***The following is a fictional account of a teenager who has Bipolar Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Some content may be triggering. Reader discretion advised***
To my surprise, the staff in this place actually allowed me to sleep until Dinner time. Mr. Alex came to wake me up around 5pm to let me know we were about to transition to the cafeteria. I slowly start to stand up because I am still a little groggy. I walk out of my room and down the hallway to see the other guys standing in line in front of the unit door. I get right in line after the last person and he allows me to cut in front of him. I guess he just does not want anyone walking behind him for some reason. The staff member had us count off just like the staff in Spring Creek but this time it was a little different. Instead of just saying our numbers, we were expected to say a "line expectation". I was not sure what this meant but I could tell from what other people were saying what I was supposed to say. So, when it came to my turn, I yelled my number and said "Don't step on the person's shoes in front of you" because that is what the person in front of me had said. As soon as this silly practice was done, Mr. Alex called in the transition into his walkie-talkie radio and we headed out of the door. It was still daylight out and the light breeze felt good on my skin. As we were walking to the cafeteria, we walked passed a girl's unit doing their rec time. I gawked at the girls much like the other guys because there were some cuties there. One of the girls noticed me gawking and she smiled and waved at me. I smiled and waved back, but then Mr. Alex told me to keep my eyes forward. I did as I was told, but it irritated me.
Once we were in the cafeteria, I expected us to sit down at a table and wait to be called on before we could get in line for our food. But to my pleasant surprise, this did not happen. We were actually allowed to get in line to get our food right away. The dinner did not look too appealing, to be honest. It was Salisbury steak that looked a day old, green beans, carrots, and chocolate pudding. The drink was apple juice. As I sat down to eat my food, I was immediately repulsed by the smell of the Salisbury steak. So, I decided not to eat it. I ate everything else, but it was all very bland. The apple juice was the only thing that tasted good. This Mexican guy sat at my table and introduced himself, David Vasquez. I told him my name just to be nice, but I really did not want to talk to anyone. I was hoping that he would leave me alone. But, he had other ideas apparently.
"What you in here for huh?" He asks me and I think that is a rather strange question to ask someone you just met. However, I was used to being asked this a million times already. So, I explained to him how I got into a fight with someone at school and then beat up a police officer. He seemed impressed and he even laughed a little.
"What set do you represent, homie?" He asks me and I am not quite sure how to respond to this. He noticed that I was confused by this question and he asked me if I "bang". Again, I am not sure how to respond and he laughs again. This time I am getting angry because I feel like he is laughing at me. However, he stops laughing and tells me that he is a Blood from La Junta. At this point, I wonder to myself how many other people in this unit are gang members. I have never had any experience dealing with gangs nor have I ever wanted to have that experience. So, this is all brand new to me.
"It is good that you are fresh," David tells me "As long as you stick with me and keep your nose clean, I will watch your back homie". He says this like I care. I do not need anyone to watch my back because I can watch it for myself. I tell him this and he just laughs again. I get tempted to punch him in the face to prove to him how tough I really am. But, I decided that wouldn't be a good idea. After dinner, we stand in line again count off, and say line expectations once more. Then, we walk to the medical building and once we are inside, we all sit down. We are supposed to be waiting while the kids who have meds get called up to take their daily dose. I am instantly reminded of the Zoloft that the doctor at the mental hospital prescribed to me. I still refuse to take that poison. As we were waiting, one of the kids by the name of Enrique' decided that he wanted to say what's up to me. I acknowledge his presence and he also asks me what I am in here for.
"You seem like such a goodie two shoes," He scoffs at me and I have to explain my whole story again. He also seems impressed by the fact that I was able to take on a police officer. I am not bothered by these guys' impressions of me because I already know my capabilities. If they want to find out exactly what I am capable of, they can test me. After everyone takes their medication, we get back in line, and once again need to count off and say a line expectation. This is getting tedious once again. Why the heck do we have to keep doing this in these places? As we are walking back to Mt. Yale, I notice that the girls' rec time is coming to an end. The girl who smiled at me earlier smiles at me again and I quickly smile back and then face forward before anyone notices.
As soon as we get back on the unit, we have a therapy group with Mr. Tony. We sit in the Day Room on the comfortable couches, while he sits in the front. I feel like we are about to be lectured by a college professor. Mr. Tony begins by talking about how anger is a secondary emotion, whatever that means. He then clarifies that whenever we are angry, there is usually an underlying emotion behind our anger. I find all of the psycho-babble to be ridiculous. Whenever I am angry, there is no other emotion behind it. At least, I do not think there is any way. I've never thought about it like that.
"What if someone screws my girl?" Travis blurts out and I think he made a good point. If someone were to screw my girl, I would get rightfully angry and I do not think there is any other emotion behind that whatsoever. Mr. Tony perks up at this question.
"Let's explore that for a moment, Travis," He begins, "If someone were to 'screw your girl', why would you feel angry?" I think that is literally the dumbest question that I ever heard in my life. Travis is silent for a minute before he answers "Because I am hurt by it". I think that is a reasonable response to be honest because if Kat ever cheated on me, I'd be hurt too.
"That is right," Mr. Tony remarks, "And when you are hurt, you get angry, correct?" Travis nods his head. Mr. Tony goes on to explain that it is alright to be angry, but it is what we do with our anger that truly matters. This goes on for about an hour and begin to zone out because all I can think about is Kat and Amanda. I would like for this group to end so I can call Kat. Finally, Mr. Tony concludes the group and we go into free time. I decided that I needed to pee before asking to make a phone call. I entered the bathroom only to see Enrique' follow me. I find this weird, but I figured maybe he needs to pee too. I would soon find out he had other intentions, however.
"You probably think you're pretty tough to take on a police officer, huh pretty boy?" He says to me and I am taken aback by that question.
"I do not think of that occurrence actually," I calmly tell him. He begins telling me that he is a Latin King and he has beaten up many cops before. Good for him. I just want to pee and get on with my life. I head to the urinal and he steps in my way. This actually does irritate me and I tell him that I do not want any trouble. I tell him that I just need to pee.
"Oh, you found trouble alright, punk," He says, as he takes a swing at my face. I immediately dunk out of the way and I punch him in the jaw with a right hook. He tells me that was a lucky hit and then rams me into the wall. I begin elbowing him in the back of his head and end up knocking him to the floor. Then, I jump on him and continue punching him in the face. All of a sudden, two staff members come in and pull me off of him. They take me into the staff office and put me in what they call the "Orientation Room". They tell me that I will stay in there until I cool off. I punch a hole in the wall and then sit down on the floor. I cannot believe that I already got into a fight on my first day. I begin to miss the days of being in Spring Creek. Little did I know, this was only the beginning.
***Stay Tuned For Part 9***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Once we were in the cafeteria, I expected us to sit down at a table and wait to be called on before we could get in line for our food. But to my pleasant surprise, this did not happen. We were actually allowed to get in line to get our food right away. The dinner did not look too appealing, to be honest. It was Salisbury steak that looked a day old, green beans, carrots, and chocolate pudding. The drink was apple juice. As I sat down to eat my food, I was immediately repulsed by the smell of the Salisbury steak. So, I decided not to eat it. I ate everything else, but it was all very bland. The apple juice was the only thing that tasted good. This Mexican guy sat at my table and introduced himself, David Vasquez. I told him my name just to be nice, but I really did not want to talk to anyone. I was hoping that he would leave me alone. But, he had other ideas apparently.
"What you in here for huh?" He asks me and I think that is a rather strange question to ask someone you just met. However, I was used to being asked this a million times already. So, I explained to him how I got into a fight with someone at school and then beat up a police officer. He seemed impressed and he even laughed a little.
"What set do you represent, homie?" He asks me and I am not quite sure how to respond to this. He noticed that I was confused by this question and he asked me if I "bang". Again, I am not sure how to respond and he laughs again. This time I am getting angry because I feel like he is laughing at me. However, he stops laughing and tells me that he is a Blood from La Junta. At this point, I wonder to myself how many other people in this unit are gang members. I have never had any experience dealing with gangs nor have I ever wanted to have that experience. So, this is all brand new to me.
"It is good that you are fresh," David tells me "As long as you stick with me and keep your nose clean, I will watch your back homie". He says this like I care. I do not need anyone to watch my back because I can watch it for myself. I tell him this and he just laughs again. I get tempted to punch him in the face to prove to him how tough I really am. But, I decided that wouldn't be a good idea. After dinner, we stand in line again count off, and say line expectations once more. Then, we walk to the medical building and once we are inside, we all sit down. We are supposed to be waiting while the kids who have meds get called up to take their daily dose. I am instantly reminded of the Zoloft that the doctor at the mental hospital prescribed to me. I still refuse to take that poison. As we were waiting, one of the kids by the name of Enrique' decided that he wanted to say what's up to me. I acknowledge his presence and he also asks me what I am in here for.
"You seem like such a goodie two shoes," He scoffs at me and I have to explain my whole story again. He also seems impressed by the fact that I was able to take on a police officer. I am not bothered by these guys' impressions of me because I already know my capabilities. If they want to find out exactly what I am capable of, they can test me. After everyone takes their medication, we get back in line, and once again need to count off and say a line expectation. This is getting tedious once again. Why the heck do we have to keep doing this in these places? As we are walking back to Mt. Yale, I notice that the girls' rec time is coming to an end. The girl who smiled at me earlier smiles at me again and I quickly smile back and then face forward before anyone notices.
As soon as we get back on the unit, we have a therapy group with Mr. Tony. We sit in the Day Room on the comfortable couches, while he sits in the front. I feel like we are about to be lectured by a college professor. Mr. Tony begins by talking about how anger is a secondary emotion, whatever that means. He then clarifies that whenever we are angry, there is usually an underlying emotion behind our anger. I find all of the psycho-babble to be ridiculous. Whenever I am angry, there is no other emotion behind it. At least, I do not think there is any way. I've never thought about it like that.
"What if someone screws my girl?" Travis blurts out and I think he made a good point. If someone were to screw my girl, I would get rightfully angry and I do not think there is any other emotion behind that whatsoever. Mr. Tony perks up at this question.
"Let's explore that for a moment, Travis," He begins, "If someone were to 'screw your girl', why would you feel angry?" I think that is literally the dumbest question that I ever heard in my life. Travis is silent for a minute before he answers "Because I am hurt by it". I think that is a reasonable response to be honest because if Kat ever cheated on me, I'd be hurt too.
"That is right," Mr. Tony remarks, "And when you are hurt, you get angry, correct?" Travis nods his head. Mr. Tony goes on to explain that it is alright to be angry, but it is what we do with our anger that truly matters. This goes on for about an hour and begin to zone out because all I can think about is Kat and Amanda. I would like for this group to end so I can call Kat. Finally, Mr. Tony concludes the group and we go into free time. I decided that I needed to pee before asking to make a phone call. I entered the bathroom only to see Enrique' follow me. I find this weird, but I figured maybe he needs to pee too. I would soon find out he had other intentions, however.
"You probably think you're pretty tough to take on a police officer, huh pretty boy?" He says to me and I am taken aback by that question.
"I do not think of that occurrence actually," I calmly tell him. He begins telling me that he is a Latin King and he has beaten up many cops before. Good for him. I just want to pee and get on with my life. I head to the urinal and he steps in my way. This actually does irritate me and I tell him that I do not want any trouble. I tell him that I just need to pee.
"Oh, you found trouble alright, punk," He says, as he takes a swing at my face. I immediately dunk out of the way and I punch him in the jaw with a right hook. He tells me that was a lucky hit and then rams me into the wall. I begin elbowing him in the back of his head and end up knocking him to the floor. Then, I jump on him and continue punching him in the face. All of a sudden, two staff members come in and pull me off of him. They take me into the staff office and put me in what they call the "Orientation Room". They tell me that I will stay in there until I cool off. I punch a hole in the wall and then sit down on the floor. I cannot believe that I already got into a fight on my first day. I begin to miss the days of being in Spring Creek. Little did I know, this was only the beginning.
***Stay Tuned For Part 9***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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