***The following is a fictitious account of a woman named Amy Jamison who struggles with Separation Anxiety Disorder. Some content may be triggering. If you are easily triggered, do not keep reading. If you are not easily triggered, then hopefully you find this story to be a tremendous blessing***
It has been a couple of days since I last heard from Hank and it is literally driving me insane. I hate being in this apartment by myself. I try to do things to keep my mind preoccupied, but it is all to no avail. I try to work out to some workout videos on YouTube, reading a book, listening to music, or even playing games on my phone. But, none of these things can distract my mind from thinking about him. Maybe if I go for a walk through the park. Memorial Park is right around the corner from where I live. So, maybe if I get out to get some fresh air that will help clear my mind some. I decided to get myself ready for my walk but first I needed to check my phone. Maybe he contacted me. He did not. Oh well, hopefully, if I give him some space he will miss me. As I was getting myself ready, a sudden thought just hit me. What if he got into a horrible car accident and was in the hospital? Should I call the hospital to find out? Maybe he needs me by his bedside. No, the hospital would not tell me if he is in there anyway because of patient confidentiality. Maybe I should go to the hospital to visit him? No, because if he is not there then I'll just look foolish. I think the best thing to do is wait for him to contact me. If he is in the hospital, then he will let me know as soon as he can, right? I get my stuff together and head out the door. I think I will jog to the park because it is a nice day for that.
While I am jogging, I feel the breeze against my face, and it is relaxing. This was a good idea. Probably the best idea I've had in a while. I really do love the outdoors, but then another sudden thought came to my mind. What if I see Hank there with another woman? He does like to frequently go to the park to play basketball with his buddies. I think it would crush me if I saw him there with another woman. I try to clear that thought out of my mind. I need to sit down for a second. I approach a park bench where this elderly Hispanic man is sitting while feeding the pigeons. I ask him if I can sit next to him and he tells me that I can. What a nice gentleman. As I was doing my stretches, he decided to make small talk with me by first asking my name.
"My name is Amy" I politely tell him and then I look at my phone to see if Hank has tried to contact me yet. Still nothing. He smiles at me says that is a lovely name and then tells me his name is Mr. Romero. That is an interesting name. I told him that it was nice to meet him.
"Are you from around here?" He asks me and tell him that I've lived here all of my life. He then goes on to tell me that he is an immigrant from Mexico. I find that really intriguing so I go on to ask him when did he come to the States.
"About twenty years ago," He begins with a smile "I met a woman who was a missionary and we ended up getting married after she introduced me to the Gospel." The Gospel? Is this guy like those nice gentlemen that came to my apartment last week? I tell him that is a beautiful story and ask him about his wife.
"Her name is Michelle and she is such a saint. I could not have asked the Lord for a better wife" He answers me and it melts my heart. I wish Hank was as sweet as this guy. Hank would never refer to me as a saint. As a matter of fact, I think Hank would refer to me as the devil's mistress because of how much I drive him crazy. I checked my phone again to see if he bothered to contact me. Still nothing. No surprise there. I begin to feel very anxious. What could he possibly be doing that he cannot at least text me? Doesn't he know that I miss him? The least he could do was tell me he loves me. I would give anything for that.
"So do you know Jesus Christ?" Mr. Romero's voice interrupts my thoughts. Why do these religious people always want to bring up this Jesus guy? I tell him that I am a very spiritual person, but I am not religious. He merely smiles at me and tells me how Christianity is more than a religion. I do not know what he means by that, but okay whatever.
"Tell me something," he begins saying, "If you were to die tonight, where do you think you would go?" I never really thought about that before, to be honest. I mean, I know that death comes to everyone, but I am still young. So, I always thought I had a long time before I should even begin thinking about my death. I checked my phone again and still no response.
"I guess, I would go to Heaven, right?" I ask him and he asks me why I would think that. I am not sure why he would ask me this because don't all good people go to Heaven when they die?
"Well, I am a good person. I try not to lie, steal, or cheat. I have never murdered anyone and I always respect all people" I calmly tell him and he lets out a chuckle. I am a little offended by this. Why would he laugh at me for saying I am a good person when he doesn't even know me? He asked me if I wanted to take something called "The Good Person Test". I check my phone one last time before telling him that I don't mind. He straightens up his back before starting.
"You already told me that you try not to lie, but have you ever told a lie in your life?"
"Well, of course I have, who hasn't?" I immediately think of the lie I told Adrian the other day. He smiles at me and asks me about what that makes me. I tell him that I am a liar.
"Have you ever used God's name as a curse word?"
"Of course, many times"
"Do you know what using God's name as a curse word is called?"
"No..."
"It is called blasphemy," He says with a rather stern look on his face and I immediately feel sheepish.
"Have you ever looked at another man, who was not your husband, with lust?" He asks me and I tell him I am not married, but yeah I look at my boyfriend with lust all the time. He tells how Jesus says that is adultery. I feel the weight of that guilt, but I am not sure why. Shouldn't I be attracted to my own boyfriend? Would Jesus really care about that?
"Ok, final question," He begins, "Have you ever gotten angry with anyone without just cause?" I take a moment to think about this and then I confess that I have. He tells me how Jesus says that is equivalent to murder. Wow, this is harsh! I cannot believe Jesus would set such high and impossible standards.
"So, by your own admission, you are a liar, blasphemer, adulterer, and murderer at heart. If God were to judge you by these standards, where do you think you are headed after you die?" He asks me and I sit in silence for a while before telling him I am headed for hell. That thought really scares me. I do not know much about hell, but my mother used to talk about it a lot when I was a child. It never sounded like a pleasant place.
"Yes," He says, "And as a matter of fact, we all deserve hell because we all have broken His laws" This really bothers me because it shows me that Heaven is really impossible to get into. But, then he goes on to tell me how God came down as a man to take our punishment upon Himself on a cross and then three days later He rose from the dead.
"And now," He says, "God commands everyone everywhere to repent and put their faith in Jesus Christ for eternal life. It is that simple" I sit in silence for awhile to mull over everything he told me. I have never heard this stuff before and to be honest it all sounds farfetched. I check my phone yet again and I am disappointed to see that Hank still has not responded. Mr. Romero smiles at me and asks me if I believe.
"I am not sure" I confess honestly to him, I do not know if I want to believe in this Jesus guy because I cannot even see Him. How could I honestly have a relationship with someone I cannot see?
"I understand," He answers me "If I gave you a Bible, would you read it?" I am immediately reminded about how those two gentlemen gave me a Book of Mormon before they left. I tell him that I already have a Book of Mormon, but he tells me this is different. So, I agree to take it. Before he hands it to me, he marks a page in the Gospel of John and tells me to read a chapter a day. I am not sure if I can remember to do that, but I say I'll try. After I grab the Bible out of his hands, he tells me he has to go home because it is lunchtime. I think about how Hank asked for peanut butter the other day, so I decided that I needed to go to the grocery store. We exchange our goodbyes and I watch him as he heads to his car. I wonder to myself if all religious people were as sweet as this man. He definitely seemed to have a peace about him that I seriously envy. I take another look at my phone before getting up to head to the grocery store. Still nothing. Maybe if I surprise Hank with a new jar of peanut butter he will see that I am trying to make things up to him. I need to do my best to be a good girlfriend to him. He deserves the best.
***STAY TUNED FOR PART 5 OF THIS SERIES***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
While I am jogging, I feel the breeze against my face, and it is relaxing. This was a good idea. Probably the best idea I've had in a while. I really do love the outdoors, but then another sudden thought came to my mind. What if I see Hank there with another woman? He does like to frequently go to the park to play basketball with his buddies. I think it would crush me if I saw him there with another woman. I try to clear that thought out of my mind. I need to sit down for a second. I approach a park bench where this elderly Hispanic man is sitting while feeding the pigeons. I ask him if I can sit next to him and he tells me that I can. What a nice gentleman. As I was doing my stretches, he decided to make small talk with me by first asking my name.
"My name is Amy" I politely tell him and then I look at my phone to see if Hank has tried to contact me yet. Still nothing. He smiles at me says that is a lovely name and then tells me his name is Mr. Romero. That is an interesting name. I told him that it was nice to meet him.
"Are you from around here?" He asks me and tell him that I've lived here all of my life. He then goes on to tell me that he is an immigrant from Mexico. I find that really intriguing so I go on to ask him when did he come to the States.
"About twenty years ago," He begins with a smile "I met a woman who was a missionary and we ended up getting married after she introduced me to the Gospel." The Gospel? Is this guy like those nice gentlemen that came to my apartment last week? I tell him that is a beautiful story and ask him about his wife.
"Her name is Michelle and she is such a saint. I could not have asked the Lord for a better wife" He answers me and it melts my heart. I wish Hank was as sweet as this guy. Hank would never refer to me as a saint. As a matter of fact, I think Hank would refer to me as the devil's mistress because of how much I drive him crazy. I checked my phone again to see if he bothered to contact me. Still nothing. No surprise there. I begin to feel very anxious. What could he possibly be doing that he cannot at least text me? Doesn't he know that I miss him? The least he could do was tell me he loves me. I would give anything for that.
"So do you know Jesus Christ?" Mr. Romero's voice interrupts my thoughts. Why do these religious people always want to bring up this Jesus guy? I tell him that I am a very spiritual person, but I am not religious. He merely smiles at me and tells me how Christianity is more than a religion. I do not know what he means by that, but okay whatever.
"Tell me something," he begins saying, "If you were to die tonight, where do you think you would go?" I never really thought about that before, to be honest. I mean, I know that death comes to everyone, but I am still young. So, I always thought I had a long time before I should even begin thinking about my death. I checked my phone again and still no response.
"I guess, I would go to Heaven, right?" I ask him and he asks me why I would think that. I am not sure why he would ask me this because don't all good people go to Heaven when they die?
"Well, I am a good person. I try not to lie, steal, or cheat. I have never murdered anyone and I always respect all people" I calmly tell him and he lets out a chuckle. I am a little offended by this. Why would he laugh at me for saying I am a good person when he doesn't even know me? He asked me if I wanted to take something called "The Good Person Test". I check my phone one last time before telling him that I don't mind. He straightens up his back before starting.
"You already told me that you try not to lie, but have you ever told a lie in your life?"
"Well, of course I have, who hasn't?" I immediately think of the lie I told Adrian the other day. He smiles at me and asks me about what that makes me. I tell him that I am a liar.
"Have you ever used God's name as a curse word?"
"Of course, many times"
"Do you know what using God's name as a curse word is called?"
"No..."
"It is called blasphemy," He says with a rather stern look on his face and I immediately feel sheepish.
"Have you ever looked at another man, who was not your husband, with lust?" He asks me and I tell him I am not married, but yeah I look at my boyfriend with lust all the time. He tells how Jesus says that is adultery. I feel the weight of that guilt, but I am not sure why. Shouldn't I be attracted to my own boyfriend? Would Jesus really care about that?
"Ok, final question," He begins, "Have you ever gotten angry with anyone without just cause?" I take a moment to think about this and then I confess that I have. He tells me how Jesus says that is equivalent to murder. Wow, this is harsh! I cannot believe Jesus would set such high and impossible standards.
"So, by your own admission, you are a liar, blasphemer, adulterer, and murderer at heart. If God were to judge you by these standards, where do you think you are headed after you die?" He asks me and I sit in silence for a while before telling him I am headed for hell. That thought really scares me. I do not know much about hell, but my mother used to talk about it a lot when I was a child. It never sounded like a pleasant place.
"Yes," He says, "And as a matter of fact, we all deserve hell because we all have broken His laws" This really bothers me because it shows me that Heaven is really impossible to get into. But, then he goes on to tell me how God came down as a man to take our punishment upon Himself on a cross and then three days later He rose from the dead.
"And now," He says, "God commands everyone everywhere to repent and put their faith in Jesus Christ for eternal life. It is that simple" I sit in silence for awhile to mull over everything he told me. I have never heard this stuff before and to be honest it all sounds farfetched. I check my phone yet again and I am disappointed to see that Hank still has not responded. Mr. Romero smiles at me and asks me if I believe.
"I am not sure" I confess honestly to him, I do not know if I want to believe in this Jesus guy because I cannot even see Him. How could I honestly have a relationship with someone I cannot see?
"I understand," He answers me "If I gave you a Bible, would you read it?" I am immediately reminded about how those two gentlemen gave me a Book of Mormon before they left. I tell him that I already have a Book of Mormon, but he tells me this is different. So, I agree to take it. Before he hands it to me, he marks a page in the Gospel of John and tells me to read a chapter a day. I am not sure if I can remember to do that, but I say I'll try. After I grab the Bible out of his hands, he tells me he has to go home because it is lunchtime. I think about how Hank asked for peanut butter the other day, so I decided that I needed to go to the grocery store. We exchange our goodbyes and I watch him as he heads to his car. I wonder to myself if all religious people were as sweet as this man. He definitely seemed to have a peace about him that I seriously envy. I take another look at my phone before getting up to head to the grocery store. Still nothing. Maybe if I surprise Hank with a new jar of peanut butter he will see that I am trying to make things up to him. I need to do my best to be a good girlfriend to him. He deserves the best.
***STAY TUNED FOR PART 5 OF THIS SERIES***
-David Lee Chu Sarchet
Christian Mental Health Advocate
Check out the Christ-Centered Mental Health Ministry Website
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