For many of us with mental illnesses, it is very tempting for us to consider going off of our medications. We do this for a variety of reasons. Some of us think there is no longer anything wrong with our minds or sometimes we even think that the medication is poisoning us. Regardless of the reasons we give, it is inevitable that the temptation to quit the medications will come up. As someone who has been on both ends of refusing to take medications and taking medications, I can honestly say that life is better when I am properly medicated. If you are someone who is considering putting an end to your medication, this blog is for you. I want you to know that I perfectly understand why you are considering this. It can be a real hassle trying to remember to keep taking the medication every day. Also, why should you keep taking the medication when you feel just fine, right? If this is how you are feeling, then please keep reading. This blog aims to help you understand why medication is important for people like us. It literally could be a matter of life or death. As you read this blog, you will see that the decision to go off medication can lead either to death or prison. Now, it is time for me to tell you my story.
13 years old to 15 years old
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When I was 13 years old, I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. In retrospect, I was a pretty depressed child, but it was because I was taken from my family and placed into foster care. What child in that predicament would not be depressed? Well, as a result of this, I believe I was misdiagnosed. I was put on antidepressants, which caused me to go into mania episodes. I was getting very little sleep, yet I was so full of energy. Also, during this time, I began eating a lot of food too. What is mania, you ask? According to Dictionary.com, mania is,
"mental illness marked by periods of great excitement, or euphoria, delusions, and overactivity"
I remember that during this time I would write many stories because I kept getting ideas flooding my mind. I also constantly tried to wrestle with my foster brothers because I was obsessed with WWE, or as it was called back then WWF. I was getting into numerous fights with my foster brothers too. No one knew what my deal was, but my psychiatrist at the time kept giving me antidepressants, which did not help at all. Also, around this time, I experienced my first hallucination. I would see a giant fly with a human face who would taunt me in the school hallway and chase me around. It was terrifying because I did not know what was happening.
"mental illness marked by periods of great excitement, or euphoria, delusions, and overactivity"
I remember that during this time I would write many stories because I kept getting ideas flooding my mind. I also constantly tried to wrestle with my foster brothers because I was obsessed with WWE, or as it was called back then WWF. I was getting into numerous fights with my foster brothers too. No one knew what my deal was, but my psychiatrist at the time kept giving me antidepressants, which did not help at all. Also, around this time, I experienced my first hallucination. I would see a giant fly with a human face who would taunt me in the school hallway and chase me around. It was terrifying because I did not know what was happening.
16 years old to 18 years old
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During this time, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 Depression. As a result, I was put on mood stabilizers such as Depakote, Geodone, and others. I was also put on antidepressants too. This helped me a little bit but I would still go into manic episodes. During these manic episodes, I would "moon" the other kids in my unit and get into constant fights. It was also during this time that I began to hallucinate a man named Tom who would befriend me and tell me to do things that would get me into trouble. I would listen to him because he seemed to be the only person who understood me and who cared for me. Also, during this time, I became very anti-Christian because I grew to hate God. As a result of this, I would bully and harass Christians for their faith. I would also have frequent bouts of depression where I would attempt to commit suicide and even resorted to cutting myself too. The psychiatrist tried me on a whole host of medications at this time and some of them made me into a zombie while others made me less depressed, but more manic. He just could not find the right medication for me because I was misdiagnosed again.
19 years old to 26 years old
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Once I was able to move out on my own and not be considered a ward of the state, I decided that I would stop taking my medications altogether. I decided on my own that I did not need them anyway. I would just self-medicate by smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Around this time, I had an encounter with some Mormons, whom the Lord strategically used to pique my interest in reading the Bible. I became saved as a result of this and then afterwards I believed I was healed of my mental illness. As a result of this newfound belief, I definitely concluded that I no longer needed medication. I even stopped seeing my therapist too. Shortly after this revelation, I began creating fake profiles on social media sites. My intention was not to be deceptive. I honestly believed that these fake profiles were real, even if I was just talking to myself.
I remember that in my younger years in the faith, I had a delusion that told me that three separate women at my church were going to be my wife and I would excitedly report this news to them. Obviously, they did not share the same excitement. This caused me to slip into a depression episode where I would feel suicidal. I ended up in the psychiatric hospital for a week, but as soon as I got out I threw away my medication.
Shortly afterward, I had a series of serious relationships with women whom I should not have been dealing with. This inevitably led me to a woman in New Jersey who turned out to be a narcissist, who only wanted to control me. I lived with this woman for an entire year. That year was a literal hell on earth. I am not sure why I put up with her for so long, but I think my Separation Anxiety would not allow me to let her go. Finally, when I dared to leave her, it was because the voices in my head became too overbearing for me. They were telling me to harm her. As a result, I gathered as much of my things together, along with a month's worth of my medication, and left via Greyhound back to Colorado. It was for the best because the psychiatrists I was seeing in New Jersey did not know how to help me either. After all, they did not know what my proper diagnosis was.
Once I was in Colorado, things seemed to be alright. I was staying with a friend at the time when one day he and I got into an argument that sent me into a mania episode. In this episode, I believed that it was biblically prophesied for me to harm Donald Trump. I made a video expressing this on YouTube and ended up in the psychiatric hospital for a week and a half. After I got out, however, I was able to convince Social Security to make me my own payee and I was able to get back on my medication. At this point, I realized that I needed them. As a result of being medicated again, I became much more stable, but I still was not diagnosed correctly. As a result, I still would fly into manic episodes. One such episode had me wandering the streets of Colorado Springs in the middle of the night telling random people about my new epiphany about life being a giant episode of Punk'd and God being the ultimate Ashton Kutcher. Shortly after that episode, I found out about my mom being released from her institution and being homeless in Barstow, California. In a fit of rage and mania, I immediately gave up my residence to go out and find her to bring her back to Colorado. I was not sure where we would live, but I figured we would figure that out later. All I was concerned about was getting my mom off the streets. Eventually, the Secret Service paid me a visit and told me that if I did not stay on my medication they would come back to arrest me.
I remember that in my younger years in the faith, I had a delusion that told me that three separate women at my church were going to be my wife and I would excitedly report this news to them. Obviously, they did not share the same excitement. This caused me to slip into a depression episode where I would feel suicidal. I ended up in the psychiatric hospital for a week, but as soon as I got out I threw away my medication.
Shortly afterward, I had a series of serious relationships with women whom I should not have been dealing with. This inevitably led me to a woman in New Jersey who turned out to be a narcissist, who only wanted to control me. I lived with this woman for an entire year. That year was a literal hell on earth. I am not sure why I put up with her for so long, but I think my Separation Anxiety would not allow me to let her go. Finally, when I dared to leave her, it was because the voices in my head became too overbearing for me. They were telling me to harm her. As a result, I gathered as much of my things together, along with a month's worth of my medication, and left via Greyhound back to Colorado. It was for the best because the psychiatrists I was seeing in New Jersey did not know how to help me either. After all, they did not know what my proper diagnosis was.
Once I was in Colorado, things seemed to be alright. I was staying with a friend at the time when one day he and I got into an argument that sent me into a mania episode. In this episode, I believed that it was biblically prophesied for me to harm Donald Trump. I made a video expressing this on YouTube and ended up in the psychiatric hospital for a week and a half. After I got out, however, I was able to convince Social Security to make me my own payee and I was able to get back on my medication. At this point, I realized that I needed them. As a result of being medicated again, I became much more stable, but I still was not diagnosed correctly. As a result, I still would fly into manic episodes. One such episode had me wandering the streets of Colorado Springs in the middle of the night telling random people about my new epiphany about life being a giant episode of Punk'd and God being the ultimate Ashton Kutcher. Shortly after that episode, I found out about my mom being released from her institution and being homeless in Barstow, California. In a fit of rage and mania, I immediately gave up my residence to go out and find her to bring her back to Colorado. I was not sure where we would live, but I figured we would figure that out later. All I was concerned about was getting my mom off the streets. Eventually, the Secret Service paid me a visit and told me that if I did not stay on my medication they would come back to arrest me.
27 years old to the Present Day
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Shortly after having my mother with me, we decided to move to Ohio because that is where my sisters live and I needed their help in taking care of our mother. We arrived in Toledo, Ohio, and immediately stayed in a couple hotels. Eventually, I found a rooming house for my mom and me to stay in. I also ended up enrolling myself in a mental health clinic called Unison. While participating in Unison's program, I went through five or six different psychiatrists and one nurse practitioner. Eventually, one of the psychiatrists diagnosed me with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type. The news of this diagnosis was refreshing because it finally made sense of all of my experiences. I was immediately put on a cocktail of medications such as Risperidone, Lithium, and Seroquel. In retrospect, I was being overly medicated but I did not realize it at the time. I was just relieved to have a proper diagnosis.
Next, I met my wife, Lydia, in an AMBW (Asian Men Black Women) Facebook group and we chatted for a few days online before exchanging phone numbers. What seemed to be only a friendship quickly developed into a love interest, as we decided to meet for the first time in Chicago because of a race she was participating in. When we first met up, I know she noticed I was overly medicated because I was moving slowly, but she never let that bother her. After our visit, we decided to make our dating relationship official, but I decided that she was the woman I wanted to marry. So, as soon as I returned to Ohio, I began making plans to propose to her.
Eventually, my mother was hospitalized for having a stroke and ended up in a rehab facility and then the global pandemic started. Since Lydia and I had no idea how long this pandemic would last and when we would see each other again, we decided to get married right away. So, we went to the Toledo Courthouse to get our marriage certificate and then we had our ceremony at a chapel called Simply Married. Things seemed to be looking up. My medication seemed to be working well with keeping me stable and life seemed to be on the optimistic side. Then, one day my life almost ended because of a medication a nurse practitioner put me on.
I am not entirely sure why this nurse practitioner felt the need to put me on a medication called Clozapine, which was for medication-resistant patients. I definitely was not medication-resistant. This medication ended up perforating my colon and landed me in the hospital for three months. As a result of all this, I had my medication reduced to just Risperidone and my reflexes became much quicker as I became more animated. However, I was not so animated that I would become manic. Things seemed to be alright once I was back home.
Over time I seemed to do well, but then the voices started bothering me in church too much. Also, one day I got into a heated discussion with my biological father which threw me into a manic episode. This time I believed that Donald Trump was sending messages into my head. My wife and one of my sisters would be able to talk me down from the mania episode, but I still felt like I should admit myself to the hospital. As a result of doing that, I began seeing my current psychiatrist in private practice. This is better than going to a mental health clinic by far. My current psychiatrist has me on Risperidone and Zyprexa and while I still deal with the voices sometimes, it is not nearly as bad as it was. Furthermore, my moods are not rapidly fluctuating anymore either. They appear to be more stable. Overall, I am in a better place than I've been in many years.
Next, I met my wife, Lydia, in an AMBW (Asian Men Black Women) Facebook group and we chatted for a few days online before exchanging phone numbers. What seemed to be only a friendship quickly developed into a love interest, as we decided to meet for the first time in Chicago because of a race she was participating in. When we first met up, I know she noticed I was overly medicated because I was moving slowly, but she never let that bother her. After our visit, we decided to make our dating relationship official, but I decided that she was the woman I wanted to marry. So, as soon as I returned to Ohio, I began making plans to propose to her.
Eventually, my mother was hospitalized for having a stroke and ended up in a rehab facility and then the global pandemic started. Since Lydia and I had no idea how long this pandemic would last and when we would see each other again, we decided to get married right away. So, we went to the Toledo Courthouse to get our marriage certificate and then we had our ceremony at a chapel called Simply Married. Things seemed to be looking up. My medication seemed to be working well with keeping me stable and life seemed to be on the optimistic side. Then, one day my life almost ended because of a medication a nurse practitioner put me on.
I am not entirely sure why this nurse practitioner felt the need to put me on a medication called Clozapine, which was for medication-resistant patients. I definitely was not medication-resistant. This medication ended up perforating my colon and landed me in the hospital for three months. As a result of all this, I had my medication reduced to just Risperidone and my reflexes became much quicker as I became more animated. However, I was not so animated that I would become manic. Things seemed to be alright once I was back home.
Over time I seemed to do well, but then the voices started bothering me in church too much. Also, one day I got into a heated discussion with my biological father which threw me into a manic episode. This time I believed that Donald Trump was sending messages into my head. My wife and one of my sisters would be able to talk me down from the mania episode, but I still felt like I should admit myself to the hospital. As a result of doing that, I began seeing my current psychiatrist in private practice. This is better than going to a mental health clinic by far. My current psychiatrist has me on Risperidone and Zyprexa and while I still deal with the voices sometimes, it is not nearly as bad as it was. Furthermore, my moods are not rapidly fluctuating anymore either. They appear to be more stable. Overall, I am in a better place than I've been in many years.
Conclusion
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As you can see my medication story is a very scary one that has brought through the highs of elation to the bottomless depths. If it was not for my medication I shudder to think where I'd be today. I understand what it is like to think you do not need medication for whatever reason you may have. However, if you seriously consider your life, I am almost 100% certain that you would realize that your life is better on medication than without. Even if you have had the wrong medication due to a misdiagnosis, as I was, that is still no excuse to give up on medication. As you can see, it took me a whole lifetime to find the right medication that works for me. However, I am relieved to have finally found it. To be honest, I think it would have happened sooner if I had been more honest and transparent with my psychiatrists about my symptoms. This is a lesson I learned over time. When dealing with psychiatrists, it is vitally important for you to remain completely honest about everything with them. If you hide anything from them, they cannot help you because they are not mind-readers. We can trust our psychiatrists, even if they are unbelievers, because of God's common grace. What is Common Grace, you ask? According to Ligonier Ministries,
"By common grace, God restrains sin, evil, misery, and wrath in this fallen world, while conferring general, nonredemptive blessings on all mankind"
In other words, God has blessed all of His creation with common blessings that we can all benefit from, regardless of whether or not we are believers. This means even an unregenerate psychiatrist will have the blessing of knowledge to know how to properly diagnose and treat mental illnesses. We do not have to fear them nor distrust them. As James 1:17 tells us,
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows"
Psychiatry and Psychology together are good gifts from the Father above for His creation to benefit from.
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that my story has encouraged you to consider remaining on your medication. When I say that Psychiatric medication could save your life, I do not say that lightly. I give this advice as someone who has experienced the horrors of not being medicated due to my own stubbornness. Please learn from my mistakes and do not make the same ones I did. My life would not have been as rough as it was if I just accepted the fact that I needed professional help. There is no shame in taking psychiatric medication just like there is no shame in taking diabetes medication. It is all one and the same because they both treat your health. May the grace of the Living God, Jesus Christ, richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate,
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
"By common grace, God restrains sin, evil, misery, and wrath in this fallen world, while conferring general, nonredemptive blessings on all mankind"
In other words, God has blessed all of His creation with common blessings that we can all benefit from, regardless of whether or not we are believers. This means even an unregenerate psychiatrist will have the blessing of knowledge to know how to properly diagnose and treat mental illnesses. We do not have to fear them nor distrust them. As James 1:17 tells us,
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows"
Psychiatry and Psychology together are good gifts from the Father above for His creation to benefit from.
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope that my story has encouraged you to consider remaining on your medication. When I say that Psychiatric medication could save your life, I do not say that lightly. I give this advice as someone who has experienced the horrors of not being medicated due to my own stubbornness. Please learn from my mistakes and do not make the same ones I did. My life would not have been as rough as it was if I just accepted the fact that I needed professional help. There is no shame in taking psychiatric medication just like there is no shame in taking diabetes medication. It is all one and the same because they both treat your health. May the grace of the Living God, Jesus Christ, richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate,
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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