***The following is a fictitious account of a woman named Amy Jamison who struggles with Separation Anxiety Disorder. Some content may be triggering. If you are easily triggered, do not keep reading. If you are not easily triggered, then hopefully you find this story to be a tremendous blessing***
Today is Sunday and I really do not feel like going to this church. I have not heard from Hank since he last spoke to me and asked for my "blessing" to start dating Catie. Seriously, what does that woman have that I do not have? Sure, she may look like his type, but I was good to him. As a matter of fact, I was really good to him. It really drives me insane how he could just drop me like a ton of bricks like that. Needless to say, I am feeling pretty depressed right now, and I feel like I want to cut myself again. I am going to resist the temptation, but it is strong. I do not even feel like praying to God because it seems like He is putting me through this hell. As a result, The Almighty and I are not on speaking terms right now. However, I did tell Chaplain Dan that I would see him at his church today. I have to be a woman of my word. I look at the card he gave me and I feel an emptiness inside. Maybe getting out of this quiet apartment will do me some good. So, I decided that I'd go to this church, but I was not going to like it. Once the service is over, I'll head straight to my car, and leave before anyone sees me. The last thing I want to do is stay in this apartment and stew over what I lost because then I will just be driven mad and probably do something I'd later regret. So, now I have to get ready. The least I can do is look my best for this church. Maybe then the people won't think anything is wrong. As I am getting ready, a sudden thought hits me. What if Hank changes his mind and comes to my apartment while I am gone because he wants to propose to me? Shouldn't I be home for him? If I am not home, he will be sad, and I do not want him to be sad. It's funny, after all he put me through, I still want him to be happy. Anyways, if he does come by, he can always call me. He does have my number after all. If he calls me while I am away, I will leave immediately to go see him. But, I am going to this church regardless.
As I am driving to the church, I see a squirrel chasing another squirrel. It must be mating season. I began missing Hank because I remember one of our favorite things to do was squirrel-watching at the park. It sounds silly, but I always had fun doing that with him because we would make up different narratives for the squirrels. Anyway, that time is over now, so I wipe it from my mind. I pull up to the church parking lot and it is packed full of cars. I do not like large crowds so this is going to be scary. I hope I do not panic once I am inside because that would be embarrassing. I step inside the church and immediately check my phone to see if Hank tried to reach out to me. Nothing at all. I guess I was just looking for an excuse to dip out of my obligation to my word. I walk into the sanctuary and take a sit in the back pew. Hopefully, I will go unnoticed. I do not even want Chaplain Dan to see me.
The service begins with someone standing in the front giving some announcements about different church activities going on this month and I am already bored. Then, he asks us to stand up so we can sing. I grab a hymnal, but I do not know any of the songs. I feel lost and confused. So, I just stand there and listen. Everyone here sings so beautifully. If I knew the songs, I would be singing too because I love to sing. After a few moments, the man in the front announces that it is time for something called the Corporate Confession of Sin. I do not know what that means but he tells us to bow our heads in silence to confess any sins we have committed this week. As I am bowing my head, I am trying to think of some sins I committed, but I cannot think of any. Maybe I'll just ask God to forgive me for not talking to Him. He is probably displeased by the fact that I've been refusing to talk to Him. Maybe if I ask for forgiveness, He will bring Hank back to me as a reward. I can only hope. The man announces that it is time for us to repeat something together and then he gives the absolution. I have no idea what is going on anymore. Then, they sing a couple more songs. I really like hearing the music. It is soothing to my soul. Then, another man, who I assume is the pastor, comes up to the podium. He greets everyone in the congregation and asks us to please turn to Hebrews 13:5. No way, that is the exact verse I read the other day! What are the odds that he would have us go to that verse? He begins preaching on how the Lord will never leave us because He is always faithful even when we are faithless. He cites another passage in 2 Timothy 2:13, which says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful---for he cannot deny himself"
Man, I feel like this sermon was written specifically for me. The pastor is talking about how even when we feel like the Lord has forsaken us, we must believe that He is still on our side. It seems nice, but I just do not see it because the Lord seems so distant. Why are you so distant, Lord? What did I do to deserve this treatment? The pastor cites another passage in Romans 5:3-5, which says,
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us"
I am not sure if I can rejoice in my suffering. It hurts too much to rejoice, but it does seem interesting that this passage is pretty much saying that there is a purpose to my suffering. What could be the purpose behind this, Lord? I feel so lost and confused right now. The pastor is preaching on how suffering produces character and hope in us, but I start to zone out. I checked my phone to see if Hank bothered to reach out to me. What if he lost my number and is at my place right now looking for me? He probably thinks I checked into Cedar Springs again. That would affirm in his mind that I am crazy and he might go back to Catie. I get tempted to leave the church to go back home, but then the pastor cites one more passage before closing. It is Romans 8:37-39, which says,
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord"
That passage really resonates with me. Does God really love me that much? Is His love so deep that nothing can separate me from Him? It seems too good to be true, but I want to believe it. This passage touches me so deeply that I actually begin to cry. I am not sad, though. I am just overwhelmed with emotions that I am not familiar with. I had no idea that anyone could possibly love me this much. How could the Creator of the universe possibly love me with such an undying love? It is truly remarkable. I realize now that since I have a God who loves me so much, I do not need Hank in my life. Hank never loved me like God does. Hank only loved what I could do for him. God loves me with true sacrificial love. He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. I now understand what the Gospel message is all about.
After the service ended, I decided to stick around and talk to some people. I actually want to see Chaplain Dan. When I do find him, I approach him and he greets me with a warm smile and a hug. It feels good to be hugged. He introduced me to his family. He has a beautiful wife and a nice-looking son and daughter.
"How did you like the sermon?" He asks me and I honestly tell him that at first I did not want to come, but I felt like the sermon was written specifically for me. He praises God when I say that. For some reason, I feel the need to tell him what happened with Hank and he expresses sympathy.
"Thanks," I begin "But, this sermon helped me to realize that Hank never loved anyway. At least, not in the way God does". Chaplain Dan seems to agree and he invites me over to his family's house for lunch and I readily agree. However, I do tell him that I have a pork allergy and he says that is fine because they are just having burgers and fries anyway. That sounds delicious.
*** TO FIND OUT HOW AMY'S STORY CONCLUDES, PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE ***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
As I am driving to the church, I see a squirrel chasing another squirrel. It must be mating season. I began missing Hank because I remember one of our favorite things to do was squirrel-watching at the park. It sounds silly, but I always had fun doing that with him because we would make up different narratives for the squirrels. Anyway, that time is over now, so I wipe it from my mind. I pull up to the church parking lot and it is packed full of cars. I do not like large crowds so this is going to be scary. I hope I do not panic once I am inside because that would be embarrassing. I step inside the church and immediately check my phone to see if Hank tried to reach out to me. Nothing at all. I guess I was just looking for an excuse to dip out of my obligation to my word. I walk into the sanctuary and take a sit in the back pew. Hopefully, I will go unnoticed. I do not even want Chaplain Dan to see me.
The service begins with someone standing in the front giving some announcements about different church activities going on this month and I am already bored. Then, he asks us to stand up so we can sing. I grab a hymnal, but I do not know any of the songs. I feel lost and confused. So, I just stand there and listen. Everyone here sings so beautifully. If I knew the songs, I would be singing too because I love to sing. After a few moments, the man in the front announces that it is time for something called the Corporate Confession of Sin. I do not know what that means but he tells us to bow our heads in silence to confess any sins we have committed this week. As I am bowing my head, I am trying to think of some sins I committed, but I cannot think of any. Maybe I'll just ask God to forgive me for not talking to Him. He is probably displeased by the fact that I've been refusing to talk to Him. Maybe if I ask for forgiveness, He will bring Hank back to me as a reward. I can only hope. The man announces that it is time for us to repeat something together and then he gives the absolution. I have no idea what is going on anymore. Then, they sing a couple more songs. I really like hearing the music. It is soothing to my soul. Then, another man, who I assume is the pastor, comes up to the podium. He greets everyone in the congregation and asks us to please turn to Hebrews 13:5. No way, that is the exact verse I read the other day! What are the odds that he would have us go to that verse? He begins preaching on how the Lord will never leave us because He is always faithful even when we are faithless. He cites another passage in 2 Timothy 2:13, which says,
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful---for he cannot deny himself"
Man, I feel like this sermon was written specifically for me. The pastor is talking about how even when we feel like the Lord has forsaken us, we must believe that He is still on our side. It seems nice, but I just do not see it because the Lord seems so distant. Why are you so distant, Lord? What did I do to deserve this treatment? The pastor cites another passage in Romans 5:3-5, which says,
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us"
I am not sure if I can rejoice in my suffering. It hurts too much to rejoice, but it does seem interesting that this passage is pretty much saying that there is a purpose to my suffering. What could be the purpose behind this, Lord? I feel so lost and confused right now. The pastor is preaching on how suffering produces character and hope in us, but I start to zone out. I checked my phone to see if Hank bothered to reach out to me. What if he lost my number and is at my place right now looking for me? He probably thinks I checked into Cedar Springs again. That would affirm in his mind that I am crazy and he might go back to Catie. I get tempted to leave the church to go back home, but then the pastor cites one more passage before closing. It is Romans 8:37-39, which says,
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord"
That passage really resonates with me. Does God really love me that much? Is His love so deep that nothing can separate me from Him? It seems too good to be true, but I want to believe it. This passage touches me so deeply that I actually begin to cry. I am not sad, though. I am just overwhelmed with emotions that I am not familiar with. I had no idea that anyone could possibly love me this much. How could the Creator of the universe possibly love me with such an undying love? It is truly remarkable. I realize now that since I have a God who loves me so much, I do not need Hank in my life. Hank never loved me like God does. Hank only loved what I could do for him. God loves me with true sacrificial love. He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. I now understand what the Gospel message is all about.
After the service ended, I decided to stick around and talk to some people. I actually want to see Chaplain Dan. When I do find him, I approach him and he greets me with a warm smile and a hug. It feels good to be hugged. He introduced me to his family. He has a beautiful wife and a nice-looking son and daughter.
"How did you like the sermon?" He asks me and I honestly tell him that at first I did not want to come, but I felt like the sermon was written specifically for me. He praises God when I say that. For some reason, I feel the need to tell him what happened with Hank and he expresses sympathy.
"Thanks," I begin "But, this sermon helped me to realize that Hank never loved anyway. At least, not in the way God does". Chaplain Dan seems to agree and he invites me over to his family's house for lunch and I readily agree. However, I do tell him that I have a pork allergy and he says that is fine because they are just having burgers and fries anyway. That sounds delicious.
*** TO FIND OUT HOW AMY'S STORY CONCLUDES, PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE ***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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