Many of you already know part of the story of my experiences in foster care and in juvenile detention. You probably know about how I ended up in foster care because my mother called the police one day and asked them to give her and me a lethal injection. You know about how I even agreed to take the lethal injection to die with my mom. You may even know about how I landed myself in the juvenile detention system because I started my foster home on fire too. I did that because I thought if I could do something heroic, then people would love me. I assume that if you have been following this ministry for any length of time, you most likely know all of this about me and you probably think there is nothing new I can share about myself. However, there is something else that you probably do not know about me or that you do not know in-depth about my story. What you may not know about me is how I went through a phase in my life where I really did despise Jesus Christ. It's not that I was an atheist because I have always known that God exists. I always knew that God existed, but for a while, I grew such an intense hatred for Him. During this time, I would go out of my way to persecute His followers because I knew that I could not do anything to Him. It is for this reason that I identify with the Apostle Paul so much. Even though I was not killing Christians, I made it my ambition to make life hell for Christians. It bothered me to no end whenever I saw Christians who seemed to be at peace. I believe that we people on the Schizophrenia spectrum seem to either be hateful of God or very passionately in love with God, but rarely do see us in the middle. My story is the proof of someone who has schizophrenia who went from one extreme to the other. The period of my life that I am talking about began when I was 18 years old and lasted until I was 21 years old. I will document for you exactly what I went through during these years and my hope for this blog is that it will show you that no matter how bad you think you are, you are not beyond redemption. The Lord really does welcome you with open arms if you would just run to Him to receive the grace of Christ. He paid the penalty that we deserve when He went to the cross for our sins. Now, all we need to do is repent and believe in His name. I will separate this blog into three sections: Juvenile Detention Bible Study, Bisexuality, and Bullying. I hope that my story inspires you to either grow in your faith in Christ or that the Lord will draw you to Himself through my story. If one of those things happens, then the purpose of this blog will have been served.
Juvenile Detention Bible Study
As some of you may already know, I spent a good three years in juvenile detention (two months of that time was in an actual jail and the rest of that time was inside a residential treatment facility for teens). When I first arrived in juvenile detention, I identified myself as a Christian, but I was not really aware of what that truly meant. It was during this time that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder. My initial reaction to this diagnosis was shock and anger. I was shocked because I would have never guessed that I was mentally ill. I've had the opportunity of witnessing my mother's instability and I would have never guessed that I was like her. I was angry because the fact that I was mentally ill meant that I was as unstable as my mother. When I learned that mental illness is genetic, I became even more angry with my mom. Eventually, I realized it was not my mom's fault for how she was born. She could not control that. The Person I began to blame for my mother's instability was God. After all, He was in control of everything, right? This realization caused me to grow in my hatred of Him. The way I figured was that He must hate me since He gave me a mentally ill mother and He also gave me a mental illness too. As a result of this, I ended up harassing professing Christians in my unit. I felt like since I could not do anything to Him, I may as well cause distress to His people. I even began attending the weekly Bible Studies every Wednesday for the sole purpose of harassing the Bible study teacher. Since he had poor theology (he was a Mennonite), I would ask him questions that I knew he could not answer. I would question him about the Trinity and Noah's flood with the sole intent of humiliating him. At one time I even decided to question him concerning the idea of whether or not he takes Jesus' words concerning "turning the other cheek" seriously. I asked him if his wife was being attacked and if he would defend her. His answer made me laugh at him. He said that he would stand in between her and the attacker and take the beating while she ran away. Immediately I imagined myself being the attacker. In retrospect, I actually admire his honest reply. I would also relish in the idea of blaspheming God because I believed that I was committing the "unpardonable sin". As a result, I would go out of my way to blaspheme Him every day.
Bisexuality
During this time I was looking for more ways to hurt God. I knew that homosexuality was considered an abomination to Him, so I decided to make myself bisexual. I was already experiencing the attractions, although thankfully I never had the opportunity to act on the attractions. I remember I used to dress in pink clothing and paint my nails too. I really thought that I was making God very angry and that is what kept me going along with this charade. I felt like God was really my enemy now that I was identifying as bisexual and that thought made me happy. During this time, my GAL (Guardian Ad Litum) asked me if I considered myself transgender and that was the first time I ever heard that term. I told her I never thought about that, but then since she planted the thought in my head, I began to consider it. After all, what better way to "stick it to God" than making myself a different gender than He originally created me? I began to fantasize about what it would be like to be a woman.
Bullying
As I have said already during this time I would harass professing Christians. I hated how Christians always seemed to be at peace and I was not at peace. I felt like God must be showing favoritism toward them. As a result, I decided to make it my life's ambition to make their lives a living hell. One such Christian was this mentally disabled kid in my group home. I do not remember his name, but I remember exactly what I did to him. I thought it would be funny to crush up a bar of soap and then manipulate him into snorting the line. When he did this twice, I thought it was so hilarious that I decided to get him to snort a line of laundry detergent. I began laughing very hard when he did that too. However, later in the day, his right eye became very red. Jimmy, the group home director, noticed the kid's eye and found out what I did. He began to lecture me about how I could have killed him, but I honestly did not care. I was very hard-hearted and did not mind going to prison for murder. I think this is the moment Jimmy was truly afraid of what I was capable of. Another example of me bullying a Christian was when I harassed a staff member named Rick. Rick always carried a Bible in his back pocket. One day, I asked him to come into my room so I could see his Bible. As soon as his Bible was in my hands, a surge of rage ran through my body. I ended up tearing up his Bible, spitting in it, and
throwing it back in his face. Then, I yelled at him to get out of my room. I even used an expletive. After that incident, Rick always avoided me. I think he was afraid to be around me.
I hope my story helps you to understand that no one is too far gone from being saved by God's grace in Christ. If the Lord could save someone as hardened as I was, then God can save anyone. If you have not given your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, then right now is the time to consider it. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so today is the day of salvation. Please do not push off redemption til it is too late. God came down in the form of a man to take the punishment that we deserve on the cross. Then, three days later He rose from the dead. Now, God commands everyone everywhere to repent and trust in Jesus Christ. Thank you very much for reading my story and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Juvenile Detention Bible Study
As some of you may already know, I spent a good three years in juvenile detention (two months of that time was in an actual jail and the rest of that time was inside a residential treatment facility for teens). When I first arrived in juvenile detention, I identified myself as a Christian, but I was not really aware of what that truly meant. It was during this time that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder. My initial reaction to this diagnosis was shock and anger. I was shocked because I would have never guessed that I was mentally ill. I've had the opportunity of witnessing my mother's instability and I would have never guessed that I was like her. I was angry because the fact that I was mentally ill meant that I was as unstable as my mother. When I learned that mental illness is genetic, I became even more angry with my mom. Eventually, I realized it was not my mom's fault for how she was born. She could not control that. The Person I began to blame for my mother's instability was God. After all, He was in control of everything, right? This realization caused me to grow in my hatred of Him. The way I figured was that He must hate me since He gave me a mentally ill mother and He also gave me a mental illness too. As a result of this, I ended up harassing professing Christians in my unit. I felt like since I could not do anything to Him, I may as well cause distress to His people. I even began attending the weekly Bible Studies every Wednesday for the sole purpose of harassing the Bible study teacher. Since he had poor theology (he was a Mennonite), I would ask him questions that I knew he could not answer. I would question him about the Trinity and Noah's flood with the sole intent of humiliating him. At one time I even decided to question him concerning the idea of whether or not he takes Jesus' words concerning "turning the other cheek" seriously. I asked him if his wife was being attacked and if he would defend her. His answer made me laugh at him. He said that he would stand in between her and the attacker and take the beating while she ran away. Immediately I imagined myself being the attacker. In retrospect, I actually admire his honest reply. I would also relish in the idea of blaspheming God because I believed that I was committing the "unpardonable sin". As a result, I would go out of my way to blaspheme Him every day.
Bisexuality
During this time I was looking for more ways to hurt God. I knew that homosexuality was considered an abomination to Him, so I decided to make myself bisexual. I was already experiencing the attractions, although thankfully I never had the opportunity to act on the attractions. I remember I used to dress in pink clothing and paint my nails too. I really thought that I was making God very angry and that is what kept me going along with this charade. I felt like God was really my enemy now that I was identifying as bisexual and that thought made me happy. During this time, my GAL (Guardian Ad Litum) asked me if I considered myself transgender and that was the first time I ever heard that term. I told her I never thought about that, but then since she planted the thought in my head, I began to consider it. After all, what better way to "stick it to God" than making myself a different gender than He originally created me? I began to fantasize about what it would be like to be a woman.
Bullying
As I have said already during this time I would harass professing Christians. I hated how Christians always seemed to be at peace and I was not at peace. I felt like God must be showing favoritism toward them. As a result, I decided to make it my life's ambition to make their lives a living hell. One such Christian was this mentally disabled kid in my group home. I do not remember his name, but I remember exactly what I did to him. I thought it would be funny to crush up a bar of soap and then manipulate him into snorting the line. When he did this twice, I thought it was so hilarious that I decided to get him to snort a line of laundry detergent. I began laughing very hard when he did that too. However, later in the day, his right eye became very red. Jimmy, the group home director, noticed the kid's eye and found out what I did. He began to lecture me about how I could have killed him, but I honestly did not care. I was very hard-hearted and did not mind going to prison for murder. I think this is the moment Jimmy was truly afraid of what I was capable of. Another example of me bullying a Christian was when I harassed a staff member named Rick. Rick always carried a Bible in his back pocket. One day, I asked him to come into my room so I could see his Bible. As soon as his Bible was in my hands, a surge of rage ran through my body. I ended up tearing up his Bible, spitting in it, and
throwing it back in his face. Then, I yelled at him to get out of my room. I even used an expletive. After that incident, Rick always avoided me. I think he was afraid to be around me.
I hope my story helps you to understand that no one is too far gone from being saved by God's grace in Christ. If the Lord could save someone as hardened as I was, then God can save anyone. If you have not given your life to the Lord Jesus Christ, then right now is the time to consider it. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so today is the day of salvation. Please do not push off redemption til it is too late. God came down in the form of a man to take the punishment that we deserve on the cross. Then, three days later He rose from the dead. Now, God commands everyone everywhere to repent and trust in Jesus Christ. Thank you very much for reading my story and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
I am aware of your testimony Brother. It takes courage to give ones testimony and I appreciate that. Technically, while in our unregenerate state, we were all anti Christ's. We hated God and even as His elect we were under His wrath until He regenerated us and gave us the gift of faith and repentance. Only our sovereign God can change a person from death to life.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty and love for Christ