"Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him, there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes" 1 John 2:10-11
Loving someone with a clinical mental illness can be extremely difficult, especially when they are not seeking treatment. As someone who used to take care of his mentally ill mother, I know all too well how hard of a task it can be. This is why I know it is difficult even for my wife to love me at times too. But, as Christians, we are commanded to love one another. As a matter of fact, 1 John 2:10-11 pretty much tells us that if we do not love one another, then we are not saved. I know that is a bold statement to make, but it is clearly what Scripture says. Sure, we are saved by grace alone through faith in Christ alone, but as James tells us that "faith without works is dead". This does not mean that our works justify us because only grace in Christ justifies us. What James is telling us is that if we are truly saved, then our works will demonstrate that we are saved. This is why John can tell us that if we have no love for our brothers and sisters we are not saved. As I have said already, loving people does not come easily, and loving someone with a chronic mental illness is even more difficult. In this blog, I shall give you some tips on how to love someone with a mental illness. I am speaking as someone who suffers from a mental illness and as someone who has loved someone with a mental illness. So, I have the personal experience enough to know how we are to be loved. I will divide this blog into three parts: Listening Intently, Non-Judgmental, and Patience. I know that these are not the only ways you can show love to someone with a mental illness, but these are the main ways that I'd like to focus on for this blog. If you can think of any other ways, please feel free to comment below. I will now elaborate on each of these points.
Listening Intently
This tip is very difficult to master because as human beings, we are quick to respond. As James tells us in 1:19-20,
"Know this, beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of men does not produce the righteousness of God"
As Christians, we are commanded to listen more than we are to speak. Not every issue needs a response. Sometimes, when we are talking, we just need someone who will listen to us. I understand how difficult this is because I am prone to offer quick suggestions to people, but as I get older, I have begun to realize that this is not always the right thing to do. I firmly believe that the best thing Job's friends did for him was when they sat next to him in silence for three days. It was when they began to talk that they ruined everything! There are times when we need someone to correct us, but most of the time, we just need someone to be present. Being present in our situation means more than having pat answers.
Non-judgmental
This is another tip that is difficult because we are so prone to be judgmental toward others. However, Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3,
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves"
As you can see from this text, we are to consider others as more important than ourselves. Paul did not say, "unless the person has any kind of affliction". No, we are always supposed to consider ourselves last and to put others first. I know how hard this is because it does not come naturally to us. As fallen human beings, we are prone to be prideful and selfish. However, in the same way that Jesus humbled Himself to die for us on the cross, we are to likewise humble ourselves. This means that when your mentally ill loved one is being irrational, you are not to cast judgment on him or her. Instead of arguing with this person, try to understand where they are coming from. The worst thing you can do is judge them because that will only further alienate them from you.
Patience
This is probably the most difficult tip that I can offer you because patience does not come easily. However, patience does precede the first two tips that I talked about. I say this because if we display patience, then we will be able to listen intently and be non-judgmental too. For this reason, patience is probably the most important thing to practice when dealing with someone who suffers from mental illness. Patience does not come naturally to us so we need to always be in prayer and to rely on the Holy Spirit to give us strength. If we can master having patience, then the previous two tips will come easily to us, but without having patience, we will fail in being able to listen and be non-judgmental.
I hope that this blog helps you to better understand how we are to love those who suffer from mental illnesses. I know that it is difficult, but through Christ all things are possible. As you keep trusting in Jesus, everything else will fall into place. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Loving someone with a clinical mental illness can be extremely difficult, especially when they are not seeking treatment. As someone who used to take care of his mentally ill mother, I know all too well how hard of a task it can be. This is why I know it is difficult even for my wife to love me at times too. But, as Christians, we are commanded to love one another. As a matter of fact, 1 John 2:10-11 pretty much tells us that if we do not love one another, then we are not saved. I know that is a bold statement to make, but it is clearly what Scripture says. Sure, we are saved by grace alone through faith in Christ alone, but as James tells us that "faith without works is dead". This does not mean that our works justify us because only grace in Christ justifies us. What James is telling us is that if we are truly saved, then our works will demonstrate that we are saved. This is why John can tell us that if we have no love for our brothers and sisters we are not saved. As I have said already, loving people does not come easily, and loving someone with a chronic mental illness is even more difficult. In this blog, I shall give you some tips on how to love someone with a mental illness. I am speaking as someone who suffers from a mental illness and as someone who has loved someone with a mental illness. So, I have the personal experience enough to know how we are to be loved. I will divide this blog into three parts: Listening Intently, Non-Judgmental, and Patience. I know that these are not the only ways you can show love to someone with a mental illness, but these are the main ways that I'd like to focus on for this blog. If you can think of any other ways, please feel free to comment below. I will now elaborate on each of these points.
Listening Intently
This tip is very difficult to master because as human beings, we are quick to respond. As James tells us in 1:19-20,
"Know this, beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of men does not produce the righteousness of God"
As Christians, we are commanded to listen more than we are to speak. Not every issue needs a response. Sometimes, when we are talking, we just need someone who will listen to us. I understand how difficult this is because I am prone to offer quick suggestions to people, but as I get older, I have begun to realize that this is not always the right thing to do. I firmly believe that the best thing Job's friends did for him was when they sat next to him in silence for three days. It was when they began to talk that they ruined everything! There are times when we need someone to correct us, but most of the time, we just need someone to be present. Being present in our situation means more than having pat answers.
Non-judgmental
This is another tip that is difficult because we are so prone to be judgmental toward others. However, Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3,
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves"
As you can see from this text, we are to consider others as more important than ourselves. Paul did not say, "unless the person has any kind of affliction". No, we are always supposed to consider ourselves last and to put others first. I know how hard this is because it does not come naturally to us. As fallen human beings, we are prone to be prideful and selfish. However, in the same way that Jesus humbled Himself to die for us on the cross, we are to likewise humble ourselves. This means that when your mentally ill loved one is being irrational, you are not to cast judgment on him or her. Instead of arguing with this person, try to understand where they are coming from. The worst thing you can do is judge them because that will only further alienate them from you.
Patience
This is probably the most difficult tip that I can offer you because patience does not come easily. However, patience does precede the first two tips that I talked about. I say this because if we display patience, then we will be able to listen intently and be non-judgmental too. For this reason, patience is probably the most important thing to practice when dealing with someone who suffers from mental illness. Patience does not come naturally to us so we need to always be in prayer and to rely on the Holy Spirit to give us strength. If we can master having patience, then the previous two tips will come easily to us, but without having patience, we will fail in being able to listen and be non-judgmental.
I hope that this blog helps you to better understand how we are to love those who suffer from mental illnesses. I know that it is difficult, but through Christ all things are possible. As you keep trusting in Jesus, everything else will fall into place. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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