***The following is a fictional account of a teenager who has Bipolar Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Some content may be triggering. Reader discretion advised***
It is officially the third day in this looney bin and no one is talking about releasing me. I am not sure why because I've been doing everything they required of me. I've been playing by their rules. Today is different though. I do not feel like doing anything today whatsoever. I just want to isolate inside my room. I am not even coming out for meals. Don't ask me why I am behaving like this all of a sudden because I am not even sure why. I miss Kat and my parents and I just want to go home, but I feel stuck. No one here takes me seriously either. They all must think I am just a joke to them. I think Amanda is even in on the ruse. Sure, she is pretending to like me, but she is probably talking trash behind my back. I can literally trust no one in this place. I wish I could see my mom and dad. I talked to them on the phone yesterday and they do not seem like they are in any hurry to get me out of here. They kept saying that I needed to see this as an opportunity to "get the help that I need". I do not know what that is even supposed to mean. I am not crazy like my mom is. I do not attempt suicide every other week like she does. As a matter of fact, I am an honor roll student with great accolades. Most parents would be proud to have a kid like me. But, apparently, my parents think I need help. Kat thinks I need help too. Do I have a bit of an anger issue? Sure, but who doesn't get a little angry from time to time? I've even seen my dad get pretty angry. Being angry is perfectly normal. Nah, I do not need any "help" from this hospital. I am convinced by this and that is why I am refusing to leave my room today. I just want to sleep the day away and maybe when I wake up later I'll be in my own bed at home because this was all just a really bad dream.
As I am lying in bed, a short and stocky older man with glasses steps into my room. He looks like an Indian man and he introduces himself as Dr. Gupta. I immediately sit up when he comes in. Great, maybe now I can convince him to let me go home.
"How are you feeling, Eric?" Dr. Gupta asks me and I really do not want to tell him the truth because if I do, he may keep me here longer. Since I was convinced of this, I decided to lie instead.
"I feel great actually," I say as I force a weak smile. He makes a concerned look as he asks me why I am not participating in the program today. I tell him that I just do not feel like being around people today. He must have noticed from the corner of his eye that I was nervously tapping my foot on the floor.
"You seem nervous. What are you nervous about?" He asks me in a very calm, yet soothing voice. He does not seem to judge me, but he does seem to be concerned.
"I-I am not nervous about anything..." I stammer as my voice trails off. He does not seem convinced as he scribbles something in his notepad. He then asks me something that I find quite offensive. He asked me if I ever tried being on any antidepressants. Who the heck does he think he is? I do not need antidepressants! Everyone who knows me knows I am one of the most joyful guys to be around. I am always having fun and cracking jokes. I am not depressed at all.
"I-I do not need antidepressants," I tell attempt to calmly reassure him but he does not seem convinced. He tells me he is going to prescribe me an antidepressant called Zoloft and see how I am for the next few days. Does this mean that I must stay here longer? Immediately I get angry and feel like cursing him out. However, I know that if I do that, that will just prove to him that I need to stay here longer. I decided to hold my composure until he left. He asks me a few more questions about my overall health and he tells me that once I start taking the Zoloft I will need to make sure I eat because it is not good to take medication without food in my stomach. Little does he know, I am not in the least bit interested in taking his medication. After seeing my mother go in and out of these places, one thing I do know is that the patient does have the right to refuse medication. That is exactly what I plan on doing. I honestly do not need their poison because there is nothing wrong with me. Dr. Gupta finally stands up, tells me to have a nice day, and he walks out of my room. I immediately lay back down and fell asleep.
A nurse wakes me up around 6 pm to tell me that I have some visitors. I wonder who they could be because I was not expecting anyone today. The only person who has been visiting me thus far has been Kat and she works tonight. As I walk down the stairs, I see my mom and dad sitting at one of the round tables. I am actually relieved to see them. Maybe they are here to take me home. I approach them and they both stand up to give me a big hug. My mother seemed very excited to see me. We all take our seats at the table.
"How are they treating you here, hun?" My mother asks me and I tell her honestly that everyone has been really nice but I do not want to be here anymore. My mother says she understands, but then she reiterates to me that this is a good time for me to "get help". There she goes again with that crazy talk. She obviously does not understand. I decided to interrupt her midsentence.
"Mom, I am not like you. I do not need to be here!" I loudly say to her and this seems to have hurt her. I immediately feel remorse because I did not mean to hurt my mom, but she needs to understand that I am not crazy. My dad decides to chime in.
"I think what your mom is trying to say, Eric, is that we have noticed that you've been really stressed lately and maybe this is a time for you to relax, kid. Think of this as a vacation" He smiles at me with a devilish sort of grin. How can I think of this place as a "vacation" when it is completely locked down? I look over my shoulder and see Amanda smiling at me as her boyfriend is talking to her. I smile back at her. Maybe I will mess around with her again during free time. That will definitely cheer me up. I tell my dad that I do not want to talk about this place anymore and my parents agree to change the subject. We make small talk about how things are going at home. Apparently, a news reporter came by wanting to talk to me about the fight I started with the captain of Mitchell High School's football team. I do not understand how that is newsworthy, but whatever. My parents told me that that kid's parents are considering pressing charges against me and that really begins to worry me. I do not know why they would do that just because of a little fight. We're teens. Teenagers get into fights sometimes. That does not mean we should have charges pressed on us. Oh well, I am sure they are just blowing hot air. This will pass over and everyone will forget about the incident.
After about an hour, the nurse announces that visiting time is over, and I stand up to give my parents a hug. I watch as they walk out of the exit doors. I wish I could have left with them. Afterward, I approached Amanda once her boyfriend had left.
"So," I calmly say, "Your boyfriend is gone huh?" I say to her and she nods and smiles at me. I tell her then that means we can pick up right where we left off and she agrees. We head over to the Day Room and turn on the television and then we sit on the front couch and begin feeling one another up while at the same time watching out for the staff. This is literally the highlight of my day while being in here. But, then it is cut short because one of the nurses catches us and tells us there is no "PDA" allowed. We immediately stop touching each other and I get upset.
"Baby, do not worry," Amanda says softly, "We can resume this another time when the PDA police are not watching". I do not feel assured by this but I tell her "Whatever" and head straight to my room. After working out some, I decided to lay down on my bed and that is when a nurse came in my room.
"Med time!" She says and I respond by rudely telling her I do not want her poison and it is my right to refuse. She says that is fine and walks out. I get up to do more push-ups and then I lay back down and fall asleep after about five minutes.
While I am sleeping, I dream that I am at home sitting on the couch in the Living Room while watching WWE. Kat is with me and we are fooling around, but then her face morphs into Amanda's face and she accuses me of being a no-good player. She then slaps me in the face and walks away. I wake up from that dream only to realize that I am still in the hospital. I figured that maybe it was just a guilty conscience bothering me, but I decided to ignore it. After all, what Kat and Amanda do not know won't hurt them, right? I immediately fall back asleep after thinking this and slept like a baby.
***Stay Tuned For Part 4***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
As I am lying in bed, a short and stocky older man with glasses steps into my room. He looks like an Indian man and he introduces himself as Dr. Gupta. I immediately sit up when he comes in. Great, maybe now I can convince him to let me go home.
"How are you feeling, Eric?" Dr. Gupta asks me and I really do not want to tell him the truth because if I do, he may keep me here longer. Since I was convinced of this, I decided to lie instead.
"I feel great actually," I say as I force a weak smile. He makes a concerned look as he asks me why I am not participating in the program today. I tell him that I just do not feel like being around people today. He must have noticed from the corner of his eye that I was nervously tapping my foot on the floor.
"You seem nervous. What are you nervous about?" He asks me in a very calm, yet soothing voice. He does not seem to judge me, but he does seem to be concerned.
"I-I am not nervous about anything..." I stammer as my voice trails off. He does not seem convinced as he scribbles something in his notepad. He then asks me something that I find quite offensive. He asked me if I ever tried being on any antidepressants. Who the heck does he think he is? I do not need antidepressants! Everyone who knows me knows I am one of the most joyful guys to be around. I am always having fun and cracking jokes. I am not depressed at all.
"I-I do not need antidepressants," I tell attempt to calmly reassure him but he does not seem convinced. He tells me he is going to prescribe me an antidepressant called Zoloft and see how I am for the next few days. Does this mean that I must stay here longer? Immediately I get angry and feel like cursing him out. However, I know that if I do that, that will just prove to him that I need to stay here longer. I decided to hold my composure until he left. He asks me a few more questions about my overall health and he tells me that once I start taking the Zoloft I will need to make sure I eat because it is not good to take medication without food in my stomach. Little does he know, I am not in the least bit interested in taking his medication. After seeing my mother go in and out of these places, one thing I do know is that the patient does have the right to refuse medication. That is exactly what I plan on doing. I honestly do not need their poison because there is nothing wrong with me. Dr. Gupta finally stands up, tells me to have a nice day, and he walks out of my room. I immediately lay back down and fell asleep.
A nurse wakes me up around 6 pm to tell me that I have some visitors. I wonder who they could be because I was not expecting anyone today. The only person who has been visiting me thus far has been Kat and she works tonight. As I walk down the stairs, I see my mom and dad sitting at one of the round tables. I am actually relieved to see them. Maybe they are here to take me home. I approach them and they both stand up to give me a big hug. My mother seemed very excited to see me. We all take our seats at the table.
"How are they treating you here, hun?" My mother asks me and I tell her honestly that everyone has been really nice but I do not want to be here anymore. My mother says she understands, but then she reiterates to me that this is a good time for me to "get help". There she goes again with that crazy talk. She obviously does not understand. I decided to interrupt her midsentence.
"Mom, I am not like you. I do not need to be here!" I loudly say to her and this seems to have hurt her. I immediately feel remorse because I did not mean to hurt my mom, but she needs to understand that I am not crazy. My dad decides to chime in.
"I think what your mom is trying to say, Eric, is that we have noticed that you've been really stressed lately and maybe this is a time for you to relax, kid. Think of this as a vacation" He smiles at me with a devilish sort of grin. How can I think of this place as a "vacation" when it is completely locked down? I look over my shoulder and see Amanda smiling at me as her boyfriend is talking to her. I smile back at her. Maybe I will mess around with her again during free time. That will definitely cheer me up. I tell my dad that I do not want to talk about this place anymore and my parents agree to change the subject. We make small talk about how things are going at home. Apparently, a news reporter came by wanting to talk to me about the fight I started with the captain of Mitchell High School's football team. I do not understand how that is newsworthy, but whatever. My parents told me that that kid's parents are considering pressing charges against me and that really begins to worry me. I do not know why they would do that just because of a little fight. We're teens. Teenagers get into fights sometimes. That does not mean we should have charges pressed on us. Oh well, I am sure they are just blowing hot air. This will pass over and everyone will forget about the incident.
After about an hour, the nurse announces that visiting time is over, and I stand up to give my parents a hug. I watch as they walk out of the exit doors. I wish I could have left with them. Afterward, I approached Amanda once her boyfriend had left.
"So," I calmly say, "Your boyfriend is gone huh?" I say to her and she nods and smiles at me. I tell her then that means we can pick up right where we left off and she agrees. We head over to the Day Room and turn on the television and then we sit on the front couch and begin feeling one another up while at the same time watching out for the staff. This is literally the highlight of my day while being in here. But, then it is cut short because one of the nurses catches us and tells us there is no "PDA" allowed. We immediately stop touching each other and I get upset.
"Baby, do not worry," Amanda says softly, "We can resume this another time when the PDA police are not watching". I do not feel assured by this but I tell her "Whatever" and head straight to my room. After working out some, I decided to lay down on my bed and that is when a nurse came in my room.
"Med time!" She says and I respond by rudely telling her I do not want her poison and it is my right to refuse. She says that is fine and walks out. I get up to do more push-ups and then I lay back down and fall asleep after about five minutes.
While I am sleeping, I dream that I am at home sitting on the couch in the Living Room while watching WWE. Kat is with me and we are fooling around, but then her face morphs into Amanda's face and she accuses me of being a no-good player. She then slaps me in the face and walks away. I wake up from that dream only to realize that I am still in the hospital. I figured that maybe it was just a guilty conscience bothering me, but I decided to ignore it. After all, what Kat and Amanda do not know won't hurt them, right? I immediately fall back asleep after thinking this and slept like a baby.
***Stay Tuned For Part 4***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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