***The following is a fictional account of a teenager who has Bipolar Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Some content may be triggering. Reader discretion advised***
I awakened right exactly at 7:00 in the morning by some nurse who wanted to draw my blood. It did not hurt and afterward, she told me that breakfast was being served in the cafeteria. I slowly got up from my bed and headed downstairs. There was a line of other teenagers standing by the staff desk in a straight line. I figured that was where I needed to be too. As I got in line, the girl in front of me greeted me with a gentle and quiet "hello". She seems nice enough, but I notice the wraps around her arms. She is obviously a cutter. I recognized that right away because my mother tends to cut herself too when she is depressed. I have no interest in talking to this insane girl, but she tells me her name is Jessica anyway. I politely tell her my name.
"My boyfriend's name is Eric!" She excitedly proclaims as I roll my eyes. My name is such a common one so this does not surprise me in the slightest. A nurse walks up to us and hands us each a piece of paper. Everyone's paper is either red, white, or blue. I am not sure what the significance of each color is but I am sure that someone will explain it to me. My paper is red and it says my goal is to get acquainted with the rules and program. I guess I can do that because it does not seem too difficult. After all, if I could pass Calculus easily, then this program should be a piece of cake. I scan the paper some more and notice that there are a bunch of empty boxes next to different times. This confuses me and the male nurse notices my confusion.
"You're the new guy, right?" He asks me and I think it is rhetorical so I do not answer. He looks at his chart and says my name. I respond with a grunt. He politely explained to me that every hour I need to have a staff member write points down on my paper because the points determine whether or not I advance to White level. I need exactly 145 points for the next three days to be able to advance. Then, once I am on the White level, I need 150 points for four days to apply for the Blue level, which the staff will vote on in their meeting. He tells me that the White level and Blue level both have different privileges so that should give me the motivation to earn those levels. This whole program seems rather tedious to me. However, I decide to play their game if it means I can get out of this hell hole sooner. I just want to return to normal life again.
The nurse takes us down to the cafeteria where I notice four round tables with four chairs around each one. We all line up at the food line with our trays in hand. I wonder what is for breakfast because I am quite hungry now. The cafeteria ladies serve us pancakes, sausages, scrambled eggs, and Orange Juice. This is actually better than I expected. We all sit down at each of our tables and begin eating. Jessica attempts to make small talk with me. I am fine with that as long as she does not ask me anything too personal.
"Where are you from?" She asks in between bites of her pancakes. Didn't her mother ever tell her it is rude to eat with a full mouth? I tell her that I am from Colorado Springs.
"Oh! I love it there! It definitely is a lot better than crap hole Pueblo!" She exclaims, and I ask her what part of Pueblo is she from. She tells me she is from Pueblo West and I immediately wonder why she would call that area a "crap-hole". But, I decided that I did not care as I continued to eat the last bit of my scrambled eggs. After breakfast, we all line up by the door, and the nurse comes by to mark points down on our sheets of paper. I got a maximum of five points for this hour. I guess I am off to a good start. We all walk back to the Day Room, where we are told to sit down for the morning check-in group. I am not sure what this group is about, but I guess I will find out shortly. There is a total of five of us and we all sit in a circle with the male nurse, who introduces himself as Terry. Terry tells us all to go around introducing ourselves and saying what our favorite color is. Of course, Jessica offers to go first. She is quite the chatterbox.
"I am Jessica Wright and my favorite color is orange!" She says out loud and I find it odd how anyone could think orange is their favorite, but I just keep my mouth closed. I am up next so I mumble my name and Terry asks me to speak up so everyone can hear me.
"My name is Eric Thomas and my favorite color is red," I say in an irritated tone of voice. The next person to talk to is David Vasquez, whose favorite color is blue. Next is Amanda Ortiz, whose favorite color is Green. And finally, there is Jason Grey, whose favorite color is black. I feel quite humiliated by this whole exercise in futility. Terry then tells us that we all need to go around the room and say what our emotion word is and what is one goal we will work on for today. Again, Jessica offers to go first, and to my dismay, she is allowed to.
"My emotion word is chipper and my goal is to make at least one person smile today!" She proudly says. Why in the world is she so happy? It really sickens me how someone can be so happy in a place like this. Everyone is looking at me now so I guess it is my turn to speak again.
"My emotion word is frustrated and my goal for today is.... I do not know" I honestly say and Terry asks the group if they can offer any suggestions.
"How about getting familiarized with the program?" Jason offers and I quickly agree to that suggestion. David Vasquez goes next. His goal is to be ready for discharge today. He seems pretty excited about that. Lucky him. Amanda is up next and her goal is to get approved for Blue level today. Finally, it is Jason's turn and his goal is to attend all groups and school classes today. Terry says these are all good goals and we break for ten minutes of free time before we have to go to our school classes. To be honest, I am quite surprised that there is a school in this hospital, but at least I won't fall behind in my studies. I decided that while we have a break I will quickly call Kat. She is probably worried sick about me. I pick up the payphone and dial her number. She answers right after the first ring, which is surprising because I was expecting to hear her voicemail. It is during school hours after all.
"Who is this?" Kat asks and at first, I get irritated until I realize she would not have recognized this number. I calmly tell her it is me and she immediately gets excited to hear from me.
"Baby, how are you? Where are you? Are you in jail?" She bombards me with all of these questions at once. I laugh out loud as I tell her exactly where I am at. She is surprised to hear that I am inside a mental hospital and asks me why I am here.
"If I knew, I would tell you, babe!" I shoot back at her and she becomes silent for a minute before asking me if she could come see me. I gladly tell her that visiting hours are from 6pm to 7pm every day. Before I knew it, one of the nurses told me that it was time for school. This means I must get off the phone. Kat and I exchange our goodbyes and "I love yous". Then, we hang up and I get in line.
The school classrooms are inside the cafeteria. There are only two rooms. One classroom is for reading and writing and the other classroom is for Social Studies and Math. Me, Jessica, and Amanda are in the Reading and Writing classroom first while Jason and David are in the Social Studies and Math class first. I am not sure how they determined who goes to which class, but I honestly do not care. The three of us take our seats and the teacher introduces herself as Mrs. White and she immediately puts Jessica and Amanda to work on some computer program. She tells me that I need to take a test to determine which grade level I am in. I find this quite insulting because in school I have a perfect 4.0 GPA. However, I realize that getting angry at this time wouldn't do me any good. So, I decided to take her stupid test. To her surprise, not mine, I score at the college level for reading and writing. So, she tells me that the computer program will be put at the correct level for me. At least, I will hopefully be challenged mentally.
After about an hour or so of messing around with this computer program, it is time to switch classrooms. Me, Jessica and Amanda go to the Social Studies and Math room. David and Jason go to the classroom we were just in. The Social Studies and Math class room's teacher is named Scott Clark and this class is much the same as the last class. The teacher has me take a test to determine my competency level and then puts me on some computer program afterward. All of this is very tedious and frustrating. After about an hour of this nonsense, the nurse comes around to sign our papers. This time I get perfect 5 points for both hours. I am well on my way to getting on the White level! I am not sure why I am so excited but I am. Then, the nurse says that it is time for lunch. We all head over to the cafeteria line and await to be served. Today's lunch items are two cheeseburgers, a salad, French fries, chocolate milk, and a brownie. I really love the food here too, to be honest. Jessica does not seem to be too talkative right now, which is odd. Instead, it is Amanda who tries to talk my ear off. She keeps going on and on about how her dad made her so angry because he was supposed to bring her pink tank top when he visited last, but instead, he brought her yellow one. She also talks about how her boyfriend is so inconsiderate because he won't skip babysitting his little brother to come visit her. I just nod my head politely, as I am eating, but I am hoping that eventually she will shut up.
After lunch, a woman named Tracy Hendricks comes and tells us that it is time for recreational therapy. I ask what this is about and she says we can go outside and play to either play volleyball or basketball. I am excited about this because I was missing the outdoors. Once we are outside, however, I am disappointed because we are still locked inside of a fence. What did I expect though? Of course, they would keep us fenced in. This is, after all, the "Locked Adolescent Unit". I try to make the best of the opportunity, though. Jason, David, Amanda, and I head straight to the Basketball court and we all begin to play two on two. It is me and David taking on Jason and Amanda. By the time recreational therapy is up, David and I win by four points. It was a fun game, but now it is time to go back inside. I wonder what is next on the agenda. As we all pile into the Day Room, Terry tells us it is time for the Current Events group. In this group, we watch the news and talk about what we see on the news. Terry explains to us that it is important for us to know what is going on in the world. He turns on the television as we all sit around it. Amanda sits right next to me and smiles. I smile back at her and the next thing I know she puts her hand on my thigh. I do not tell her to move it away. As the television is showing today's events, Amanda and I are busy secretly feeling each other up while watching out for the staff. Every time one of the nurses came around, we would stop what we were doing and pretend as if we were paying attention to the television. This went on for about one long hour.
Afterward, it is time for the music therapy group. I am actually very interested in this group because I love music. As we all pile into the music therapy room, the group leader introduces herself as Amy Thompson. She then asks us all to express what is it about music that we love so much.
"I love it when the music is relatable," Jessica says. David tells us that he loves music and that he can workout too and I express agreement with that. Amy then asks us to pick a song that has meaning for us and she will play it on YouTube. For once, I actually volunteer to go first.
"Beast Mode by Aklo," I proudly say and everyone looks surprised at my pick. After the song plays, Amy asks me what significance this song has for me, and tell her that it is my favorite song to play while I am working out because it pumps me up. Amanda smiles flirtatiously at me when I say that. I return the smile back at her. After everyone shares their music and we all discuss what each song means to us, the group ends because it is time for the DBT group. I ask Amanda what "DBT" is and she tells me Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, whatever that means. As we sit down around the long table in the DBT group room, we are greeted by an older man who looks like Dr. Phil. He tells us that his name is Dr. Pike. For the next hour or so, he talked to us about something called "Mindfulness", which is basically an exercise where you close your eyes and imagine yourself in someplace you feel safe and comfortable being. He says for some people the safe place is their bedroom and for others, it is at a park. I imagine myself on the football field. That is where I feel in my most comfortable position. We practice Mindfulness for about ten minutes and I do feel a lot more relaxed, but I am not sure if I will remember this next time I am pissed off. Or if this exercise will even help me.
After the group is over, we end up getting in line for dinner time. I am feeling very hungry around this time actually. When we enter the cafeteria, I see that we have Sloppy Joes, green beans, mashed potatoes, apple juice, and chocolate pudding. The food here is amazingly delicious. As we are eating, Amanda and I are rubbing our feet together under the table. The nurses never notice what exactly we are doing. After dinner, it is time for visitations. When I walk into the Day Room, I see Kat sitting down at one of the tables. She lights up when she sees me and runs to give me a huge hug. We express how much we miss each other and then we both sit down. We are holding hands and Amanda keeps looking in my direction even while her boyfriend is talking to her. I try to not look at her because I do not want to worry Kat. After all, Amanda is just someone to have fun with while I am cooped up in here, but Kat is my everything.
"How are they treating you in here, baby?" Kat asks me and I tell exactly how the days has gone so far. She says the day sounds boring as hell and I agree with her assessment.
"Did they say how long you have to be in here for?" She asks me and I tell her it is up to the doctor, but it is going to be at least 72 hours. I hope it is not any more than that because I cannot stand more than three days in this place. We exchange small talk for about an hour before the nurses announce that visiting hours are over. Kat tells me that she will come back tomorrow and I tell her I love her.
The next thing we do is another check-in group, but this time we discuss how we met our goals for today. David is gone so he obviously met his goal. I am pretty familiar with the program now, so I guess I met my goal. The rest of the group time is fuzzy because I stopped paying attention. Amanda keeps smiling at me and now I am imagining dirty things concerning her. After the group is over, the nurse says it is free time, which means that we can do what want from watching TV or just hanging out. If I was a White or Blue level, I'd be able to play video games. Amanda and I decided we would pretend to watch TV, but instead, we would be feeling each other up again.
Terry has all of our papers and he calls us up one at a time so we can pick what we want from "Point Store". Point Store is various items from shampoo to different candies that we can purchase with the points we earned for the day. When he calls my name, I come up to him and he congratulates me for earning 150 points today. I thank him and pick out some Axe Body Wash. Then, I head back to where Amanda is sitting so we can resume what we were doing.
Once it turned 9pm, the nurses announced it was time for Light's Out, which meant we all needed to be in our rooms. Amanda and I hug one another and I head to my room. While I lay in my bed, I imagined what it would look like to date two different girls at the same time. Then, I slowly drift off to sleep.
***Stay Tuned For Part 3***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"My boyfriend's name is Eric!" She excitedly proclaims as I roll my eyes. My name is such a common one so this does not surprise me in the slightest. A nurse walks up to us and hands us each a piece of paper. Everyone's paper is either red, white, or blue. I am not sure what the significance of each color is but I am sure that someone will explain it to me. My paper is red and it says my goal is to get acquainted with the rules and program. I guess I can do that because it does not seem too difficult. After all, if I could pass Calculus easily, then this program should be a piece of cake. I scan the paper some more and notice that there are a bunch of empty boxes next to different times. This confuses me and the male nurse notices my confusion.
"You're the new guy, right?" He asks me and I think it is rhetorical so I do not answer. He looks at his chart and says my name. I respond with a grunt. He politely explained to me that every hour I need to have a staff member write points down on my paper because the points determine whether or not I advance to White level. I need exactly 145 points for the next three days to be able to advance. Then, once I am on the White level, I need 150 points for four days to apply for the Blue level, which the staff will vote on in their meeting. He tells me that the White level and Blue level both have different privileges so that should give me the motivation to earn those levels. This whole program seems rather tedious to me. However, I decide to play their game if it means I can get out of this hell hole sooner. I just want to return to normal life again.
The nurse takes us down to the cafeteria where I notice four round tables with four chairs around each one. We all line up at the food line with our trays in hand. I wonder what is for breakfast because I am quite hungry now. The cafeteria ladies serve us pancakes, sausages, scrambled eggs, and Orange Juice. This is actually better than I expected. We all sit down at each of our tables and begin eating. Jessica attempts to make small talk with me. I am fine with that as long as she does not ask me anything too personal.
"Where are you from?" She asks in between bites of her pancakes. Didn't her mother ever tell her it is rude to eat with a full mouth? I tell her that I am from Colorado Springs.
"Oh! I love it there! It definitely is a lot better than crap hole Pueblo!" She exclaims, and I ask her what part of Pueblo is she from. She tells me she is from Pueblo West and I immediately wonder why she would call that area a "crap-hole". But, I decided that I did not care as I continued to eat the last bit of my scrambled eggs. After breakfast, we all line up by the door, and the nurse comes by to mark points down on our sheets of paper. I got a maximum of five points for this hour. I guess I am off to a good start. We all walk back to the Day Room, where we are told to sit down for the morning check-in group. I am not sure what this group is about, but I guess I will find out shortly. There is a total of five of us and we all sit in a circle with the male nurse, who introduces himself as Terry. Terry tells us all to go around introducing ourselves and saying what our favorite color is. Of course, Jessica offers to go first. She is quite the chatterbox.
"I am Jessica Wright and my favorite color is orange!" She says out loud and I find it odd how anyone could think orange is their favorite, but I just keep my mouth closed. I am up next so I mumble my name and Terry asks me to speak up so everyone can hear me.
"My name is Eric Thomas and my favorite color is red," I say in an irritated tone of voice. The next person to talk to is David Vasquez, whose favorite color is blue. Next is Amanda Ortiz, whose favorite color is Green. And finally, there is Jason Grey, whose favorite color is black. I feel quite humiliated by this whole exercise in futility. Terry then tells us that we all need to go around the room and say what our emotion word is and what is one goal we will work on for today. Again, Jessica offers to go first, and to my dismay, she is allowed to.
"My emotion word is chipper and my goal is to make at least one person smile today!" She proudly says. Why in the world is she so happy? It really sickens me how someone can be so happy in a place like this. Everyone is looking at me now so I guess it is my turn to speak again.
"My emotion word is frustrated and my goal for today is.... I do not know" I honestly say and Terry asks the group if they can offer any suggestions.
"How about getting familiarized with the program?" Jason offers and I quickly agree to that suggestion. David Vasquez goes next. His goal is to be ready for discharge today. He seems pretty excited about that. Lucky him. Amanda is up next and her goal is to get approved for Blue level today. Finally, it is Jason's turn and his goal is to attend all groups and school classes today. Terry says these are all good goals and we break for ten minutes of free time before we have to go to our school classes. To be honest, I am quite surprised that there is a school in this hospital, but at least I won't fall behind in my studies. I decided that while we have a break I will quickly call Kat. She is probably worried sick about me. I pick up the payphone and dial her number. She answers right after the first ring, which is surprising because I was expecting to hear her voicemail. It is during school hours after all.
"Who is this?" Kat asks and at first, I get irritated until I realize she would not have recognized this number. I calmly tell her it is me and she immediately gets excited to hear from me.
"Baby, how are you? Where are you? Are you in jail?" She bombards me with all of these questions at once. I laugh out loud as I tell her exactly where I am at. She is surprised to hear that I am inside a mental hospital and asks me why I am here.
"If I knew, I would tell you, babe!" I shoot back at her and she becomes silent for a minute before asking me if she could come see me. I gladly tell her that visiting hours are from 6pm to 7pm every day. Before I knew it, one of the nurses told me that it was time for school. This means I must get off the phone. Kat and I exchange our goodbyes and "I love yous". Then, we hang up and I get in line.
The school classrooms are inside the cafeteria. There are only two rooms. One classroom is for reading and writing and the other classroom is for Social Studies and Math. Me, Jessica, and Amanda are in the Reading and Writing classroom first while Jason and David are in the Social Studies and Math class first. I am not sure how they determined who goes to which class, but I honestly do not care. The three of us take our seats and the teacher introduces herself as Mrs. White and she immediately puts Jessica and Amanda to work on some computer program. She tells me that I need to take a test to determine which grade level I am in. I find this quite insulting because in school I have a perfect 4.0 GPA. However, I realize that getting angry at this time wouldn't do me any good. So, I decided to take her stupid test. To her surprise, not mine, I score at the college level for reading and writing. So, she tells me that the computer program will be put at the correct level for me. At least, I will hopefully be challenged mentally.
After about an hour or so of messing around with this computer program, it is time to switch classrooms. Me, Jessica and Amanda go to the Social Studies and Math room. David and Jason go to the classroom we were just in. The Social Studies and Math class room's teacher is named Scott Clark and this class is much the same as the last class. The teacher has me take a test to determine my competency level and then puts me on some computer program afterward. All of this is very tedious and frustrating. After about an hour of this nonsense, the nurse comes around to sign our papers. This time I get perfect 5 points for both hours. I am well on my way to getting on the White level! I am not sure why I am so excited but I am. Then, the nurse says that it is time for lunch. We all head over to the cafeteria line and await to be served. Today's lunch items are two cheeseburgers, a salad, French fries, chocolate milk, and a brownie. I really love the food here too, to be honest. Jessica does not seem to be too talkative right now, which is odd. Instead, it is Amanda who tries to talk my ear off. She keeps going on and on about how her dad made her so angry because he was supposed to bring her pink tank top when he visited last, but instead, he brought her yellow one. She also talks about how her boyfriend is so inconsiderate because he won't skip babysitting his little brother to come visit her. I just nod my head politely, as I am eating, but I am hoping that eventually she will shut up.
After lunch, a woman named Tracy Hendricks comes and tells us that it is time for recreational therapy. I ask what this is about and she says we can go outside and play to either play volleyball or basketball. I am excited about this because I was missing the outdoors. Once we are outside, however, I am disappointed because we are still locked inside of a fence. What did I expect though? Of course, they would keep us fenced in. This is, after all, the "Locked Adolescent Unit". I try to make the best of the opportunity, though. Jason, David, Amanda, and I head straight to the Basketball court and we all begin to play two on two. It is me and David taking on Jason and Amanda. By the time recreational therapy is up, David and I win by four points. It was a fun game, but now it is time to go back inside. I wonder what is next on the agenda. As we all pile into the Day Room, Terry tells us it is time for the Current Events group. In this group, we watch the news and talk about what we see on the news. Terry explains to us that it is important for us to know what is going on in the world. He turns on the television as we all sit around it. Amanda sits right next to me and smiles. I smile back at her and the next thing I know she puts her hand on my thigh. I do not tell her to move it away. As the television is showing today's events, Amanda and I are busy secretly feeling each other up while watching out for the staff. Every time one of the nurses came around, we would stop what we were doing and pretend as if we were paying attention to the television. This went on for about one long hour.
Afterward, it is time for the music therapy group. I am actually very interested in this group because I love music. As we all pile into the music therapy room, the group leader introduces herself as Amy Thompson. She then asks us all to express what is it about music that we love so much.
"I love it when the music is relatable," Jessica says. David tells us that he loves music and that he can workout too and I express agreement with that. Amy then asks us to pick a song that has meaning for us and she will play it on YouTube. For once, I actually volunteer to go first.
"Beast Mode by Aklo," I proudly say and everyone looks surprised at my pick. After the song plays, Amy asks me what significance this song has for me, and tell her that it is my favorite song to play while I am working out because it pumps me up. Amanda smiles flirtatiously at me when I say that. I return the smile back at her. After everyone shares their music and we all discuss what each song means to us, the group ends because it is time for the DBT group. I ask Amanda what "DBT" is and she tells me Dialectal Behavioral Therapy, whatever that means. As we sit down around the long table in the DBT group room, we are greeted by an older man who looks like Dr. Phil. He tells us that his name is Dr. Pike. For the next hour or so, he talked to us about something called "Mindfulness", which is basically an exercise where you close your eyes and imagine yourself in someplace you feel safe and comfortable being. He says for some people the safe place is their bedroom and for others, it is at a park. I imagine myself on the football field. That is where I feel in my most comfortable position. We practice Mindfulness for about ten minutes and I do feel a lot more relaxed, but I am not sure if I will remember this next time I am pissed off. Or if this exercise will even help me.
After the group is over, we end up getting in line for dinner time. I am feeling very hungry around this time actually. When we enter the cafeteria, I see that we have Sloppy Joes, green beans, mashed potatoes, apple juice, and chocolate pudding. The food here is amazingly delicious. As we are eating, Amanda and I are rubbing our feet together under the table. The nurses never notice what exactly we are doing. After dinner, it is time for visitations. When I walk into the Day Room, I see Kat sitting down at one of the tables. She lights up when she sees me and runs to give me a huge hug. We express how much we miss each other and then we both sit down. We are holding hands and Amanda keeps looking in my direction even while her boyfriend is talking to her. I try to not look at her because I do not want to worry Kat. After all, Amanda is just someone to have fun with while I am cooped up in here, but Kat is my everything.
"How are they treating you in here, baby?" Kat asks me and I tell exactly how the days has gone so far. She says the day sounds boring as hell and I agree with her assessment.
"Did they say how long you have to be in here for?" She asks me and I tell her it is up to the doctor, but it is going to be at least 72 hours. I hope it is not any more than that because I cannot stand more than three days in this place. We exchange small talk for about an hour before the nurses announce that visiting hours are over. Kat tells me that she will come back tomorrow and I tell her I love her.
The next thing we do is another check-in group, but this time we discuss how we met our goals for today. David is gone so he obviously met his goal. I am pretty familiar with the program now, so I guess I met my goal. The rest of the group time is fuzzy because I stopped paying attention. Amanda keeps smiling at me and now I am imagining dirty things concerning her. After the group is over, the nurse says it is free time, which means that we can do what want from watching TV or just hanging out. If I was a White or Blue level, I'd be able to play video games. Amanda and I decided we would pretend to watch TV, but instead, we would be feeling each other up again.
Terry has all of our papers and he calls us up one at a time so we can pick what we want from "Point Store". Point Store is various items from shampoo to different candies that we can purchase with the points we earned for the day. When he calls my name, I come up to him and he congratulates me for earning 150 points today. I thank him and pick out some Axe Body Wash. Then, I head back to where Amanda is sitting so we can resume what we were doing.
Once it turned 9pm, the nurses announced it was time for Light's Out, which meant we all needed to be in our rooms. Amanda and I hug one another and I head to my room. While I lay in my bed, I imagined what it would look like to date two different girls at the same time. Then, I slowly drift off to sleep.
***Stay Tuned For Part 3***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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