***The Following is a Fictional account of a man named Skyler Clark who struggles with Schizophrenia. This is not about me. There might be some triggering subject matter. If you are easily triggered, do not read this. ***
It has been a day and a half since I've accepted the fact that the Lord has not healed me of my mental illness. I am taking my Risperidone again, but this time the doctor has prescribed me a new medication called Abilify. The medication combination seems to be working fine, but I notice that I zone out a lot though. The doctor wants to hold me in this hospital for a couple more days just to see how I am doing. This kind of aggravates me because I just want to go home already. I feel like I've suffered enough in this place. However, I understand that the doctor just wants to make sure that I am safe to go home. I do feel safe, but I am deeply ashamed of how I behaved right before I got taken to the hospital this time. I also feel really embarrassed too. I made a fool of myself in front of my neighbors and I wonder what they think of me now. If they did not care for me before, they probably definitely hate me now. They probably see me as the neighborhood crazy person. I am going to have to do a lot to make it up to them. And my wife. I have a lot to do to make things up to her. My wife has been so amazing to me. I appreciate her kindness and patience and love. I do not know how mentally ill people who are by themselves handle things because I do not know how I'd cope if I was on my own.
I walk out of my room and down the hall to the Day Room. Then, I sit down in front of the pay phone and pick up the receiver. I proceed to dial Sarah's number. I hope she picks up because I really need to hear her voice.
"Hello, honey," She says, "How are you today?" I feel excited to hear her voice, but it causes me to get a little sad because I miss her terribly. I tell her that the doctor added a new medication for me along with Risperidone. Then, I tell her that it seems to be working and that he is talking about discharging me in two days as long as everything is going fine. She seems to be happy with this news. I love this woman so much.
"I met your friend Mr. Romero today." She tells me and when I ask her how, she tells me that he brought his wife to the nail salon she works at. She tells me that they talked for a while and he seems like a really nice man. I start to think about how much I'd like to talk to him again. I have some questions about Christianity for him. But, I keep them to myself for now because I know that Sarah is not a believer yet. She is a good person, but she would not understand my questions, though. I proceed to tell her that I am thinking of applying for Social Security Disability so that I can help out with the bills.
"Oh, really?" She seems surprised by this because she knows how much I love to work, "How long have you been thinking of this?" I tell her that I've been thinking of this for a few days now because I realize that I cannot work a traditional full-time job because of my mental illness, but that I still would like to contribute to the home somehow. She seems pleased with this plan and says that she will help me with the application process if I need it. I tell her I appreciate it but I do not think that I'd need help. How hard could it be? I've known other people who have applied and got approved with no problem whatsoever. After about ten more minutes of conversation concerning how her day went, the nurse on the intercom says that it is time for group therapy and so the phones are turned off. We quickly say our "Goodbyes" and "I love yous" and then we hang up the phone. I decide that I actually want to go to group therapy today so I walk to the room where it is being held and take my seat.
The people in this group seem like a very friendly bunch. There is Chad, whose wife cheated on him and he attempted to commit suicide. Then, there is Eric, who is addicted to heroin and struggles with Bipolar Disorder. There is also Amy, who has a bunch of cut marks all over her arms. And also, there is Jessica, who deals with very intense Anxiety and is prone to having severe panic attacks. I feel comfortable around these people because I do not feel like such a freak of nature. Finally, I am around people who truly understand me. The group leader is talking about the importance of self-care. He asks us about what we like to do to help us cope with life's daily struggles. I contemplate this.
"Intercourse!" Eric blurts out immediately and everyone laughs. However, the group leader tells us to keep it appropriate. He does not seem to have appreciated Eric's attempt at humor. I tell the group leader that I enjoy walks in the park while listening to music and watching television and reading my Bible. The group leader says those are all good things to do. I feel relieved to have some sort of validation. Everyone else goes around the room talking about what they like to do. Some people say things out of humor, but others are genuine. After about thirty minutes, the group leader closes the group by having everyone recite the Serenity Prayer. Then, we all leave the Group Therapy room and head out to the Day Room for dinner. Today for dinner I am having two cheeseburgers, green beans, and a chocolate iced brownie.
"Can I sit here?" Eric asks as he stands by me with his tray of food. I politely tell him that he can and he pulls out his chair and sits down. As we are eating, he decides to make a casual conversation with me.
"So, you are a Christian, huh?" He asks and I tell him that yes I am. He then proceeds to tell me that he is pagan. I am not sure what that means but I just nod my head. We continue eating and then he looks up from his tray.
"So, if your God is so good, why did He command so many people in the Bible to be killed?" He asks out of nowhere and I shrug my shoulders. I did not sign up for a Bible trivia contest. He tells me that this is something that I need to think about because I am worshiping a genocidal deity. I must admit that this does bother me more than I cared to admit. I was not too familiar with the Old Testament because up until now I have only read the New Testament. I decide that I am going to start reading the Old Testament starting today. I will begin with Genesis. I do not honestly understand how a good and all-powerful God could tell His people to kill others and it does confuse me. I resolve to add that to my many questions for Mr. Romero later.
After dinner, we all have some free time and I decide to sit with some of the people to watch some television. Spongebob Squarepants is currently on and it drives me crazy because I hate cartoons, but I want to be social. I am tired of being in my room. Chad is sitting there next to me and he tells me that this is his favorite show. Well, good for him. I think it is a bit childish but then again to each their own. As we are watching, something strange happens. I notice that I have not had any hallucinations for quite some time. It sort of makes me feel excited and I praise God for allowing the medication to work. However, I also feel saddened because I actually miss them. I miss Mr. Gates and the flying cat. I can do without the man with the bat though. Does it seem strange to miss my hallucinations? I think I miss them because I lived with them for so long and now it feels weird to not see or hear them anymore. It is almost as if I lost some close friends of mine. Sanity is going to take some time to get used to. However, I am ready to live this new life and I am not ever going to stop taking my medication no matter what. I do not like the man I become when I do not take my medication.
Stay Tuned For Part 10 Of This Series...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
I walk out of my room and down the hall to the Day Room. Then, I sit down in front of the pay phone and pick up the receiver. I proceed to dial Sarah's number. I hope she picks up because I really need to hear her voice.
"Hello, honey," She says, "How are you today?" I feel excited to hear her voice, but it causes me to get a little sad because I miss her terribly. I tell her that the doctor added a new medication for me along with Risperidone. Then, I tell her that it seems to be working and that he is talking about discharging me in two days as long as everything is going fine. She seems to be happy with this news. I love this woman so much.
"I met your friend Mr. Romero today." She tells me and when I ask her how, she tells me that he brought his wife to the nail salon she works at. She tells me that they talked for a while and he seems like a really nice man. I start to think about how much I'd like to talk to him again. I have some questions about Christianity for him. But, I keep them to myself for now because I know that Sarah is not a believer yet. She is a good person, but she would not understand my questions, though. I proceed to tell her that I am thinking of applying for Social Security Disability so that I can help out with the bills.
"Oh, really?" She seems surprised by this because she knows how much I love to work, "How long have you been thinking of this?" I tell her that I've been thinking of this for a few days now because I realize that I cannot work a traditional full-time job because of my mental illness, but that I still would like to contribute to the home somehow. She seems pleased with this plan and says that she will help me with the application process if I need it. I tell her I appreciate it but I do not think that I'd need help. How hard could it be? I've known other people who have applied and got approved with no problem whatsoever. After about ten more minutes of conversation concerning how her day went, the nurse on the intercom says that it is time for group therapy and so the phones are turned off. We quickly say our "Goodbyes" and "I love yous" and then we hang up the phone. I decide that I actually want to go to group therapy today so I walk to the room where it is being held and take my seat.
The people in this group seem like a very friendly bunch. There is Chad, whose wife cheated on him and he attempted to commit suicide. Then, there is Eric, who is addicted to heroin and struggles with Bipolar Disorder. There is also Amy, who has a bunch of cut marks all over her arms. And also, there is Jessica, who deals with very intense Anxiety and is prone to having severe panic attacks. I feel comfortable around these people because I do not feel like such a freak of nature. Finally, I am around people who truly understand me. The group leader is talking about the importance of self-care. He asks us about what we like to do to help us cope with life's daily struggles. I contemplate this.
"Intercourse!" Eric blurts out immediately and everyone laughs. However, the group leader tells us to keep it appropriate. He does not seem to have appreciated Eric's attempt at humor. I tell the group leader that I enjoy walks in the park while listening to music and watching television and reading my Bible. The group leader says those are all good things to do. I feel relieved to have some sort of validation. Everyone else goes around the room talking about what they like to do. Some people say things out of humor, but others are genuine. After about thirty minutes, the group leader closes the group by having everyone recite the Serenity Prayer. Then, we all leave the Group Therapy room and head out to the Day Room for dinner. Today for dinner I am having two cheeseburgers, green beans, and a chocolate iced brownie.
"Can I sit here?" Eric asks as he stands by me with his tray of food. I politely tell him that he can and he pulls out his chair and sits down. As we are eating, he decides to make a casual conversation with me.
"So, you are a Christian, huh?" He asks and I tell him that yes I am. He then proceeds to tell me that he is pagan. I am not sure what that means but I just nod my head. We continue eating and then he looks up from his tray.
"So, if your God is so good, why did He command so many people in the Bible to be killed?" He asks out of nowhere and I shrug my shoulders. I did not sign up for a Bible trivia contest. He tells me that this is something that I need to think about because I am worshiping a genocidal deity. I must admit that this does bother me more than I cared to admit. I was not too familiar with the Old Testament because up until now I have only read the New Testament. I decide that I am going to start reading the Old Testament starting today. I will begin with Genesis. I do not honestly understand how a good and all-powerful God could tell His people to kill others and it does confuse me. I resolve to add that to my many questions for Mr. Romero later.
After dinner, we all have some free time and I decide to sit with some of the people to watch some television. Spongebob Squarepants is currently on and it drives me crazy because I hate cartoons, but I want to be social. I am tired of being in my room. Chad is sitting there next to me and he tells me that this is his favorite show. Well, good for him. I think it is a bit childish but then again to each their own. As we are watching, something strange happens. I notice that I have not had any hallucinations for quite some time. It sort of makes me feel excited and I praise God for allowing the medication to work. However, I also feel saddened because I actually miss them. I miss Mr. Gates and the flying cat. I can do without the man with the bat though. Does it seem strange to miss my hallucinations? I think I miss them because I lived with them for so long and now it feels weird to not see or hear them anymore. It is almost as if I lost some close friends of mine. Sanity is going to take some time to get used to. However, I am ready to live this new life and I am not ever going to stop taking my medication no matter what. I do not like the man I become when I do not take my medication.
Stay Tuned For Part 10 Of This Series...
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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