Forgiveness is such a touchy subject in today's day and age. So many people prefer holding onto grudges instead of forgiving someone who wronged them. These people seem to think the person who wronged them does not deserve their forgiveness. As a result of this action, these people end up holding onto their pain for their entire lives. However, the Scriptures command us to forgive. This does not necessarily mean that we will forget the pain that another person has caused us nor does it mean that we should allow the person back into our lives. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation, as one such pastor has said. In this blog, I shall discuss what the Bible has to say about forgiveness and then I will list some benefits that forgiveness has on mental health. The purpose of this blog is to encourage you to forgive your transgressor as the Lord has forgiven you. I am fully aware that forgiveness does not come easy, but with the Holy Spirit's help, it is possible to forgive.
The first passage of Scripture I'd like to draw your attention to is Matthew 18:21-22. There we read the following,
"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven times'
Our Lord then follows up His answer with the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. In that parable, Jesus tells us of a servant who owed his master a large sum of money that he could not pay. When the servant begged the master for mercy, the master graciously forgave his debt. However, when the servant saw another fellow servant who owed him a small sum of money, the servant had him sent to jail until he paid his debt in full. As a result, the other servants saw this, and they reported this event to their master. The master then brought the wicked servant before him and had him thrown into jail because he was unmerciful to his fellow servant. The point of this parable is that since we were forgiven much, we should forgive others since their offenses are not as large as our offenses before God. This may sound harsh but it is a truth that we need to accept. Our sins before God are infinitely greater than any sin that someone causes against us. The reason I say this is because our sins are against an infinitely holy God.
This leads us to a controversial question: Should we immediately forgive others or should we only forgive when the person asks us for forgiveness? I believe the Scriptures tell us to only forgive when the transgressor asks for forgiveness, but we should always be willing to forgive. The passage I use to support this teaching comes from Matthew 18:15-17. In that passage, Jesus tells us,
"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector"
As you can see from this text, Jesus is giving us instructions concerning how to address someone who sins against us. In this passage, He tells us to go to the person one-on-one and confront him or her. When Jesus says, "If he listens to you, you have gained your brother", He means if the person asks for your forgiveness. Jesus is simply telling us that we should not forgive until the person asks for our forgiveness. If the person asks for our forgiveness, then we can have fellowship again, but if he refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we bring along one or two others to confront him. If he still refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we bring him to church. If he refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we excommunicate him from fellowship until he repents. Excommunication is something that has fallen out of favor in many churches, but the purpose of it is to lead the unrepentant sinner to repentance. It is supposed to be a good thing, even if some churches have abused it.
Now, that I have discussed what the Bible says concerning forgiveness, I'd like to talk to discuss some benefits of forgiveness on mental health. As I contemplate this, I can see three mental health benefits concerning forgiveness: It Frees Up Your Mind, It Softens Your Heart, and It Changes The Way You See People. These are not the only benefits, but they are the main ones that I'd like to cover in this blog. If you can think of any more benefits, feel free to let me know. I will now elaborate on these points.
It Frees Up Your Mind
When I say that it frees up your mind, what I mean is that when you truly forgive someone, you do not keep dwelling on what they did. In other words, that person will not keep renting space in your head. When you truly forgive someone for their transgression, you can finally let what they did go. I know how hard this is to do and you may need to go to therapy before you can do this, but when you are finally at a place where you can forgive, it will be worth it. If you are like me, then you tend to become hyper-focused on whatever it is someone has done to you. I can totally relate to that. When I had a nurse practitioner almost kill me with a certain medication, all I felt was animosity toward him, but when I decided to let it go, it really did free up my mind. Nowadays, I can focus on things that really matter instead of on that nurse practitioner. The truth is, when we refuse to forgive someone, they are not even aware of what they did to us. This means the only person that is affected is us.
It Softens Your Heart
What I mean by this is when we refuse to forgive, it can really cause our hearts to become bitter and cold. Numerous studies out there show us how unforgiveness leads to bitterness. Everyone knows at least one person who is like this. However, when we choose to truly forgive someone for their transgression against us, it really melts our icy-cold hearts. It does not matter what the transgression is because we should be willing to let whatever it may go. I do not say this as a way to insinuate that it will be easy. As a matter of fact, this may be one of the hardest things you can do. But, if we do forgive, then our hearts will not become bitter.
It Changes The Way You See People
This is one of the most important points I can make. When we refuse to forgive, we will tend to see the other person as someone not worthy of forgiveness. In other words, we see them as less than human. We may even adopt a "holier-than-thou" attitude because we will think of ourselves as better than they are. However, when we truly accept that we are just as much of a sinner undeserving of forgiveness as they are, then it will cause us to view them in a more positive light. We will see that they need the Savior just as much as we do. All people on this earth are wretched and broken sinners who need the grace of Christ. When we truly understand this fact, it should change the way we view other people.
I hope that this blog helps you better understand why we should always be willing to forgive those who sin against us. As I have previously said, forgiveness does not mean forgetting nor does it mean reconciliation. It is also one of the hardest things we could do and it may require the help of a therapist and also the Holy Spirit. However, when we do truly forgive from our hearts, the benefits to our mental health are extraordinary. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
The first passage of Scripture I'd like to draw your attention to is Matthew 18:21-22. There we read the following,
"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven times'
Our Lord then follows up His answer with the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. In that parable, Jesus tells us of a servant who owed his master a large sum of money that he could not pay. When the servant begged the master for mercy, the master graciously forgave his debt. However, when the servant saw another fellow servant who owed him a small sum of money, the servant had him sent to jail until he paid his debt in full. As a result, the other servants saw this, and they reported this event to their master. The master then brought the wicked servant before him and had him thrown into jail because he was unmerciful to his fellow servant. The point of this parable is that since we were forgiven much, we should forgive others since their offenses are not as large as our offenses before God. This may sound harsh but it is a truth that we need to accept. Our sins before God are infinitely greater than any sin that someone causes against us. The reason I say this is because our sins are against an infinitely holy God.
This leads us to a controversial question: Should we immediately forgive others or should we only forgive when the person asks us for forgiveness? I believe the Scriptures tell us to only forgive when the transgressor asks for forgiveness, but we should always be willing to forgive. The passage I use to support this teaching comes from Matthew 18:15-17. In that passage, Jesus tells us,
"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector"
As you can see from this text, Jesus is giving us instructions concerning how to address someone who sins against us. In this passage, He tells us to go to the person one-on-one and confront him or her. When Jesus says, "If he listens to you, you have gained your brother", He means if the person asks for your forgiveness. Jesus is simply telling us that we should not forgive until the person asks for our forgiveness. If the person asks for our forgiveness, then we can have fellowship again, but if he refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we bring along one or two others to confront him. If he still refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we bring him to church. If he refuses to ask for forgiveness, then we excommunicate him from fellowship until he repents. Excommunication is something that has fallen out of favor in many churches, but the purpose of it is to lead the unrepentant sinner to repentance. It is supposed to be a good thing, even if some churches have abused it.
Now, that I have discussed what the Bible says concerning forgiveness, I'd like to talk to discuss some benefits of forgiveness on mental health. As I contemplate this, I can see three mental health benefits concerning forgiveness: It Frees Up Your Mind, It Softens Your Heart, and It Changes The Way You See People. These are not the only benefits, but they are the main ones that I'd like to cover in this blog. If you can think of any more benefits, feel free to let me know. I will now elaborate on these points.
It Frees Up Your Mind
When I say that it frees up your mind, what I mean is that when you truly forgive someone, you do not keep dwelling on what they did. In other words, that person will not keep renting space in your head. When you truly forgive someone for their transgression, you can finally let what they did go. I know how hard this is to do and you may need to go to therapy before you can do this, but when you are finally at a place where you can forgive, it will be worth it. If you are like me, then you tend to become hyper-focused on whatever it is someone has done to you. I can totally relate to that. When I had a nurse practitioner almost kill me with a certain medication, all I felt was animosity toward him, but when I decided to let it go, it really did free up my mind. Nowadays, I can focus on things that really matter instead of on that nurse practitioner. The truth is, when we refuse to forgive someone, they are not even aware of what they did to us. This means the only person that is affected is us.
It Softens Your Heart
What I mean by this is when we refuse to forgive, it can really cause our hearts to become bitter and cold. Numerous studies out there show us how unforgiveness leads to bitterness. Everyone knows at least one person who is like this. However, when we choose to truly forgive someone for their transgression against us, it really melts our icy-cold hearts. It does not matter what the transgression is because we should be willing to let whatever it may go. I do not say this as a way to insinuate that it will be easy. As a matter of fact, this may be one of the hardest things you can do. But, if we do forgive, then our hearts will not become bitter.
It Changes The Way You See People
This is one of the most important points I can make. When we refuse to forgive, we will tend to see the other person as someone not worthy of forgiveness. In other words, we see them as less than human. We may even adopt a "holier-than-thou" attitude because we will think of ourselves as better than they are. However, when we truly accept that we are just as much of a sinner undeserving of forgiveness as they are, then it will cause us to view them in a more positive light. We will see that they need the Savior just as much as we do. All people on this earth are wretched and broken sinners who need the grace of Christ. When we truly understand this fact, it should change the way we view other people.
I hope that this blog helps you better understand why we should always be willing to forgive those who sin against us. As I have previously said, forgiveness does not mean forgetting nor does it mean reconciliation. It is also one of the hardest things we could do and it may require the help of a therapist and also the Holy Spirit. However, when we do truly forgive from our hearts, the benefits to our mental health are extraordinary. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and may the grace of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ richly bless you all!
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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