mean, by now he would have gotten about a million texts and calls from me. Shouldn't that give him reason to be concerned? I begin to tear up and Jessica hands me a tissue. I take it and blow my nose and wipe my eyes. Then, I excused myself from the group. I need to regain my bearings. I want to believe that Hank loves me like I love him. But, then, why is he taking Catie out on a date? Well, to be fair, he never called it a date. So, if he is not labeling it a date, it is not a date, right? I feel so confused right now and my anxiety is shooting through the roof. I need to cut myself to relieve some tension, but I do not have anything to cut with. This anxiety is maddening. I begin to pace up and down the hallway where my room is. A nurse must have noticed because she was approaching me. I slow down my pace, as she approaches me, and asks what is wrong.
"I need to use the phone..." I tell her and she politely tells me that the phones are off during group time. Of course, they are! I told her that I needed to find out if my boyfriend was cheating on me.
"Shouldn't you trust your boyfriend enough to know that he isn't?" She asks me in the most sincere-sounding voice and it really gets me thinking. Yes, I should trust him, but I really don't. As a matter of fact, I do not think I ever did trust him. He has never given me any real reason to trust him. I tell her this and she seems pretty sympathetic.
"It does not sound like he is a very good support system for you," She says matter-of-factly. She is right. Hank is not a good support for me, but he is all I have. We ended up talking for about ten minutes about establishing healthy support for ourselves. I confess that I do not know how to do that. I tell her that for so long I've only had Hank and she tells me that it starts with participating in groups here. She says that the people are safe to open up to. I want to believe her, but at the same time, I am scared because I do not know them. What if they judge me or something? I do not want to risk being ostracized by these people, but then again, why do I care what they think? All I care about is what Hank thinks. I need to talk to him as soon as possible. I know that once I talk to him, he will clear everything up for me. He will tell me that he loves me and everything will be better. I thank the nurse for talking to me and she tells me that I am welcome. She then tells me that if I ever need to talk she is available. I thank her again and she walks away. I was still feeling really anxious, so I decided to calm myself down by taking a hot shower. For a second, I almost wanted to try a cold shower, but decided against it. I am not ready for that just yet. After my shower, I slip on some hospital clothes and lay in my bed, and begin to drift off to sleep. Maybe I will have a happy dream about me and Hank at the altar. That would make me very happy.
***STAY TUNED FOR PART 7 OF THIS SERIES***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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