***The following is a fictional account of a teenager who has Bipolar Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Some content may be triggering. Reader discretion advised***
The first day in Spring Creek Youth Services Center was horrendous. After Mr. Logan left me alone in my cell, I was determined not to show any of these guys a sign of weakness. I came out of my cell with my head held high and I looked everyone straight in the eyes. I noticed a black guy kept mean-mugging me so I stared at him back and then he started laughing as he turned his attention to talking to another black guy sitting next to him. I sat down in one of the seats when an older staff member came in to talk to us. He introduced himself as Mr. Rex. Mr. Rex was an older black man with an afro and a sliver of grey hair in the center. He wore thick glasses and had a thick beard too. He stood directly in front of us all and told us that right now it was the Drug and Alcohol Group. I had zero interest in paying attention to this group because I've never done drugs or drank alcohol. Sure, I may have sipped a Bourbon one time but I was so revolted by the taste that I never drank again. So, this group is going to be a complete waste of my time. I decided that I should ask to be excused. I raised my hand and asked and the black guy from earlier laughed at me. This really ticked me off.
"What makes you so special, whiteboy?" The black guy asks me and I get really angry at his racist remark, but I try to remain as calm as I can be.
"I'm not special," I reply "It's just that this group doesn't apply--"
"Oh, so you think you are better than us because you are sober and clean, huh?" The black guy asks me and this time I try to explain to him how that is not the case. I am not sure why he is acting this way nor do I understand why Mr. Rex is allowing him to question me like this. But, I refuse to let him punk me in front of everyone.
"Look man, I do not want any trouble. I just do not feel like this group will benefit me in any way whatsoever" I explain to the Black Guy. I hope that the other guys can see how genuine I am even if this guy doesn't. Mr. Rex decides now is the time to chime in and he tells me that the group is mandatory for everyone even if it does not apply to everyone. I decided that I would comply with the program even though I thought their rules were stupid. As I am sitting there listening to Mr. Rex drone on and on about drugs and alcohol, I cannot help but think about Kat and Amanda. I wonder what they are doing right now. I wish that I could call them just to hear their voices one more time. I decided that I would call Kat as soon as I was able to. A whole hour goes by when finally Mr. Rex tells us that we can break for ten minutes before we need to line up to head to the gym. I am happy to hear that there actually is a gym because Pueblo State Hospital LAU did not have a gym. I decided to quickly get on the phone to call Kat. She does not answer and it goes straight to voicemail. She must be in class right now. I left her voicemail telling her where I was and left the phone number in the message. Then, I tell her I love her and hang up.
We eventually line a single file in front of the pod door and Mr. Rex has us each count off a number. When it gets to me, I do not say anything because I am not sure what is going on and Mr. Rex tells us to start over. All of the guys groan in frustration over my mistake. This time when it gets to my turn, I yell my number as loud as I can. After we count off our numbers, Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance walk us out of the pod and down the hallway. Another line of guys from another pod heads our direction and so Mr. Rex tells us to stop walking and turn to face the wall. We all do as we are told and I wonder why we have to do this, but I do not dare question anything. Once the line gets passed us, we resume our walk to the gym.
We enter the gym and Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance have us each stand in two rows about three or four feet from one another. Mr. Rex then leads us in a series of exercises such as a round of push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, and even suicide runs. I find all of this invigorating because it reminds me of football training. After the workouts, we are told to run laps around the gym until they tell us to stop. I love this part because I love to run. I end up outrunning all of these guys and I can tell they do not appreciate me showing them up. But, I do not care because I am not here for a popularity contest. After about fifteen minutes, Mr. Lance tells us to stop running. We all line up in front of the door and begin counting off our numbers. Once that is over, we start walking down the hall to the cafeteria for Lunch.
When we arrive in the cafeteria, we are told to stand around each table but we must not sit down until we are told. The staff wants us to take a moment of silence to allow anyone religious to pray. I am not religious in any way so I just stand there. It's not that I hate religion. I just do not see any use for it currently in my life. After a moment of silence, the staff told us to sit down. They then call up each table one by one to get in line so we can get our food. When my table finally gets our food, I see we have burritos, chips, a brownie, and grape juice. It's not the best lunch but I am so hungry that I am not going to complain. We all eat in silence because we only have ten minutes to eat everything before we need to get back in line to go back to the pod. When we line back up, the staff comes around to pat us down to make sure we are not bringing any contraband back to the pod. Once that has been done, they tell us to count off again, and then we begin walking back to our pod. I am already finding this place to be very tedious.
Once we are back on the pod, Mr. Rex tells us we have free time until dinner. I decided to give Kat another call. She actually answers this time on the first ring.
"Baby," She begins, "When did you get sent to Spring Creek?" I explained to her how the police came to get me earlier in the morning. She asks me when are visiting hours and I tell her I am not sure but I will find out.
"Do you know how long you will be in there for?" She asks me and I sit there in silence for a while until she calls my name.
"I do not know. I have a court hearing on Monday morning." That is all I can tell her. I am just concerned about making it through this weekend. She does not seem pleased with that answer but she tells me she is praying for me. Whatever that means. I think I need much more than prayer but I try to thank her anyway because I know she means well. But, then the black guy came around and hung up my phone before I could say anything to her.
"Conversation is over, White boy!" The Black Guy says to me. Immediately, I get full of rage and I punch him directly in his chest, which causes him to stumble. Then, I get up and tackle him to the ground. I keep punching him in the face until Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance pull me off of him. What happens next is strange even to me. As they are pulling me away from him, I keep screaming "Black Lives Matter"! I am not sure why I am yelling that, but the Black Guy is still lying on the ground with a bloody nose. He looks up at me and smiles through the blood. I keep yelling "Black Lives Matter" and the staff take me outside of the pod and throw me into a solitary cell. I know from all the prison documentaries I've seen that this is a holding cell where they put unruly inmates. The cell is completely empty with only a metal bed and toilet. I know I may be in here for a couple days so I decided to make the most of it. I am just going to do a lot of working out in this cell. I am also going to think about Kat and Amanda too. Even though they are not physically here with me, they can be here with me in my thoughts. For now, that will have to be good enough. As soon as I get back on the pod, I will call Kat again, and maybe this time that Black Guy will leave me alone. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson not to mess with me. I also have to call my parents because they are probably wondering where I am.
***Stay Tuned For Part 6***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"What makes you so special, whiteboy?" The black guy asks me and I get really angry at his racist remark, but I try to remain as calm as I can be.
"I'm not special," I reply "It's just that this group doesn't apply--"
"Oh, so you think you are better than us because you are sober and clean, huh?" The black guy asks me and this time I try to explain to him how that is not the case. I am not sure why he is acting this way nor do I understand why Mr. Rex is allowing him to question me like this. But, I refuse to let him punk me in front of everyone.
"Look man, I do not want any trouble. I just do not feel like this group will benefit me in any way whatsoever" I explain to the Black Guy. I hope that the other guys can see how genuine I am even if this guy doesn't. Mr. Rex decides now is the time to chime in and he tells me that the group is mandatory for everyone even if it does not apply to everyone. I decided that I would comply with the program even though I thought their rules were stupid. As I am sitting there listening to Mr. Rex drone on and on about drugs and alcohol, I cannot help but think about Kat and Amanda. I wonder what they are doing right now. I wish that I could call them just to hear their voices one more time. I decided that I would call Kat as soon as I was able to. A whole hour goes by when finally Mr. Rex tells us that we can break for ten minutes before we need to line up to head to the gym. I am happy to hear that there actually is a gym because Pueblo State Hospital LAU did not have a gym. I decided to quickly get on the phone to call Kat. She does not answer and it goes straight to voicemail. She must be in class right now. I left her voicemail telling her where I was and left the phone number in the message. Then, I tell her I love her and hang up.
We eventually line a single file in front of the pod door and Mr. Rex has us each count off a number. When it gets to me, I do not say anything because I am not sure what is going on and Mr. Rex tells us to start over. All of the guys groan in frustration over my mistake. This time when it gets to my turn, I yell my number as loud as I can. After we count off our numbers, Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance walk us out of the pod and down the hallway. Another line of guys from another pod heads our direction and so Mr. Rex tells us to stop walking and turn to face the wall. We all do as we are told and I wonder why we have to do this, but I do not dare question anything. Once the line gets passed us, we resume our walk to the gym.
We enter the gym and Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance have us each stand in two rows about three or four feet from one another. Mr. Rex then leads us in a series of exercises such as a round of push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, and even suicide runs. I find all of this invigorating because it reminds me of football training. After the workouts, we are told to run laps around the gym until they tell us to stop. I love this part because I love to run. I end up outrunning all of these guys and I can tell they do not appreciate me showing them up. But, I do not care because I am not here for a popularity contest. After about fifteen minutes, Mr. Lance tells us to stop running. We all line up in front of the door and begin counting off our numbers. Once that is over, we start walking down the hall to the cafeteria for Lunch.
When we arrive in the cafeteria, we are told to stand around each table but we must not sit down until we are told. The staff wants us to take a moment of silence to allow anyone religious to pray. I am not religious in any way so I just stand there. It's not that I hate religion. I just do not see any use for it currently in my life. After a moment of silence, the staff told us to sit down. They then call up each table one by one to get in line so we can get our food. When my table finally gets our food, I see we have burritos, chips, a brownie, and grape juice. It's not the best lunch but I am so hungry that I am not going to complain. We all eat in silence because we only have ten minutes to eat everything before we need to get back in line to go back to the pod. When we line back up, the staff comes around to pat us down to make sure we are not bringing any contraband back to the pod. Once that has been done, they tell us to count off again, and then we begin walking back to our pod. I am already finding this place to be very tedious.
Once we are back on the pod, Mr. Rex tells us we have free time until dinner. I decided to give Kat another call. She actually answers this time on the first ring.
"Baby," She begins, "When did you get sent to Spring Creek?" I explained to her how the police came to get me earlier in the morning. She asks me when are visiting hours and I tell her I am not sure but I will find out.
"Do you know how long you will be in there for?" She asks me and I sit there in silence for a while until she calls my name.
"I do not know. I have a court hearing on Monday morning." That is all I can tell her. I am just concerned about making it through this weekend. She does not seem pleased with that answer but she tells me she is praying for me. Whatever that means. I think I need much more than prayer but I try to thank her anyway because I know she means well. But, then the black guy came around and hung up my phone before I could say anything to her.
"Conversation is over, White boy!" The Black Guy says to me. Immediately, I get full of rage and I punch him directly in his chest, which causes him to stumble. Then, I get up and tackle him to the ground. I keep punching him in the face until Mr. Rex and Mr. Lance pull me off of him. What happens next is strange even to me. As they are pulling me away from him, I keep screaming "Black Lives Matter"! I am not sure why I am yelling that, but the Black Guy is still lying on the ground with a bloody nose. He looks up at me and smiles through the blood. I keep yelling "Black Lives Matter" and the staff take me outside of the pod and throw me into a solitary cell. I know from all the prison documentaries I've seen that this is a holding cell where they put unruly inmates. The cell is completely empty with only a metal bed and toilet. I know I may be in here for a couple days so I decided to make the most of it. I am just going to do a lot of working out in this cell. I am also going to think about Kat and Amanda too. Even though they are not physically here with me, they can be here with me in my thoughts. For now, that will have to be good enough. As soon as I get back on the pod, I will call Kat again, and maybe this time that Black Guy will leave me alone. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson not to mess with me. I also have to call my parents because they are probably wondering where I am.
***Stay Tuned For Part 6***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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