***The Following is a Fictional account of a man named Skyler Clark who struggles with Schizophrenia. This is not about me. There might be some triggering subject matter. If you are easily triggered, do not read this. ***
I seriously cannot believe that the idiotic hospital staff admitted me into the looney bin. I am literally surrounded by idiots who are envious of my genius. It's alright, though. They will not be able to get me to take their poisonous venom. I will absolutely refuse. This hospital looks like a dreary place. We are locked in and can never go outside for fresh air. There are sentimental pictures on the walls that say things like, "Tomorrow is not promised, yesterday is in the past. Today is a gift, which is why it is called the present" and other crap like that. The people here are all a bunch of morons too. They are like robots who just accept anything these nurses give them. I definitely do not need to be in this place. At my intake, the nurse asked me if I was suicidal or had thoughts to harm myself. I told her of course not. Why would I want to harm myself? The world obviously needs me. I mean, where would people be without my great presence? I shudder to think about it. The nurse shows me to my room, where a roommate introduces himself as Jake. I make sure to tell him that we are not friends so that he does not get the wrong impression. I overhear someone on the intercom saying that group therapy is going to start in five minutes. She further says that we do not have to go but must stay in our rooms if we do not attend. That's fine by me. I will stay in my room because I do not want to be around these idiots anyway. I just want to sleep my time here away. All of a sudden, I see the man with the baseball bat from the Burger King in my room. How did he get inside here? I actually feel a sense of relief seeing him.
"What's your name?" I ask the man. He sits down on my bed and replies, "My name is not important. I am here to tell you that you need to get out of this place. The nurses are going to hurt you." I immediately get scared.
"What do you mean? How can I get out of here?" I ask him. I do want to leave and I will do whatever it takes to get out too. His face looks grim now. He looks down to the floor and then back up to me. He stands up and walks toward me. Then, he puts his right hand on my shoulder.
"You have to kill the nurses, Skyler," He says and I become horrified at the thought. I have never murdered anyone before. I would not even know how to do it. However, I do want out of this hell hole. I miss my freedom.
"How do you suggest I do it?" I ask him. At this point, I am ready to do whatever he says. Immediately, a nurse comes into my room to check on me. She sees me standing up in the center of the room.
"Is everything alright?" She seems concerned, but I am not falling for it. I ignore her and keep my attention on the man with the bat. He points to her and says, "Now is your chance, Skyler! Do not let her escape!" I turn around and look her dead in her eyes. I see the fear in her eyes. Yes, she should be afraid. She slowly begins to back away from me as I lunge toward her. I end up knocking her down with my fists and I continue giving her a beating. All of a sudden, two male nurses come rushing in. They restrain me and stick a syringe into my arm. Immediately, I begin to feel sleepy. As my eyes are closing, I see the man with the bat shaking his head. I wonder to myself what he is thinking.
A while later I wake up and I see that I am strapped to a bed. I get pissed off and begin yelling for someone to get me out of there. I cannot believe these fools actually strapped me to a bed. I become increasingly more frustrated as I see my attempts to free myself are futile. The man with the bat approaches me. I yell at him to leave because it is his fault that I am here.
"You failed me, Skyler," He says. I failed him? What is that supposed to mean? I shake my head and begin to cry. I have never cried like this before. The man with the bat tells me to stop crying because I am showing them weakness. He says that they will take advantage of me for showing weakness. All of a sudden, I have a revelation! This man cannot be real because he is appearing to me in places he possibly could not get into. I tell him that.
"What makes you think that I do not have access to you when I work here, Skyler?" He says and that definitely seems reasonable. I actually believe him. Maybe he is real, after all. But, then again, why didn't the nurse acknowledge him? She could have yelled for his help when I was attacking her. If he truly works here, then why does he want me to kill the staff? I feel really confused. I just yell more at him, telling him to leave. A male nurse comes into my room.
"Mr. Clark, is everything alright?" He asks me. Obviously, he hears me yelling. I tell him to tell the man with the bat to leave me alone. He looks up and then at me.
"Who are you talking about?" He asks me and this time I am further confused. Why can't anyone see this man? He obviously cannot be real. Maybe I am having hallucinations. All of a sudden, I think about the flying cat with a human face and the grotesque-looking squirrel. The man with the cargo shorts did not seem to acknowledge the strange scene. Maybe I do have this Schizoaffective Disorder.
"Skyler," The nurse's voice breaks into my thoughts, "The doctor will be in shortly, ok? If he says that you are safe enough to get out of these restraints, then we will let you out." He then turns around and leaves. The man with the bat begins to scold me about not finishing my job, but I just ignore him. I cannot talk to people who do not exist. I hear Bill Gates telling me that I need to build the Enterprise, but I ignore him too.
About ten minutes later, the doctor comes in and greets me. He tells me that his name is Dr. Khan. I ask him to let me out. I swear to him that I will be safe.
"Are you having any hallucinations?" He asks me and I tell him that I am, but I am ignoring them. I think I surprised him when I acknowledged that they are hallucinations. However, he looks pleasantly surprised.
"Well, I will let you out of here, but I want you to start taking your Risperidone. I am increasing it to 8 mg. I agree to take the medication. He then leaves. About five minutes later, the male nurse returns to let me out of my restraints. As I am sitting on the edge of the bed, he gives me my medication. I do not feel any different right away. He told me it takes a minute to really start working. He then tells me that they are in the Activities Group and I agree to join.
As I walk into the Activities Group room, the first thing I notice is how many people are in there and how small the room is. I hate tight spaces. However, I take my seat next to an African-American girl. They are coloring pictures. I grab a picture of a butterfly and some coloring pencils. As I am coloring the picture, I immediately feel a sense of peace rush over me. Coloring actually has a calming effect on me. I am surprised.
"I like your butterfly," The girl next to me says as I am finishing coloring it. I politely tell her thanks. The Activities Coordinator compliments my butterfly too as she takes it to hang it on the wall. I feel sort of like a child right now. I am a little humiliated. After Activities Group is over, we all head out to what is called the Day Room. I decide that I want to call my wife. As soon as she answers the phone, she asks me how I am doing.
"I am fine," I tell her. I decide not to tell her about my altercation. However, I do tell her that I realize that I do have a problem and I will be taking my medication from now on. I apologize profusely to her. She accepts my apology and says she is happy that I am getting help. I miss her so very much. This woman has been very patient with me. After we hang up the phone, I see that it is time for lunch. Good, because I am hungry.
After about three more days here, I have not seen a single hallucination, and my emotions seem to be stable. I guess that my Risperidone is working. Dr. Khan has me in his office again and I gladly report that I am doing much better. He seems pleased. He tells me that as long as everything goes well tonight, then I can possibly discharge tomorrow morning. I feel excited about this. He schedules me to have a follow-up with Dr. Goodman about a week from today. I am actually fine with that. I will be med-compliant from now on because I like the feeling of stability. Later that evening, I phone my wife to tell her the news and she seems genuinely happy. I think she misses me too. I end up going to sleep early tonight and I dream about flying like a bird in the sky. I feel like I am finally free.
The next morning, I wake up to eat breakfast and then we have Morning Group. I tell everyone I am discharging and I feel great. Everyone is happy for me. I like these people. Around 10 am, a nurse comes to me with some discharge papers to sign and then they say the Social Worker will be calling a cab for me. She says that the cab will be here in about fifteen minutes. I cannot wait to see my wife. The fifteen minutes seem like an eternity, but eventually, the cab gets here. The nurse that takes me to the cab asks me what is the first thing I am going to do when I get home and I tell her to hug and kiss my wife. I then get inside the cab and we begin the long drive home. I feel elated at the idea of being able to sleep in my own bed tonight.
Stay Tuned For Part 4 Of This Series...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"What's your name?" I ask the man. He sits down on my bed and replies, "My name is not important. I am here to tell you that you need to get out of this place. The nurses are going to hurt you." I immediately get scared.
"What do you mean? How can I get out of here?" I ask him. I do want to leave and I will do whatever it takes to get out too. His face looks grim now. He looks down to the floor and then back up to me. He stands up and walks toward me. Then, he puts his right hand on my shoulder.
"You have to kill the nurses, Skyler," He says and I become horrified at the thought. I have never murdered anyone before. I would not even know how to do it. However, I do want out of this hell hole. I miss my freedom.
"How do you suggest I do it?" I ask him. At this point, I am ready to do whatever he says. Immediately, a nurse comes into my room to check on me. She sees me standing up in the center of the room.
"Is everything alright?" She seems concerned, but I am not falling for it. I ignore her and keep my attention on the man with the bat. He points to her and says, "Now is your chance, Skyler! Do not let her escape!" I turn around and look her dead in her eyes. I see the fear in her eyes. Yes, she should be afraid. She slowly begins to back away from me as I lunge toward her. I end up knocking her down with my fists and I continue giving her a beating. All of a sudden, two male nurses come rushing in. They restrain me and stick a syringe into my arm. Immediately, I begin to feel sleepy. As my eyes are closing, I see the man with the bat shaking his head. I wonder to myself what he is thinking.
A while later I wake up and I see that I am strapped to a bed. I get pissed off and begin yelling for someone to get me out of there. I cannot believe these fools actually strapped me to a bed. I become increasingly more frustrated as I see my attempts to free myself are futile. The man with the bat approaches me. I yell at him to leave because it is his fault that I am here.
"You failed me, Skyler," He says. I failed him? What is that supposed to mean? I shake my head and begin to cry. I have never cried like this before. The man with the bat tells me to stop crying because I am showing them weakness. He says that they will take advantage of me for showing weakness. All of a sudden, I have a revelation! This man cannot be real because he is appearing to me in places he possibly could not get into. I tell him that.
"What makes you think that I do not have access to you when I work here, Skyler?" He says and that definitely seems reasonable. I actually believe him. Maybe he is real, after all. But, then again, why didn't the nurse acknowledge him? She could have yelled for his help when I was attacking her. If he truly works here, then why does he want me to kill the staff? I feel really confused. I just yell more at him, telling him to leave. A male nurse comes into my room.
"Mr. Clark, is everything alright?" He asks me. Obviously, he hears me yelling. I tell him to tell the man with the bat to leave me alone. He looks up and then at me.
"Who are you talking about?" He asks me and this time I am further confused. Why can't anyone see this man? He obviously cannot be real. Maybe I am having hallucinations. All of a sudden, I think about the flying cat with a human face and the grotesque-looking squirrel. The man with the cargo shorts did not seem to acknowledge the strange scene. Maybe I do have this Schizoaffective Disorder.
"Skyler," The nurse's voice breaks into my thoughts, "The doctor will be in shortly, ok? If he says that you are safe enough to get out of these restraints, then we will let you out." He then turns around and leaves. The man with the bat begins to scold me about not finishing my job, but I just ignore him. I cannot talk to people who do not exist. I hear Bill Gates telling me that I need to build the Enterprise, but I ignore him too.
About ten minutes later, the doctor comes in and greets me. He tells me that his name is Dr. Khan. I ask him to let me out. I swear to him that I will be safe.
"Are you having any hallucinations?" He asks me and I tell him that I am, but I am ignoring them. I think I surprised him when I acknowledged that they are hallucinations. However, he looks pleasantly surprised.
"Well, I will let you out of here, but I want you to start taking your Risperidone. I am increasing it to 8 mg. I agree to take the medication. He then leaves. About five minutes later, the male nurse returns to let me out of my restraints. As I am sitting on the edge of the bed, he gives me my medication. I do not feel any different right away. He told me it takes a minute to really start working. He then tells me that they are in the Activities Group and I agree to join.
As I walk into the Activities Group room, the first thing I notice is how many people are in there and how small the room is. I hate tight spaces. However, I take my seat next to an African-American girl. They are coloring pictures. I grab a picture of a butterfly and some coloring pencils. As I am coloring the picture, I immediately feel a sense of peace rush over me. Coloring actually has a calming effect on me. I am surprised.
"I like your butterfly," The girl next to me says as I am finishing coloring it. I politely tell her thanks. The Activities Coordinator compliments my butterfly too as she takes it to hang it on the wall. I feel sort of like a child right now. I am a little humiliated. After Activities Group is over, we all head out to what is called the Day Room. I decide that I want to call my wife. As soon as she answers the phone, she asks me how I am doing.
"I am fine," I tell her. I decide not to tell her about my altercation. However, I do tell her that I realize that I do have a problem and I will be taking my medication from now on. I apologize profusely to her. She accepts my apology and says she is happy that I am getting help. I miss her so very much. This woman has been very patient with me. After we hang up the phone, I see that it is time for lunch. Good, because I am hungry.
After about three more days here, I have not seen a single hallucination, and my emotions seem to be stable. I guess that my Risperidone is working. Dr. Khan has me in his office again and I gladly report that I am doing much better. He seems pleased. He tells me that as long as everything goes well tonight, then I can possibly discharge tomorrow morning. I feel excited about this. He schedules me to have a follow-up with Dr. Goodman about a week from today. I am actually fine with that. I will be med-compliant from now on because I like the feeling of stability. Later that evening, I phone my wife to tell her the news and she seems genuinely happy. I think she misses me too. I end up going to sleep early tonight and I dream about flying like a bird in the sky. I feel like I am finally free.
The next morning, I wake up to eat breakfast and then we have Morning Group. I tell everyone I am discharging and I feel great. Everyone is happy for me. I like these people. Around 10 am, a nurse comes to me with some discharge papers to sign and then they say the Social Worker will be calling a cab for me. She says that the cab will be here in about fifteen minutes. I cannot wait to see my wife. The fifteen minutes seem like an eternity, but eventually, the cab gets here. The nurse that takes me to the cab asks me what is the first thing I am going to do when I get home and I tell her to hug and kiss my wife. I then get inside the cab and we begin the long drive home. I feel elated at the idea of being able to sleep in my own bed tonight.
Stay Tuned For Part 4 Of This Series...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry
Check out the other Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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