***The following is a fictitious account of a woman named Amy Jamison who struggles with Separation Anxiety Disorder. Some content may be triggering. If you are easily triggered, do not keep reading. If you are not easily triggered, then hopefully you find this story to be a tremendous blessing***
"My name is Amy Jamison," I tell the woman sitting across from me who tells me her name is Adrian Thompson. She is a fair-skinned woman with brown hair and black eyes. She seems friendly enough, but all I can do is think about my boyfriend, Hank Jackson. We have only been dating for a few weeks but I cannot stop thinking about him. The way he makes me smile or the way he can so easily make me laugh, it is just exciting. I honestly feel like he could be The One. My girlfriends tell me that it is much too soon to say that, but all the signs are pointing in that direction. He is sort of rough around the edges, but he treats me oh so well. The more I think about him, the more I can already hear the wedding bells. Adrian looks at me with a blank stare. What is her problem? Did I accidentally say something wrong? I do not think I said anything at all. So, why is she staring at me like this?
"Amy, did you hear me?" She interrupts my thoughts and I realize that I need to come back to reality. I quickly apologized and asked her to repeat herself. She does not look fazed by this at all. She merely takes a deep breath before asking me, "How often do you worry about Hank leaving or cheating on you?" I am taken aback by this because I do not remember telling her about that but to be honest I have worried about that a lot.
"Multiple times a day," I tell her straight away. She then proceeds to write something down as she asks me if this causes me any anxiety. Well, of course, this causes me a lot of anxiety! Who wants to always be worrying about their significant other cheating on them? I asked her if she ever worries about her husband leaving or cheating on her.
"Actually, no I do not," Adrian calmly tells me, "When your relationship is built on trust, you do not need to worry about that". Trust? Is that why I worry so much? I never thought about whether or not I trusted Hank. I mean, I think I do. He has never given me any reason not to trust him. But, then again, I've only known him for a few weeks. Is it insane that I know so little about this man, yet I am already planning our wedding in my head? My girlfriends say that I am doing too much, but I just am tired of being alone. I do not like the single life whatsoever and if I have a chance to marry a good man, I will take that chance. Adrian stares at me again because I must have not heard her question again. I ask her to repeat herself.
"When you worry about Hank abandoning or cheating on you, how does this make you feel?" She quietly asks me. I look at her in utter disbelief. How does she think it makes me feel? It makes me feel horrible. I know I should trust him and not worry. I straighten up in my chair a little before answering her.
"It makes me feel scared like I am a little girl again" I honestly reply. Adrian smiles and assures that is a normal emotion. She then asks me how I manage my emotion of fear when it comes up. This is the question I feared most because I already know that my method of handling negative emotions is not the greatest. However, it is the best method that I can think of that gets me immediate results. I know my therapist would not approve though.
"I cut my arms..." I weakly answer her and she seems to be moved with compassion. She must think I am some kind of pathetic soul. I begin to tear up as I start rambling on about how I cannot help myself because when I feel these intense emotions, it seems like the only way I can cope is by cutting. I do not want to die, but cutting makes me feel so much in control. After all, I cannot control whether or not Hank cheats or abandons me, but I can control how much physical pain I subject myself to. I know this is not normal, but it feels so right in my circumstances. She asks me if Hank knows about my cutting and I tell her that he does.
"How does he feel about it?" She asks me and I tell her that he gets very angry when he finds out. As a matter of fact, he gets so angry that he begins yelling at me and that makes me even more scared. Then, it makes me want to cut even more. It is pretty much a vicious cycle. Adrian nods her head as if she understands. How could she possibly understand though? She lives the picture-perfect life: a good career, good kids, good husband, and she lives in the suburbs. She could not possibly understand my life.
"Amy, I think you may have something called Separation Anxiety Disorder," She calmly says, "It is characterized by an intense fear of losing a loved one or significant one. I would like to spend the next few counseling sessions to help you learn to cope with this anxiety with more positive coping skills. Are you willing to agree with this?" I look at her dumbfounded because I am not sure what she means by Separation Anxiety Disorder. This all seems like "psycho" mumbo jumbo to me. However, if she thinks she can help me out, then I will be willing to work with her. I tell her that I agree, but I ask her what she thinks this will entail. She seems pleased to hear me ask this because she smiles.
"Well, we are going to do a deep dive into your childhood to see what your family life was like. Separation Anxiety Disorder is usually common among children, but when it affects adults, it is usually because of some latent trauma." She says and this really scares me because there are things in my childhood that I much rather not think about. I mean, I do not think I lived a horrible life, but it was not the greatest either. I tell her that doing this scares me and she assures me that she understands and that we will only talk about whatever I feel comfortable talking about. She even says that if we come across a topic that I am not comfortable with we can change topics, but that she feels like this is the best avenue to take. I reluctantly agree. She begins typing up a treatment plan for me and I immediately pull out my phone to see if Hank texted me back yet. He did not. So I text him for the billionth time and ask him what he is doing. I do not understand why he would ignore me for so long. Is he talking to another woman? I shudder to think about that.
After Adrian finishes typing up my treatment plan, she prints it off and hands me a copy. Then, she says she wants to see me back next week. I told her that I was available on Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. She looks at her schedule and says that is fine and puts me on her calendar. We shake hands and I begin walking out to my car, but before I get in my car, I check my phone again. No text message. I text Hank once more and ask him what he is doing. I begin imagining him taking some other woman on a date and I get infuriated and fearful. How dare he cheat on me! I've been nothing but a good girlfriend to him. I see my razor blade in the cupholder and I decide that I need to let go of some of this anger. So, I grab the razor blade and make a small slice on my arm. The feeling of euphoria that I feel from that one slice is very much like Heaven. However, I still needed to get home, so I put the razor blade back in its place. I wipe the blood from my arm and start my car. I will continue cutting once I get home. I feel like a fiend right now because the craving to cut is so very strong.
***Stay Tuned For Part 2 Of This Series***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"Amy, did you hear me?" She interrupts my thoughts and I realize that I need to come back to reality. I quickly apologized and asked her to repeat herself. She does not look fazed by this at all. She merely takes a deep breath before asking me, "How often do you worry about Hank leaving or cheating on you?" I am taken aback by this because I do not remember telling her about that but to be honest I have worried about that a lot.
"Multiple times a day," I tell her straight away. She then proceeds to write something down as she asks me if this causes me any anxiety. Well, of course, this causes me a lot of anxiety! Who wants to always be worrying about their significant other cheating on them? I asked her if she ever worries about her husband leaving or cheating on her.
"Actually, no I do not," Adrian calmly tells me, "When your relationship is built on trust, you do not need to worry about that". Trust? Is that why I worry so much? I never thought about whether or not I trusted Hank. I mean, I think I do. He has never given me any reason not to trust him. But, then again, I've only known him for a few weeks. Is it insane that I know so little about this man, yet I am already planning our wedding in my head? My girlfriends say that I am doing too much, but I just am tired of being alone. I do not like the single life whatsoever and if I have a chance to marry a good man, I will take that chance. Adrian stares at me again because I must have not heard her question again. I ask her to repeat herself.
"When you worry about Hank abandoning or cheating on you, how does this make you feel?" She quietly asks me. I look at her in utter disbelief. How does she think it makes me feel? It makes me feel horrible. I know I should trust him and not worry. I straighten up in my chair a little before answering her.
"It makes me feel scared like I am a little girl again" I honestly reply. Adrian smiles and assures that is a normal emotion. She then asks me how I manage my emotion of fear when it comes up. This is the question I feared most because I already know that my method of handling negative emotions is not the greatest. However, it is the best method that I can think of that gets me immediate results. I know my therapist would not approve though.
"I cut my arms..." I weakly answer her and she seems to be moved with compassion. She must think I am some kind of pathetic soul. I begin to tear up as I start rambling on about how I cannot help myself because when I feel these intense emotions, it seems like the only way I can cope is by cutting. I do not want to die, but cutting makes me feel so much in control. After all, I cannot control whether or not Hank cheats or abandons me, but I can control how much physical pain I subject myself to. I know this is not normal, but it feels so right in my circumstances. She asks me if Hank knows about my cutting and I tell her that he does.
"How does he feel about it?" She asks me and I tell her that he gets very angry when he finds out. As a matter of fact, he gets so angry that he begins yelling at me and that makes me even more scared. Then, it makes me want to cut even more. It is pretty much a vicious cycle. Adrian nods her head as if she understands. How could she possibly understand though? She lives the picture-perfect life: a good career, good kids, good husband, and she lives in the suburbs. She could not possibly understand my life.
"Amy, I think you may have something called Separation Anxiety Disorder," She calmly says, "It is characterized by an intense fear of losing a loved one or significant one. I would like to spend the next few counseling sessions to help you learn to cope with this anxiety with more positive coping skills. Are you willing to agree with this?" I look at her dumbfounded because I am not sure what she means by Separation Anxiety Disorder. This all seems like "psycho" mumbo jumbo to me. However, if she thinks she can help me out, then I will be willing to work with her. I tell her that I agree, but I ask her what she thinks this will entail. She seems pleased to hear me ask this because she smiles.
"Well, we are going to do a deep dive into your childhood to see what your family life was like. Separation Anxiety Disorder is usually common among children, but when it affects adults, it is usually because of some latent trauma." She says and this really scares me because there are things in my childhood that I much rather not think about. I mean, I do not think I lived a horrible life, but it was not the greatest either. I tell her that doing this scares me and she assures me that she understands and that we will only talk about whatever I feel comfortable talking about. She even says that if we come across a topic that I am not comfortable with we can change topics, but that she feels like this is the best avenue to take. I reluctantly agree. She begins typing up a treatment plan for me and I immediately pull out my phone to see if Hank texted me back yet. He did not. So I text him for the billionth time and ask him what he is doing. I do not understand why he would ignore me for so long. Is he talking to another woman? I shudder to think about that.
After Adrian finishes typing up my treatment plan, she prints it off and hands me a copy. Then, she says she wants to see me back next week. I told her that I was available on Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. She looks at her schedule and says that is fine and puts me on her calendar. We shake hands and I begin walking out to my car, but before I get in my car, I check my phone again. No text message. I text Hank once more and ask him what he is doing. I begin imagining him taking some other woman on a date and I get infuriated and fearful. How dare he cheat on me! I've been nothing but a good girlfriend to him. I see my razor blade in the cupholder and I decide that I need to let go of some of this anger. So, I grab the razor blade and make a small slice on my arm. The feeling of euphoria that I feel from that one slice is very much like Heaven. However, I still needed to get home, so I put the razor blade back in its place. I wipe the blood from my arm and start my car. I will continue cutting once I get home. I feel like a fiend right now because the craving to cut is so very strong.
***Stay Tuned For Part 2 Of This Series***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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