How To Edify Someone With A Mental Illness

 

In the many years that I have been a Christian mental health advocate, I have personally witnessed many brothers and sisters in the faith who fail to understand how to properly care for someone dealing with a clinical mental illness. Sometimes these people are well-meaning, but they just hold to some harmful views concerning mental health. At other times, these people are just downright nasty in their attitudes concerning mental health. I have been the victim of both sides of this coin and know of other brothers and sisters who have also fallen victim. It is for this very reason that I am writing this blog now. I want to help my brothers and sisters who do not have mental illnesses to better know how to edify those of us who do have a mental illness. What does it mean to edify someone? According to Dictionary.com, to edify someone means, 

"instruct or improve someone morally or intellectually" 

In other words, to edify means to build someone up. In the Bible, we are commanded to edify one another. For example, Romans 14:19 tells us, 

"So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding"

and 

Romans 15:2 tells us, 

"Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up"

As you can see from these texts, we are called to build one another up in the faith. Paul is not concerned with us building up unbelievers but believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. In 1st Corinthians 12, Paul compares the body of Christ to a human body when he talks about how we need one another. He says in verses 14-20, 

"For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body', that would not make it any less part of the body. And if the ear should say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body', that would not make it any less part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But, as it is, God arranged the members of the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 

Paul is clearly telling us that every member of the Body of Christ is important. I sometimes feel like those of us with mental illnesses are akin to an ingrown toenail in the Church. However, when I read this passage, it gives me great comfort because it shows how important each of us really is. As a matter of fact, Paul goes on to tell us that those who seem the least significant in the Body of Christ are deserving of even more honor! (verses 22-23). 

Now, that I have established that it is our Christian duty to edify one another, I would like to spend the remainder of this blog discussing what it looks like to edify someone with a clinical mental illness. I am not saying that you should treat us any differently than you would treat another brother or sister in Christ who does not struggle with mental illness. Actually, treating us differently than others would have an adverse effect because those of us with mental illnesses do not want to be treated differently. However, there are some things you should keep in mind when communicating with someone who has a mental illness. I will get into these things now. 

Make Your Presence Known, But Do Not "Fix" Us 
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Most of us who deal with mental illnesses feel very alone because we feel like no one understands us. As a result, we tend to isolate ourselves from other people because we feel it is safer that way. If you see us isolating, do not be afraid to approach us. We will not bite, I promise! However, when you do approach us, do not come to us to try to "fix" us. We are not broken so trying to "fix" us can be one of the most detrimental things you can attempt to do. Instead, come to us to want to get to know who we are better. If you do that, then it will go a long way in establishing rapport and trust with us. It may even soften our demeanor toward you too. 

Listen To Us, Not Argue
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As you are getting to know us better, it can be tempting to disagree with something we said, especially if we are in an episode. However, expressing your disagreement can, and often is, the worst thing you can do in these circumstances. I say this because it can cause us to spiral out of control and fall further into our own delusions. Instead of arguing, the best thing for you to do, and it may be the hardest thing to do, is to sit and listen to us talk. You can accomplish a lot more by listening to us rather than trying to argue us down into a stalemate, 

Remind Us That We Are Loved 
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Another reason most of us who deal with mental illness tend to feel alone is because we are not aware of the fact that we have people who love us. Many of us equate understanding with love and since we are very much misunderstood, we tend to feel unloved. It is up to you to remind us that even though you may not understand us you still love us regardless. We may understand how you could love us, but by you reminding us of this fact it will go a long way in making us feel comfortable. If you constantly remind us that you love us, eventually we will learn the difference between understanding and love and how the two are not exactly the same. 

I hope that this helps you to better understand how you can edify those of us with mental illnesses. It is not an easy task but if you can learn to utilize these tips, it will greatly help you to edify your mentally ill loved one. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope you found it to be edifying to you. May the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!

-David Lee Chu Sarchet 
Christian Mental Health Advocate 

Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website