Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a disorder that is more common in young children. The dictionary defines Separation Anxiety as,
"anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation by their mother"
While this disorder is more common with young children, it can on rare occasions affect grown adults too. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) outlines eight criteria points for someone to have this disorder. To be diagnosed with this disorder, you must exhibit at least three points. The eight points are the following,
1) Recurrent excessive distress when anticipating or experiencing separation from home or from major attachment figures
2)Persistent and excessive worry about losing major attachment figures, or about possible harm to them, such as illness, injury, disasters, or death
3) Persistent and excessive worry about experiencing an untoward event (e.g. getting lost, being kidnapped, having an accident, becoming ill) that causes separation from a major attachment figure
4)Persistent reluctance or refusal to go out, away from home, to school, to work, or elsewhere because of fear of separation
5) Persistent and excessive fear of or reluctance about being alone or without major attachment figures at home or in other settings
6) Persistent reluctance or refusal to sleep away from home, or go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure
7) Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation
8) Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (e.g. headaches, stomachaches, nausea, vomiting) when separation from the major attachment figure occurs or is anticipated
As someone who has been diagnosed with SAD, I can personally testify that this is a difficult but real disorder to deal with. Like I said earlier, this disorder is common with children, but it rarely affects adults. When it does affect adults, it is usually because of childhood trauma. In my case, I developed SAD when I was taken away from my mother at the age of thirteen. During that time, I went into a deep depression. In case you are wondering what exactly this disorder looks like in a person's life, well, please keep reading. In this blog, I shall give you an explanation of what this disorder looked like for me. However, I will warn you against taking my personal example and applying it across the board for all people with this disorder. Much like any other mental disorder, SAD affects everyone differently. I will be splitting this blog up into three categories: Beginning Development, Full Blown Dysfunction, and Healing. Afterward, I will end this blog by giving anyone who suffers from this disorder some hope that Scripture has helped me tremendously.
Beginning Development
As I already stated above, I was taken from my mother at the age of thirteen and I was placed into foster care. My mother and I have always been very close-knit and so when I was taken from her, I became very depressed. I would barely talk to anyone at this time because all I wanted was to be reunited with my mother. My foster brothers would try to converse with me, but I did not really want to talk to them. Finally, my foster mother opened me up by having evening discussions with me in the Living Room. I really enjoyed these discussions with her and I began to look forward to them. This was the first time I began to become attached to a woman who was not my mother. I finally began coming out of my shell as I was becoming more comfortable with being in a foster home. However, this attachment was short-lived because her biological son became jealous of my interactions with his mother. As a result, I stopped talking to her so much and became deeply depressed yet again. Inevitably, I began isolating again too.
Full Blown Dysfunction
When I was about sixteen years old, my SAD became even more unbearable. I have always been someone who got along a lot better with females than I did with males. As a result of this, I became attached to a few of the female staff members in the treatment facility that I was in. It was not a romantic attachment at all. It was more like I looked up to these women as mother figures in my life. I even had a female mentor who would visit me once a week to share the word of God with me. I really enjoyed these discussions with her and even began seeing her as a mother figure too. However, some staff began to see the relationship I had with her was inappropriate and so they put an end to our sessions. As a result of this, I began to get very depressed and started cutting myself. I carved my female mentor's name into the side of my right thigh. I was not suicidal, however, I just felt like I was in so much pain that I needed to inflict physical pain on myself to get rid of the emotional pain.
After I was released from the treatment center at the age of nineteen, I eventually moved out on my own. At this time, I was working at a pizza restaurant and I began talking to this girl, who would eventually become my first girlfriend. I was "head-over-heels" in love with her. I wanted to spend every waking moment with her. When we were apart, I always wanted her on the phone. Needless to say, I was very clingy toward and obsessive with her. She eventually broke things off with me because of my clinginess. I felt broken inside because of this and I became very depressed yet again. All throughout my twenties, I have had many relationships with many different women and even stalked one woman, but they all broke up with me due to clinginess and obsessiveness too. The reason I was like this was because I felt empty when I was not attached to some woman. I was looking to women for my validation.
Healing
As I approached my thirties, I became more involved with my faith and started to take it more seriously. I learned from my studies of Scripture that God is forever faithful toward me and His love for me is never-ending. This was good news to me because I now realize that I can find my validation in the Lord instead of in some woman. Another thing that has really helped me is finding my wife, who loves and accepts me for who I am. The other women I dated always made me feel like I had to be someone else to be accepted by them, but this woman (who would later become my wife) always made me feel like I could be myself around her. This was very important to me because for once I felt like I was not being judged for being me. Do I still struggle with Separation Anxiety Disorder? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes I have nightmares that my wife will leave me or betray me. However, the thing that keeps going is the unconditional love of the Lord. I know that no matter what happens, the Lord is my rock. Also, my wife is good at helping me to feel secure in her love too.
Biblical Hope
I know that you are probably thinking, "That is nice of you to have overcome your separation anxiety, but what about me? How can I overcome mine?" I am glad that you asked that because I have the answer from Scripture. Hebrews 13:5 tells us,
"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'"
As you can see from this text, the Almighty God promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us! This is an amazing promise to those of us who struggle with attachment issues because we can rest in the fact that our God will never abandon us. People may abandon us or we may lose loved ones, but our God will never leave us or abandon us and we can never lose Him. This is why Jesus can tell us in John 14:18,
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you"
As a former foster kid, this promise has special significance for me. Jesus is telling us that He will not abandon us and as the God of truth, He cannot lie. This means that Jesus Christ will always be there for us no matter what happens in this life and the next. It is for this very reason that Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:6-7,
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you"
As you can see, we are to cast all our cares upon Him. Why? Because He cares for us. Some translations translate "care" into "anxieties" and I like that translation better because of my personal experience. This verse is basically saying that any of our anxieties should be expressed to God. This also means that anxiety is not sinful, as some Christians seem to believe. We are allowed to feel anxious, but our anxiety should be taken to the Lord. And when we take all of our anxieties to Him, He will give us perfect peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that this gives you a better picture of what Separation Anxiety Disorder looks like. This is a serious mental illness that should never be trivialized because people who suffer from it are dealing with a lot of inner turmoil. I hope that if you are someone who deals with this disorder you are greatly edified in your faith. Always remember to keep your eyes on Jesus Christ as the anchor of your faith and He will give you perfect peace. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Simply Amy: Life of a Woman With Separation Anxiety Disorder-This is a fictional book about a woman who suffers from SAD. Some content in the book may be triggering because it is a first-person account of what it looks like for someone dealing with this disorder. If you are not easily triggered, I highly recommend that you read this because you will be greatly edified in your faith.
"anxiety provoked in a young child by separation or the threat of separation by their mother"
While this disorder is more common with young children, it can on rare occasions affect grown adults too. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) outlines eight criteria points for someone to have this disorder. To be diagnosed with this disorder, you must exhibit at least three points. The eight points are the following,
1) Recurrent excessive distress when anticipating or experiencing separation from home or from major attachment figures
2)Persistent and excessive worry about losing major attachment figures, or about possible harm to them, such as illness, injury, disasters, or death
3) Persistent and excessive worry about experiencing an untoward event (e.g. getting lost, being kidnapped, having an accident, becoming ill) that causes separation from a major attachment figure
4)Persistent reluctance or refusal to go out, away from home, to school, to work, or elsewhere because of fear of separation
5) Persistent and excessive fear of or reluctance about being alone or without major attachment figures at home or in other settings
6) Persistent reluctance or refusal to sleep away from home, or go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure
7) Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation
8) Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (e.g. headaches, stomachaches, nausea, vomiting) when separation from the major attachment figure occurs or is anticipated
As someone who has been diagnosed with SAD, I can personally testify that this is a difficult but real disorder to deal with. Like I said earlier, this disorder is common with children, but it rarely affects adults. When it does affect adults, it is usually because of childhood trauma. In my case, I developed SAD when I was taken away from my mother at the age of thirteen. During that time, I went into a deep depression. In case you are wondering what exactly this disorder looks like in a person's life, well, please keep reading. In this blog, I shall give you an explanation of what this disorder looked like for me. However, I will warn you against taking my personal example and applying it across the board for all people with this disorder. Much like any other mental disorder, SAD affects everyone differently. I will be splitting this blog up into three categories: Beginning Development, Full Blown Dysfunction, and Healing. Afterward, I will end this blog by giving anyone who suffers from this disorder some hope that Scripture has helped me tremendously.
Beginning Development
As I already stated above, I was taken from my mother at the age of thirteen and I was placed into foster care. My mother and I have always been very close-knit and so when I was taken from her, I became very depressed. I would barely talk to anyone at this time because all I wanted was to be reunited with my mother. My foster brothers would try to converse with me, but I did not really want to talk to them. Finally, my foster mother opened me up by having evening discussions with me in the Living Room. I really enjoyed these discussions with her and I began to look forward to them. This was the first time I began to become attached to a woman who was not my mother. I finally began coming out of my shell as I was becoming more comfortable with being in a foster home. However, this attachment was short-lived because her biological son became jealous of my interactions with his mother. As a result, I stopped talking to her so much and became deeply depressed yet again. Inevitably, I began isolating again too.
Full Blown Dysfunction
When I was about sixteen years old, my SAD became even more unbearable. I have always been someone who got along a lot better with females than I did with males. As a result of this, I became attached to a few of the female staff members in the treatment facility that I was in. It was not a romantic attachment at all. It was more like I looked up to these women as mother figures in my life. I even had a female mentor who would visit me once a week to share the word of God with me. I really enjoyed these discussions with her and even began seeing her as a mother figure too. However, some staff began to see the relationship I had with her was inappropriate and so they put an end to our sessions. As a result of this, I began to get very depressed and started cutting myself. I carved my female mentor's name into the side of my right thigh. I was not suicidal, however, I just felt like I was in so much pain that I needed to inflict physical pain on myself to get rid of the emotional pain.
After I was released from the treatment center at the age of nineteen, I eventually moved out on my own. At this time, I was working at a pizza restaurant and I began talking to this girl, who would eventually become my first girlfriend. I was "head-over-heels" in love with her. I wanted to spend every waking moment with her. When we were apart, I always wanted her on the phone. Needless to say, I was very clingy toward and obsessive with her. She eventually broke things off with me because of my clinginess. I felt broken inside because of this and I became very depressed yet again. All throughout my twenties, I have had many relationships with many different women and even stalked one woman, but they all broke up with me due to clinginess and obsessiveness too. The reason I was like this was because I felt empty when I was not attached to some woman. I was looking to women for my validation.
Healing
As I approached my thirties, I became more involved with my faith and started to take it more seriously. I learned from my studies of Scripture that God is forever faithful toward me and His love for me is never-ending. This was good news to me because I now realize that I can find my validation in the Lord instead of in some woman. Another thing that has really helped me is finding my wife, who loves and accepts me for who I am. The other women I dated always made me feel like I had to be someone else to be accepted by them, but this woman (who would later become my wife) always made me feel like I could be myself around her. This was very important to me because for once I felt like I was not being judged for being me. Do I still struggle with Separation Anxiety Disorder? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes I have nightmares that my wife will leave me or betray me. However, the thing that keeps going is the unconditional love of the Lord. I know that no matter what happens, the Lord is my rock. Also, my wife is good at helping me to feel secure in her love too.
Biblical Hope
I know that you are probably thinking, "That is nice of you to have overcome your separation anxiety, but what about me? How can I overcome mine?" I am glad that you asked that because I have the answer from Scripture. Hebrews 13:5 tells us,
"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'"
As you can see from this text, the Almighty God promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us! This is an amazing promise to those of us who struggle with attachment issues because we can rest in the fact that our God will never abandon us. People may abandon us or we may lose loved ones, but our God will never leave us or abandon us and we can never lose Him. This is why Jesus can tell us in John 14:18,
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you"
As a former foster kid, this promise has special significance for me. Jesus is telling us that He will not abandon us and as the God of truth, He cannot lie. This means that Jesus Christ will always be there for us no matter what happens in this life and the next. It is for this very reason that Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:6-7,
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you"
As you can see, we are to cast all our cares upon Him. Why? Because He cares for us. Some translations translate "care" into "anxieties" and I like that translation better because of my personal experience. This verse is basically saying that any of our anxieties should be expressed to God. This also means that anxiety is not sinful, as some Christians seem to believe. We are allowed to feel anxious, but our anxiety should be taken to the Lord. And when we take all of our anxieties to Him, He will give us perfect peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that this gives you a better picture of what Separation Anxiety Disorder looks like. This is a serious mental illness that should never be trivialized because people who suffer from it are dealing with a lot of inner turmoil. I hope that if you are someone who deals with this disorder you are greatly edified in your faith. Always remember to keep your eyes on Jesus Christ as the anchor of your faith and He will give you perfect peace. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Simply Amy: Life of a Woman With Separation Anxiety Disorder-This is a fictional book about a woman who suffers from SAD. Some content in the book may be triggering because it is a first-person account of what it looks like for someone dealing with this disorder. If you are not easily triggered, I highly recommend that you read this because you will be greatly edified in your faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment